Upfront I’ll admit I’m not an Underworld fan. I watched the first two movies and found them mediocre – taking the intriguing premise of a war between vampires and werewolves and smothering it in latex and completely redundant gun battles. Back in 2003, the first supernatural actioner was clearly trying to mimic The Matrix. Thirteen years later, times have changed, and there’s a new hit for Underworld: Blood Wars to ape with absolutely no imagination.

underworld-blood-wars-3

Movie #5 (think about that for a moment) in the Underworld series comes across as Game of Thrones transferred over to the CW, but with its R-rating intact. Vapid young hotties like Theo James strut around in black – or go shirtless – while the seasoned pros, including Thrones’ Tobias Menzies and Charles Dance, are left to handle the political power plays. And there are loads of them. Betrayals and gory assassinations come thick and fast in Blood Wars, but with zero emotional investment.

Plot has never been a strong point in the Underworld series, and it feels especially convoluted in Blood Wars. Following a quick recap of the past four movies, we meet veteran death dealer, Selene (Kate Beckinsale), who is on the run from both her vampire kin and the werewolves (called lycan here). After wanting her head, the vampires now need her to train a new generation of warriors as their species teeters on the brink of extinction. The lycans, meanwhile, want the location of Selene’s daughter, so they can use her special hybrid vampire-werewolf blood to enhance their abilities, and finally defeat their foes.

Underworld: Blood Wars

This may sound straightforward enough, but entwined with the basic storyline are schemes, secrets, revelations about rulership rights, and blah blah blah. This is even before magic comes into play, and Selene finds herself in a remote vampire enclave with Daenerys Targaryen and a bunch of high elves who really should have upgraded their swords to assault rifles by now.

Don’t expect Blood Wars to show any creativity in regards to the rigid world it has created of sleek, stiff vampires and shaggy, hobo lycans. And don’t expect anything to be explained. Information is routinely dropped without any indication of its significance. Blood Wars will give you a headache even before the pointless, point blank gun battles begin.

Underworld: Blood Wars

To be fair, it’s not a complete disaster. Sherlock’s Lara Pulver makes a striking, serpentine antagonist with a fondness for cutaway clothing. Beckinsale also has more to do emotionally this time around. Selene’s nihilism sees her flinging herself into every battle with a disturbing masochism that stems from the loss of everyone she has ever loved. It’s an interesting shift, but frustratingly the character also seems to have suffered a demotion in screen time. New cast members routinely receive more focus than her.

Perhaps if you are an inductee into the Underworld fandom, Blood Wars will satisfy. Maybe for a casual cinemagoer, its 90 minutes will offer enough visceral entertainment to be worthwhile. Personally, I couldn’t mine any enjoyment from proceedings. The film is relentlessly dour. It doesn’t even have the “coolness” factor working in its favour, which the similar Resident Evil franchise does so well. Not a single fight scene in Blood Wars gets the heart racing. Combined with the fact that the Underworld franchise has coasted along with one aesthetic for five movies now, it all feels as tired as Selene.

blood-wars-5

 

Last Updated: December 5, 2016

Underworld: Blood Wars
Summary
Worst of all, Underworld: Blood Wars doesn’t even provide a proper resolution. By the time the credits roll, little has been clarified, and nothing changed in the grand struggle between supernatural beings. In a colossal waste of time, it’s simply a set-up for the inevitable Underworld 6. And if things continue on their current track, you may want to ready your stakes and silver.
3

Noelle Adams

Sometime Tomb Raider. Full-time Pop Culture fanatic and Geekaissance Woman. Most often spotted outputting Pop Culture opinion pieces, writing fanfic and original genre fare, cosplaying and bringing the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu smackdown. Editor of the Comics and Toys section.

  • Hmm … so not really a good movie then. Suppose I will go watch Moana and then go watch that disney movie. 😛

    • “that disney movie”

      How many times can you watch Frozen?

      • No I mean tthe Disney movie called Moana …. google french Moana. 😛

        • You fluffed up my “let it go” joke xD

    • Winny Putri

      Good movie , but this is a bad copy ! I found the site to watch the film with high quality. I think some of you want to see it too !.

      This is the place where I saw === >>> http://bit.ly/2gpNE0O <<< === (Having high quality HD movie)

  • Andre Fourie

    Without even watching the movie, I could agree with this review. Not one of them was really any good.

    • Winny Putri

      Good movie , but this is a bad copy ! I found the site to watch the film with high quality. I think some of you want to see it too !’

      This is the place where I saw === >>> http://bit.ly/2gpNE0O <<< === (Having high quality HD movie)

  • Awwww, I was actually looking forward to this. Guess it’s time to load up Twilight again.

    • Original Heretic

      Did you just…?

      If you have a man card, you can now consider it null and void. Burn it, wipe your ass with it, it doesn’t matter.

      • Andre Fourie

        I concur. But he doesn’t know any better. 12 year olds.

      • I don’t know about any man card. But I have this punch card from the mental asylum that gives me a free coffee after 12 visits if that can help you.

        • Original Heretic

          Don’t have a man card?! Well then hand in your little boy card. You are male, aren’t you? I now have my doubts.

          • Did you just assume my gender?!?

            I will have you know I am an Apache helicopter!

          • Original Heretic

            Then fly into a building.

          • Andre Fourie

            Did you get into your mom’s medicine cabinet again??? Isn’t it childproof?

          • Nope, stuck in school today. Math literature is hard

          • Admiral Chief Argonian

            After all the weight you picked up recently, you are more like a Chinook!

          • How did you know I got fat O.o

          • Andre Fourie

            Stalker alert.

          • Andre Fourie

            You should lose the babyfat in a few years, Otto. Don’t mind the creepy Herr Overlord.

          • Admiral Chief Argonian

            I hacked your secret online MLP ordering account, going from M to XL onesies I see?

          • Andre Fourie

            XD

          • Andre Fourie

            Wait. That’s actually creepy.

    • Andre Fourie
    • Admiral Chief Argonian

      I can understand your FF addiction, I can even get over your pink Nova Prime, BUT IF YOU EXPECT ME TO ACCEPT YOU WATCHING TWILIGT, nee, I simply cannot Otto

      • Original Heretic

        Now look what Otto did! He made the Admiral make a spelling mistake. This is some hectic emotional reactionary shit, right here!

        • Admiral Chief Argonian

          I refuse to spell that abomination correctly

          • Original Heretic

            Almost a good excuse.

          • Admiral Chief Argonian

            The ONLY good thing that came out of those kak movies, was that after watching them with my wife, I looked at her, told her: “Nee my engel, die goed was terrible” and subsequently converted her to watching Marvel and DC movies and series

      • Andre Fourie

        Are you okay. Thought you might have a stroke there, old timer.

        • Admiral Chief Argonian

          *?
          *Herr Overlord

          • Andre Fourie

            XD.

      • Bruce Bielie

        *TWILIGHT
        😛

  • Admiral Chief Argonian

    Isn’t that the dude from Divergent?

    • Andre Fourie

      No, its the dude from Underworld: Blood Wars.

    • Original Heretic

      Yeah. His agent thought this would be a good move. He should fire his agent.

  • Magoo

    Oh no. This is what I thought of the first underworld. :S

Check Also

Layoffs hit Volition as Agents of Mayhem fails to perform

Agents of Mayhem developers Volition have reportedly suffered some layoffs in the wake of …