Get a taste for blood in this first trailer for HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS

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Once upon a time, there was a movie that was going to be the first of a new wave of fairy-tale inspired tales headed to the cinema ball in 2012. It had two good looking people in it, dressed like they were headed to a Matrix convention and armed like steampunk Rambo’s. Many proclaimed that it could be ridiculous fun.

Then it suddenly got yanked from the ball and grounded for a year (for a rather silly reason), but Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters  is now finally preparing to come out and play again. Only, it’s no longer looking as fun as it is just plain ridiculous.

Fifteen years after their traumatic gingerbread-house incident, siblings Hansel and Gretel have become a formidable team of bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world.

I understand that despite the family friendly nature of this trailer, that the film is going to be rated R, but jeez has it caught a severe case of Abraham Lincoln-itis. Lighten up a little guys. You’re in a movie where somebody has a crossbow with dual heads which fire in opposite direction of each other and 90 degrees to the direction you’re actually aiming. Just because. If that’s not an invitation to have some fun with a concept, then nothing is.

Read  Watch the first trailer for Avengers: Infinity War right here!

Also, it looks like the fetishist siblings have traded out witches for horrible VFX as their primary foe. Horrible VFX and bad dialogue. Jeremy Renner sounds like he recorded this while attending his dog’s funeral.

I really like both Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton, and the concept is rather intriguing, but this looks like some Van Helsing-like badness. I’m probably just going to see it for the after-credits scene where Samuel L Jackson asks Hansel to join the Avengers.

Last Updated: September 5, 2012

Kervyn Cloete

A man of many passions – but very little sleep – I’ve been geeking out over movies, video games, comics, books, anime, TV series and lemon meringues as far back as I can remember. So show up for the geeky insight, stay for the delicious pastries.

  • If this flies, they should really consider a second Van Helsing. I feel that movie was treated more harshly than it deserved…

    So, are we officially in the age where vampires are wimps and witches are badass?

    • Strangely enough, Van Helsing is a bit of a weird case for me. Generally when I watch a film the first time, I have a bit more of a critical eye for it, but the second or third time, when I know the bad parts are coming so I can just sit back and not worry about it any longer, then I usually enjoy it more.

      Just the opposite happened to me with Van Helsing. I enjoyed it the first time around, and couldn’t understand what all the bad press was about. But then the more I watched it, the less I found to actually like.

      It’s still not the worst film I’ve ever seen, but for it occupies that horrible band of mediocrity where it’s not bad/good enough to actually be all that memorable.

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