This teaser trailer for NYMPHOMANIAC: DIRECTOR'S CUT is about as NSFW as you can get!

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The only way that this new teaser trailer for polarizing filmmaker Lars Von Trier’s planned director’s cut of his highly sexualized drama Nymphomaniac is even remotely considered Safe For Work, is if you work on a porn set. Because let’s not beat around the bush here (and no, that wasn’t a sexual euphemism, you perverts), explicit, hardcore porn is what you’re getting in this teaser. There’s virtually nothing in the way of story or dialogue being shown off here, unless you count grunts and slurps as dialogue.

And trust me, Nymphomaniac actually has both of those – story and dialogue, I mean. Released as two parts, this lengthy drama follows Chartlotte Gainsbourg’s character Joe (the younger version of whom is portrayed by Stacy Martin) as she recounts her entire sex-addict life story to Stellan Skarsgaard’s bachelor Seligman, after he finds her lying unconscious in an alleyway.

Von Trier also shot two different versions of these two parts; one edited version that is still very sexed up but keeps most of the sexual encounters in the movie to an R-rated level, and then another uncut version where he mostly makes use of body doubles, prosthetic vaginas (seriously) and some clever camera trickery to have his characters engage in hardcore, unsimulated sexual acts on screen. A 4-hour long single film version was released earlier in the year, but it was edited together without Von Trier’s involvement, and left some scenes on the cutting room floor.

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But on November 26, Von Trier plans to release his Director’s Cut on Blu Ray, in which both parts have been edited together, along with 90 minutes of additional footage, into one 325-minute long movie, with not a single scene, no matter how hardcore, cut out. And it’s for that version that this teaser trailer has been released.

[THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING! DON’T CLICK PLAY ON THIS UNLESS YOU”RE COMPLETELY SURE ABOUT VIEWING SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL! I AM NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOU BEING FIRED!]

Righto. I did warn you.

Coincidentally, I actually watched Volume 1 of this just last week and planned to watch Volume 2 this past weekend (both are out at Cinema Nouveau as well as on Netflix currently) before doing my review, but my plans had to be cancelled. And what I’ve seen so far has admittedly not been anywhere close to Von Trier’s best work even though there are snippets of brilliance performance wise from the big cast of A-list Hollywood celebs involved in it, as well as some superb cinematography and sound design. Also, Shia LaBeouf’s penis.

Last Updated: September 8, 2014

Kervyn Cloete

A man of many passions – but very little sleep – I’ve been geeking out over movies, video games, comics, books, anime, TV series and lemon meringues as far back as I can remember. So show up for the geeky insight, stay for the delicious pastries.

  • have to say, no desire at all to see this.

  • Justin Hess

    Hehe, you said “Beat around the bush.”

  • Weanerdog

    So is it art parading as porn or porn parading as art. It looks very bleak and depressing (the other trailer that is) not sure I could sit through a couple of hours of that probably be bored stiff.

    • Kervyn Cloete

      “Bored stiff” o_0

      • Weanerdog

        It is my best pun of the day so far.

  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    So is the director’s cut… uncut? hur hur!

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