Batman: The Abduction is still a goofy dark knight tale with a great twist

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Aliens.

Are they out there? Is intelligent life in our cosmos possible, or are we the result of a singular flip of the coin that has yet to be repeated within our universe? These are questions that many people ask every day, delving into Fermi paradoxes and the like to find the truth. Which is still out there dude. It’s a question that Batman has never had to ask.

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After all, a Tuesday in his life usually has him teaming up with the last known survivors of Krypton and Mars to fight back against threats which hail from Apokolips and Warworld. Aliens do exist, and most of them are dicks. Hell, Batman even manages to find time to hang with Hal Jordan, a space cop who belongs to an organisation that happens to be made up of thousands of other planets.

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What happens when you throw Batman into proper X-Files territory, however? You get Batman: The Abduction, a series which kicks off with the caped crusader seeing several shades of grey and gets even crazier from there. It’s an utterly fantastic one-shot, brought to life by the deft words of Alan Grant and the dynamic art of Norm Breyfogle, James Hodgkins and Bleyaert Ro Hannin. Always loved Breyfogle’s art, easily one of the most underrated talents to ever regularly work his craft on Batman.

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Anyway, it all starts out simply enough: Batman is in hot pursuit of a gang of thieves who’ve been stealing chemicals. Business as usual, as Batman;s knuckles will soon experience the familiar caress of a criminal’s soft face. Then the lights go out. The Batmobile is mysteriously shut down, a bright light engulfs Batman and he wakes a few hours later with no memory of any time having passed. While his rectum is miraculously intact, he has a splitting headache and a mystery to solve.

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A mystery that soon reveals that the Dark Knight was abducted by Grey Aliens and had his memory wiped, when he pays a visit to noted UFOlogist Dr. Franklin Selly (in disguise of course) in the search for answers. Which involves astral projection because why not. It’s peak UFO-mania at this point, long before the History Channel ever ran wild with episodes like Ancient Aliens and various other mania during the UFO craze of the early 2000s.

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The best part of Batman: Abduction however, is that the truth is revealed to not be fantastic but mundane. Or as mundane as you’d expect a DC Comics tale to be. People go on and on about how structures like the pyramids were impossible to create because of the size of the stones used. Listen pal, when you’ve got an endless supply of slaves to whip to death for the glory of the Pharoah, nothing is impossible. Are ancient Aztec ruins impossibly smooth and well-built? If you had one task to complete and work on day after day, you’d also be a master at it.

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SO what’s the twist of Batman: Abduction? That it was all a hallucination. A twist of mental faculties brought on by a combination of a new drug and Selly’s own vast psychic powers that manifested from his conspiracy-obsessed persona as The Kook. Like all great Batman adventures, the story ends with teeth rearranged and the day saved.

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Still, Batman: Abduction is a great example that the truth may indeed be out there. Just not the truth that you’re looking for.

Last Updated: April 26, 2017

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Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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