Watch the first Deadpool 2 teaser trailer!

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Walking out of my second viewing of Logan this Friday past, I was pretty disappointed. No, not about the movie; that is still a modern comic book movie masterpiece. Rather, I was disappointed with what I didn’t see in my second viewing of Logan, as news had broken earlier in the day that a special teaser trailer would be attached to the film. What these reports failed to mention – and which would definitely have helped to curb my enthusiasm – was that the teaser trailer would only be attached to North American screenings of Logan. Bah humbug!

So what movie would this teaser trailer actually be for? Well, none other than Deadpool 2! And luckily for the rest of us not privileged enough to live in Trumpville, Deadpool himself, Ryan Reynolds, uploaded the teaser trailer to YouTube over the weekend. So check it out below!

Ha ha ha! That’s brilliant! And in case you were wondering what text at the end is, it’s a hilarious abridged version of Ernest Hemingway’s classic short novel The Old Man and the Sea (courtesy of Cinemablend):

The Old Man and the Sea is the story of a fight between an elderly, accomplished fisherman, Santiago, and a really big fish. Like… HUGE. The story opens with Santiago suffering eighty-four days without catching a fish because he’s the unluckiest son of a bitch on planet earth. Honestly, if you were in a boat for eighty-four days, it’d be hard to NOT catch a fish… even by accident. Santiago was so unlucky that his apprentice, Manolin, was forbidden by his Ma and Pa to fish with him. But as the Fresh Prince used to say, Parents Just Don’t Understand.’ So the boy visits Santiago’s shack anyway. Ignoring the inherent risks of unsupervised playtime with an elderly man who talks to himself. Manolin helps out, moving Santiago’s fishing gear, making food and talking about baseball. Especially Joe DiMaggio; who used to bump fuzzies with Marilyn Monroe. The next day, Santiago tells Manolin that he’s going way out into the Gulf Stream. WAY OUT north of Cuba. Lady luck is returning! On the eighty-fifth day of his crappy luck, Santiago drops his lines, and by noon, gets a bite from what feels like a big ass fish. He’s sure it’s a winner. He fights and fights and fights but can’t pull the monster in. Santiago’s leaky old boat is pulled by the fish for two days and nights and he holds on for dear life. Even though he’s bloody and beat, Santiago begins to appreciate this might adversary. He starts calling him “brother” or maybe even “bro.” It’s sort of a love story if you really think about it. And like most romantic comedies, the reader pictures a delightful outfit changing montage, followed by the inevitable interspecies wedding. But on the third day, Santiago is freakin’ EXHAUSTED, and decides he just wants the fish to do what he says and not always swim wherever he wants. So he stabs it. With a fucking harpoon. It’s a mess. Super gross. Blood everywhere. Because, like many men his age, Santiago has difficulty expressing his emotions and fears with words instead giving in to base desires and imposing his gigantically terrible positions on any given subject through unblinking violence. Typical. Anyway, he straps the marlin to the side of his skiff and hits the road home, ready to act like a total show off to everyone and probably gouge people on the price. But guess what? Pretty soon sharks begin to attack the bleeding marlin’s carcass, because as we all know, life is a tragic opera and just when you think you’ve finally found something good and true, sharks come along and rip it all to fucking shreds while dry humping your dignity with their crazy weird shark dicks. Sure, Santiago tries killing a few of them, but drops his harpoon because his hands are just as old as he is. By nighttime, the sharks have pretty much eaten the entire marlin. Only a bleach white skeleton remains, silently mocking him in the murky darkness. Santiago realizes he’s still unlucky. REALLY unlucky. (Duh!) He calls the sharks “dream killers”. Which isn’t really all that fair. I mean, the sharks were just doing their job and the marlin… Jesus, don’t even get me started on the marlin! It was just hanging out one day, minding its own business, maybe thinking about ways it could be a better provider for its family and WHAM! Harpoon in the brain. Who’s the “dream killer” now, fuckface? The hypocrisy is pretty much boundless at this point. Eventually Santiago makes it ashore. Leaving the bones of the marlin and the boat, he hobbles to his shack. He makes it home and crashes, like I said, he’s super tired. The next morning a group of fishermen gather around Santiago’s boat. One measures the skeleton and, holy shit shingles! It’s over 18 feet! The head of the fish is given to Pedrico (strange that this is the first mention of him) and the other fishermen ask Manolin to send their glad tidings to the old man. Manolin brings Santiago newspapers and coffee when he wakes and they decide to fish together again. Many years later, there’s a Red Lobster Restaurant in nearly every city in America, offering a casual dining experience and convenient parking.

As for the other Easter Eggs, besides for the obvious homage to Superman with John Williams’ iconic score and the phone booth”quick” change, did you catch any of the other references? There’s the clear Logan poster in the background and the Firefly graffiti tag – the latter being a reference to Deadpool co-star Morena Bacarin who broke out in Joss Whedon’s cult classic TV series. And then there’s also the name “Nathan Summers”, who comic book fans will immediately recognize as the birth name of none other than Cable, the alternate future timeline son of X-Man Scott Summers and a Jean Grey clone. Casting for that role and others are still underway.

Read  Jeremy Renner and Elizabeth Olsen are hunting a killer in this tense trailer for Wind River

Director David Leitch (who shot to fame co-directing John Wick) still has some time to confirm everything as the sequel is only scheduled for a March 2018 release.

 

Last Updated: March 6, 2017

Kervyn Cloete

A man of many passions - but very little sleep - I've been geeking out over movies, video games, comics, books, anime, TV series and lemon meringues as far back as I can remember. So show up for the geeky insight, stay for the delicious pastries.

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