WWE Fastlane – All the match results

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Fastlane.jpg

Massive tag teams, trombones on talk shows and Goldust being…Goldust. Yep, it was time for some WWE action with the latest pay-per view, Fastlane. Taking place at the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio, Fastlane was home to a ton of champions and a crowd of 14 446 fans who came for blood. Here’s what went down just a few short hours ago. Spoilers ahead.

WWE Fastlane

Roman Reigns defeats Brock Lesnar and Dean Ambrose

Is there any one person that the beast Brock Lesnar can’t defeat? Probably not, but even the master of the F5 would have his hands full dealing with two other contenders for a spot on the Wrestlemania card. Lesnar wasted no time once the bell rang, utterly demolishing both Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns with his entire arsenal of slams, locks and a guided tour of Suplex City.

It wasn’t until the former Shield members joined forces that they could slow down Lesnar’s momentum, bombing him through the Spanish announce table. From there, the match was up in the air. Reigns took a heavy clothesline head-on, Ambrose felt the power of a Superman punch and Lesnar would recover from the table slam to re-enter the ring and suplex both Reigns and Ambrose at the same time.

It all came down to a steel chair and a Spear however, with Reigns pinning Ambrose for the 1-2-3 and winning a championship match with Triple H at Wrestlemania 32. Now get behind Roman Reigns dammit. You’re confusing Vince McMahon, who has no idea why people prefer scraggly vegetarians with charisma over robotic titan cousins of the Rock.

The New Day appeared on ‘The Cutting Edge Peep Show’ and everything was just fine*

Cutting Edge

In absolutely shocking news, the combination of two egocentric former WWE superstars and a crowd-favourite team of performers who are currently embroiled in a feud with the League of Nations, was interrupted by a very angry stable of Sheamus, Rusev, Alberto Del Rio and Wade Barrett. Absolutely shocking stuff.

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*All lies

Curtis Axel defeats R-Truth

Fastlane (1)

Look, Goldust was there, and it was weird. Curtis Axel won, and I still have no idea just what the hell actually happened.

AJ Styles defeats Chris Jericho

Fastlane (2)

Jericho and AJ Styles seemed evenly matched when their match began. AJ and Y2J would trade holds and locks in the usual foreplay build-up to grander moves, and the crowd was loving it. An early attempt at the Walls of Jericho resulted in a Hurricanrana and a knee-drop from Styles that eanred him a quick two-count, before Jericho bounced back with a back body drop that sent Styles outside of the ring.

The two would eventually finish their match, with Styles striking Jericho down for the pin and a solid big win in the WWE.

Divas Champion Charlotte defeats Brie Bella

Fastlane (3)

Ric Flair’s daughter was certainly the dirtiest Diva in the ring last night, as she went to work on Brie Bella. The momentum would eventually shift when Brie began landing kicks to Charlotte, with the two trading submission locks for the Divas championship. Charlotte got the upper hand however, with yet another Figure 8 leglock that sealed the deal on victory.

Ryback, Big Show & Kane defeat Braun Strowman, Luke Harper and Erick Rowan

Fastlane (4)

Ryback would run riot against the Wyatt family before tagging in the Big Show, but an early elbow from Erick Rowan would see the match momentum shift away from the biggest triple-threat tag team line-up in WWE history. Brawling outside the ring and back, Ryback, Big Show and Kane were throwing powerslams and chokeslams at anything that resembled inbreeding and scruffy beards until the match eventually ended with Ryback hitting Shellshocked on a distracted Luke Harper while his team covered his back.

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Intercontinental Champion Kevin Owens defeats Dolph Ziggler

Fastlane (5)

This match was anyone’s guess. Ziggler and Owens threw everything they had at one another, from big splashes to neckbreakers that resulted in some tantalisingly close two-counts. A match that would eventually go outside the ring, Owens’ attempt to powerbomb Ziggler on the concrete would result in a hurricanrana on the steel steps for the KO champ. Back in the ring, the Intercontinental match would eventually end with Ziggler missing Sweet Chin Music and finding himself on the wrong side of a pop-up powerbomb from Owens. KO.

Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch defeats Naomi and Tamina

Fastlane (6)

Kicking off Fastlane with some Diva tag-team action, Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch eventually put aside their differences to work together long enough to send Naomi and Tamina packing with a combination submission. Four Divas, two tapouts and Team BAD was done for the night.

United States Champion Kalisto defeats Alberto Del Rio (2-out-of-3 Falls Match)

Fastlane (7)

This match wasn’t just going to be constrained to the ring. Taking their fight all over the arena, Alberto Del Rio and Kalisto went for the kill as soon as the bell rang, but it was Kalisto who earned the first pinfall. Unfortunately, said pin came from a disqualification thanks to Del Rio using a steel chair to inflict some quick damage, allowing the Mexican titan to quickly even the score on the battered luchadore.

Kalisto would eventually bounce back however, narrowly avoiding Del Rio’s trademark stomp and rolling him up for a quick count of three that would award him with the United States championship.

Last Updated: February 22, 2016

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia’s M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

  • Commander Admiral Chief

    LOL for a moment there I thought “DAMN the graphics in this game is really well done”

    Right, coffee, double strength, stat

    • Hammersteyn

      Did you put the order in the Fastlane?

      • miaau

        Remember Jones in the Fastlane?

        • Hammersteyn

          Great game!

        • Knew the best route to get the highest paying job and win at life in fewest steps. Pity that didn’t carry through in real life.

          • miaau

            true, too true.

  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    Those are the results, but was it WW-Whee or WW-Meh?

    • It was DUBYA DUBYA EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  • Lardus-For the Chimichangas!

    I might be in the minority, but I like Roman Reigns. He might be a bit “robotic”, and yes, The Beard and Ambrose had/have much more charisma and excitability, but the pickings are very slim in WWE at the moment. I wonder…when Seth Rollins returns (he is an a-hole but has more charisma) – how will they bring him back? The SHIELD reuniting against the Authority might be cool…

    Could also perhaps be that his name reminds me of something…something I am not allowed on my current diet…

    http://www.bakers.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Bakers_0021_ABBS679C.psd_.png

    • I hope they don’t, I genuinely do. Rollins is one of the best heels the WWE has had in several years.

      • Lardus-For the Chimichangas!

        Aaah, but think of the possibilities…HHH rejects him on his comeback…then he manages somehow to “prove” himself to the Reignsing champion fighting side-by-side against HHH and his goons.

        OPTION 1: It is all a ruse by the Authority to get the belt back to one of their own. And then when “nobody” suspects it, BAM he turns on them again to prove that a leopard cannot change its spots and get the belt back for HHH or someone else that is “acceptable” to HHH and Stephanie.

        OPTION 2: The lad is actually a very good wrestler, so I would like to see him fight his own battles for a change…perhaps he is for himself and the betrayal is not on behalf of HHH but to get the belt for himself. He could be a good anti-hero, combining his heel persona with a bit of anti-authority action…

        Either way, WWE needs more charisma again. Too many guys have only one side of the coin, not enough have both sides anymore.

      • BakedBagel

        Like all heels in recent years, They will fuck up Rollins.. its just a mater of months.. There is a reason why people say WWE dont know how to sell Heels.

    • Hammersteyn

      I miss Randy Orton doing…. well…. anything really.

  • iusedtobe(a)regular

    “In absolutely shocking news, the combination of two egocentric former WWE superstars and a crowd-favourite team of performers who are currently embroiled in a feud with the League of Nations, was interrupted by a very angry stable of Sheamus, Rusev, Alberto Del Rio and Wade Barrett. Absolutely shocking stuff.

    *All lies”

    I have no idea what you said here.

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