In news that should make you very frightened or question my sources, it appears that Canada is under attack by a gigantic Xbox One, or standard size unit. More on this potential horror, after the break.
According to eyewitness reports that I just imagined, the Xbox One has consumed 720 people so far and is looking to cap that kill total off at 1080.
In an effort to downplay fears, Vancouver residents via the Verge say that the homicidal home console is currently motionless, and will awaken once enough achievements are unlocked.
At a length of 40 feet, and with a waistline of half that girth, the Xbox One is one of the biggest consoles, dwarfed only by the Magnavox Odyssey which terrorised North American homes in 1974.
I for one welcome our new console overlord, and will happily snitch the hell out of any and all possible rebels in an effort to save my own skin.
Last Updated: October 31, 2013
Spathi
October 31, 2013 at 15:11
Nice. I see they even included the beige powerbrick in the background. Pity someone spray painted on it.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:20
HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHHAHAAHHAHAHA that building looks like a XBONE POWERBRICK!!!!
Weanerdog
October 31, 2013 at 15:27
Canadian graffiti
Captain GUZ
October 31, 2013 at 16:03
seem to have forgotten the ‘eh at the end
Eric
October 31, 2013 at 16:11
Or it should say “I’m sorry”
DrKiller
November 1, 2013 at 11:08
FAKE! The normal power brick is bigger than that 🙂
Pieter Kruger
October 31, 2013 at 15:13
If enough players commit their gamertags, the giant Xbone will open up and release Yoshi’s balls back to him!
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:20
The irony is.. the real xbone720 iIS MASSIVE! You can kill a man with it! It’s like a 80s VCR!
Pieter Kruger
October 31, 2013 at 15:21
You can also kill a man with the PS4, maybe even faster……out of boredom!!!
Spathi
October 31, 2013 at 15:22
Yeah, apparently the scale for the model is 3:1
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:38
Listen to Spathi kids.. Don’t put your Xbone720s on a shelf or on a wooden table. The table will not survive. It’s MASSIVE!!!
Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew
October 31, 2013 at 15:29
for shame! It’s like quadrupple parked!
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:50
Clearly THE DRIVERS are a problem! HAHAHHAAH
ToshZA
October 31, 2013 at 15:54
Oh man, that’s so bad. SO funny, but so bad. hahahaha!
Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew
November 1, 2013 at 06:53
Bwhahahahaha
ToshZA
October 31, 2013 at 15:36
Out of all the poor decisions MS has made, this has got to be the most terrifying one.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:51
Imagine seeing that thing in the sky, hovering over your city…. I’d freak out and run for the hills.
ToshZA
October 31, 2013 at 15:53
If it was in a horror movie (which after this, is very likely). everyone would stop and stare while it destroys everything with red rings of DOOM.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:59
Hell’s man! Red Rings of Doom was one of the scariest movies of the last decade. Hopefully, MASSIVE BONE the sequel won’t disappoint.
ToshZA
October 31, 2013 at 16:05
MASSIVE LULZ @ MASSIVE BONE. hahahahahahaha.
Lets wait and see what the critics say, but they get paid, so maybe wait for community reviews?
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 16:19
Always… wait for the Community Reviews! 😛
Unavengedavo(aka. IceCreamMan)
November 1, 2013 at 09:00
Massive bone? Is that a tennis match starring Serena Williams?
Pieter Kruger
October 31, 2013 at 15:36
In other breaking news: Sony did the same but it melted!
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:39
In other news, the picture Pieter posted is actually the warehouse where they’re storing all the xbone720s…
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:41
Seriously though, who thought this would be a good idea? lol This is so funny and for all the wrong reasons.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:42
And on this day, Canada fell to a giant Xbone! Thousands of Canadians rushed for the border, and the US had to build a wall. 🙁
Blame Canada? No! Blame XBONE!
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 31, 2013 at 15:50
A wall you say, why not use 5 or 6 Xbones placed on their sides?
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:52
GENIUS! 5 to 6 Xbones would definitely separate the land of the free from Canada! Throw in one more, and Alaska will be free from the Canadians!
I think 10 or so, chucked in the ocean will create a land-bridge between Hawaii and California!
ToshZA
October 31, 2013 at 15:54
But do they float?
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 15:56
See this is what I’m unsure off, they are MASSIVE! Do you think if you throw an XBONE into the Pacific ocean, it’ll generate a catastrophic tsunami that could decimate south-east Asia? Maybe that’s Microsoft plan!
ToshZA
October 31, 2013 at 15:57
Its about the only way they’ll eliminate Sony.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
October 31, 2013 at 16:01
Perhaps that’s why Don “The Jacket” Mattrick left, the plan didn’t sit well with him?
Don: “XBros, this plan doesn’t sit well with me, I’m off to Zynga”
Unavengedavo(aka. IceCreamMan)
November 1, 2013 at 08:57
I was under the impression that it was not supported
Unavengedavo(aka. IceCreamMan)
October 31, 2013 at 15:42
Breaking news: The Giant Xbox One overlord has decided to pull a 180 and is now petting fluffy bunnies…
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 31, 2013 at 15:50
Let Steam have the living room, MS will have the CAR PARK!
Kromas
October 31, 2013 at 17:35
Scientists suggest that even with enough achievements it will not awaken until a shadow of a cloud passes over it. 😛
trueLies
November 1, 2013 at 08:35
Where is the kinect? Does any one even care about it?