The good, the bad, and the ugly of the past week – 20 January 2017

4 min read

Catical Hit header

Hey, I was away in Paris all week, so I have no idea what went down here on Critical Hit. Please excuse me while I throw darts at this piece of paper to bring you a totally legit list of what you may have missed this week if you were AFK too.

Best Stories

I don’t know about you, but hearing that Valve isn’t done with single-player games (according to Gabe Newell) made me very happy. I don’t even care if we don’t get sequels to beloved franchises like Portal, Left 4 Dead, and of course, the mythical Half-Life. I believe Valve are more than capable of treading new territory, you know, when they’re done selling hats and rolling in their piles of cash.

The fact that the epic television show Game of Thrones is coming to an end in the near future has me all shades of sad. Thankfully, there could be a lot more of that goodness on the horizon. Whether it’s extra episodes in this saga, or a whole spinoff exploring somewhere else in Westeros, you can count me super happy.

Fancy a trip to Paris, but can’t afford the plane ticket, or accommodation, or a single cup of coffee at one of the countless cafes that litter the street? Don’t worry, you can read my antics from one day I spent in the city, where I walked, walked, saw things, walked some more, nearly got pickpocketed, and walked some more.

Lastly, if you find your comic collection is dwindling, or you actually want to get one going, then this Humble Bundle is for you for sure. It’s got tons of material on offer that won’t break the bank.

Wait sorry, I have one more great story. Remember the Awesome Games Done Quick marathon that ran throughout last week? It raised over $2 million for cancer. Amazing!

Worst Stories

You know what I really hate? Animals abuse, and this footage of a German Shepard being forced into rough waters on the set of an upcoming film called “A Dog’s Purpose” really got my blood boiling. Yeah, say what you want, but it’s pretty clear that poor pup was hating life at that moment.

I hate remembering passwords, which is why I always default to the usual 123456. Hey, other people do that too. Neat, we’re all super secure! Also, that’s incredibly silly. Don’t be that person – make up a secure password, and remember it.

Come on Nintendo, do you want the Switch to be a success or not? There are loads of bits of news coming out that make the upcoming console less appealing, the latest of which is that it won’t launch with Netflix, Twitch, and video support. How is this still a problem in 2017? Poor Alessandro won’t stop crying.

Random Stories

This week’s Hit or Miss: does pineapple really belong on pizza? In my opinion, yes, yes it does, and if you disagree, then you’re wrong. That’s how the Internet works, remember?

Want to stay ahead in Hitman? Here are five tips and tricks that will make you the very best, like no one ever was. If that’s not your cup of tea, you can check out this list instead. It gives you 10 reasons as to why Doctor Doom is awesome

Editorials, Previews, and Reviews this Week

Representation in media: Why it matters
Where are the seat belts in games?
Cursed Castilla EX review (PS4) – Unforgiving retro goodness
Approaching the Unknown review (DVD)
Split review – Plot twist! M. Night Shyamalan is back to making great movies again!
Allied review – An odd, bait-and-switch romantic thriller
Genius Review (DVD) – A watchable film that lacks the inspiration of its characters

Header of the Week


The best header award goes to none other than SA Gamer’s David Kozlowski for his excellent “Hitman will soon get the HDR treatment and 4K support” image. Hang on, that looks awfully familiar, doesn’t it? Dave, you sly vaping sonofa!

Most Comments

You might remember that back at Lazygamer, comments on a FFD article were usually excluded from this award. Well, the same goes for our new Friday feature, Hit or Miss. This week, I just can’t resist mentioning it though. Our topic of pineapple on pizza has 263 comments, and it’s still going up! Damn, people really like talking about what should and shouldn’t go on a pizza.

Comment of the Week

Holy hell, this image from the plethora of memes MonsterCheddar left on the Game of Thrones article made me laugh:


Well played!

Bonus Premium Content

We have tons of great videos to share with  you this week. Let’s start with one from Darryn, because it’s basically tradition:

Next up, we have some classic bork from Geoff, who just won’t spamming the damn things in the office chat:

Kervyn is all aboard the bonus premium content wagon, so of course he’s given us something this week too. His videos tend to be way more classier than ours though, but that’s not a bad thing, is it?

Lastly we have my video, which has both Overwatch and cats. INSTANT SHARE!


Last Updated: January 26, 2017

Matthew Figueira

Defence of the Ancients? More like Defence of the cabbages! Have you seen my head? I look like a Merino Sheep on pole. NO SHANGE only SHAPPIES! :D

  • Unavengedavo

    How did SA Gamer win header of the week? O_o

    • Hammersteyn

      First they get rid of ION, now they’re doing crossovers

    • VampyreSquirrel

      Good question

    • It’s a joke – they used (stole) a header I made for an HDR article for one of theirs. 🙂

      • Hammersteyn

        How would we know? We don’t visit other gaming sites

        • PurplePariah

          Wait this is a gaming site? I thought it was about D&D…

          • miaau

            Comment of the week, for me, right there.


          • PurplePariah

            And here I was hoping Mario would appear in a 6th edition tile set.

            “You used mushroom. Roll. 17-20: become huge in size and gain 1d12 contact damage. 6-16: become huge in size. 1-5: shrink one size and lose 2 constitution permanently.”

      • Unavengedavo

        Lol, I saw the tweets earlier today and that’s why I made the comment 😛

        Didn’t read the rest of the text below that, because I scrolled down to make the comment O_o

  • MonsterCheddar

    How was Paris Muffyou?

    • Hammersteyn


    • Some say he lost a computer when in Paris

      • VampyreSquirrel

        Some say he spent over R200 for a pizza and a coke

        • Some say he put pineapple on and spoiled it all

          • VampyreSquirrel

            They’d be wrong because it was a margherita

          • HAHAHAHAHAHA. I see what you did there

        • Hammersteyn

          “pizza” the thing had just cheese and tomato on it

    • Matthew Figueira

      It was goooooooooooooood 😀

  • MonsterCheddar

    MMMMMMMMM Gal Gadot……

  • Dat DBZ video…

    • Hammersteyn

      Why does Goku look like Kevin James

      • heheeheheheehehehehe

      • miaau

        Why does Kevin James look like Goku?

        Also, power level 9000

  • MonsterCheddar

    Comment of the WEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • More like comment of the WEAK…. Huh. huh? Amirite? *runs away giggling*

    • Hammersteyn

      Well done boet!

      • MonsterCheddar

        Fenks Fenks

    • Unavengedavo


      • MonsterCheddar


    • miaau


      I still do not get it, but nice.

      • PurplePariah

        You don’t watch Game of Thrones.

        • miaau

          Yes, you read my comment earlier this week. Was waiting for this.

          • PurplePariah

            Did I? O_o

          • miaau

            Ah, I mentioned that I had only watched up till Season 1, but read most of the books YEARS ago when they came out. New ones can get stuffed for now.

          • PurplePariah

            Right, so while I didn’t read that before, I have now. I guess my statement was then rather redundant.

            Also now I’m downloading 5th edition D&D stuff to see if I can do a Mario crossover. I think I’m broken. Please send a technician.

          • miaau

            I still remember a crap load of 2nd Edition AD&D rules, have some books at home. Some expansions, scenarios and guides, like Curse of the Azure bonds and the Psionics guide. Also, Drow (Mezobarnazon or something).

            But to actually sit and play AD&D like that again? Just feels out of place in my life. Perhaps If I retire young enough for something like that….. With other like minded people with enough time on their hands.

            Oh my. Am I going to be one of those weird parents that play AD&D with their kids and kids friends? Maybe, still want to, somehow, retire young enough to do that.

          • PurplePariah

            I think that last bit – yeah that’s pretty damn awesome. It’s not weird to be ‘nerdy’ any more. ‘nerdy’ is the new cool thing. So yeah, I’d 100% love to be the dad playing AD&D with his kids and their friends.

            DO EET! 😀

    • MonsterCheddar

  • You win the round Cheddar!

  • Admiral Chief

    Rotten cheese!

    • PurplePariah

      Gorgonzola yourself… hmph. *crosses arms*

  • You know it’s Friday close to home time when watching a mans pecs with a barking dog on them…

  • miaau

    Going away this weekend. Been a trying time, start of the year always is. Dammit.

    Rest and peace – yeah. Swim with toddler, that type of things.


    • Hammersteyn


      • miaau

        thanks, will do.

        We booked two chalets – Bringing my in-laws with. This is genius, you see, as the toddler now runs to Ouma and Oupa to play and stuff. Well worth the double accommodation cost!

        • Hammersteyn

          haha nice

  • Dutch Matrix

    Een dag, Jan van der Merwe, die Boer, die Skot en die Engelsman kom op ‘n huis af. Vrot van die muskiete.

    Hulle wet mekaar 6 van oom Charles Glass se koudstes hulle kan vir ‘n uur daar bly sonder om uit te hardloop, of sonder dat ‘n enkele muskiet hulle sal suig.

    Eerste gaan die Boer. Tien minute later hol hy daaruit! “So by my kool!” gil hy. “Ek kan net nie.”
    Volgende is die Skot. Hy Doedelsak in die huis in. 4 minute later: “Ach no Laddie. I caen’t for de life of me stay in thaht!”
    Die Engelsman saunter sideways in. Half minuut later. “By Jove and George! I do say Ole Chap that is no way for a subject of the Queen to be treated!”
    Van der Merwe sokkie-sokkie daar in. ‘n Enkele muskiet land op sy manboob en steek hom een op die nipple. Hy moer die muskiet dood, gooi hom in die hoek en kyk hoe die res begrafnis hou vir die gevalle bloed suier. ‘n Uur later hardloop hy daar uit. Tokkel sy tiet soos wafferse kitaar speler, al singend
    “Ek wen die ses biere! Ek wen die ses biere!

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