Error establishing database connection…

2 min read


It wasn’t too long ago that we underwent a bit of a redesign, and moved our servers from the Germany back to South Africa. It was an attempt to make the site a little more modern, a little more fresh and  being locally hosted, a little faster for you. For a very, very short while, it seemed to go okay. Yes, there were (and yes, still are!) issues with the site’s layout and formatting but it mostly worked. And then something funny started happening with our server.

I’m sure many of you, over the past few weeks, have been slapped in the face with a message about being unable to establish a database connection. Or perhaps you’ve hit our Cloudflare cache and been kicked in the nuts with week old news. If you have been able to access the site, it’s been slower than Darryn before his morning cup of tea.

It sucks, and we’re really sorry.

Why it’s happening

There’s something quite wrong with out shiny new server. It has 12 CPUS and more RAM than you could ostensibly use, yet there’s something amiss with it. For some reason, our SQL database is hogging up all the CPU, almost all the time. We’ve tried all manner of things; fixes, patches, new configurations, enabling plugins, disabling plugins, sacrificing goats to deities and yes, turning it off and back on again – all to no avail.

It not only locks you out of the site, but us too – so we’re trying to get articles up on to the site without really knowing if they’re there, if they’re scheduled to go live or if they’ve been lost to the ether. We also have no real way of editing them, so excuse us if there are even more  typos than usual.

It’s got us staring at the server’s resources, while trying to put content up.

What we’re doing about it

We’re building a new server, and having people who do server migrations and are SQL and Apache experts set the whole thing up. Hopefully, within the next week, we’ll have it completely sorted. We have top men working on it. TOP MEN!

From there, once everything is working, we’ll do our utmost to start addressing the lingering complaints and issues with our site layout.

You guys rock

Those of you who’ve tried to stick it out through the headaches and frustration of trying to connect, it’s difficult to put into words quite how much we appreciate it. Without you – the guys who come and read the stuff we put up every day – we are nothing.

Thanks for struggling through it all. Thanks for your patience and understanding. And for keeping us alive. We’re really sorry it’s happened at all, and hope it’ll soon be all behind us.

Last Updated: October 2, 2014

Geoffrey Tim

Editor. I’m old, grumpy and more than just a little cynical. One day, I found myself in possession of a NES, and a copy of Super Mario Bros 3. It was that game that made me realise that games were more than just toys to idly while away time – they were capable of being masterpieces. I’m here now, looking for more of those masterpieces.

  • Trebzz

    First comment 😛 Hope this gets sorted out soon and keep up the good work

  • Admiral Chief 0


  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    You don’t seem to have tried the most basic fix, HIT IT!

    • Trust me, I hit it all day long.

      • Admiral Chief 0

        That is what he said folks

      • HvR

        The server or a cabbage intern

        • Kensei Seraph – Staff

          What if the server and the cabbage intern are one and the same.

          • HvR

            Well there’s yar problem……

      • Sageville

        I bet you say that to all the boys?

      • Liar 😛

    • Our attempts to reboot with our size 9 Doc Martin’s have been futile at best.

      • HvR

        Pfftt size 9. Maybe you guys should employ a real man.

        • Admiral Chief 0

          The only way Darryn fits in the size 9 is if he stuffs his underwear in there

          • HvR

            And the tissue padding from his bra

        • We would, but that requires talking to circus clowns. Who we fear.

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            Don’t listen to them, anything larger than size 9 is clown shoe size.

          • Kensei Seraph – Staff

            You’re a puny size 8 aren’t you?

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            I prefer “petite”

          • HvR

            Hehehe … Tiny Toes Trevor

          • lol

          • ReaperOfSquirrels

            Screw you, I’m no clown! Frikken clowns…. -.-

      • Hammersteyn

        That’s a massage at best

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        I question your commitment to the cause. Don’t go soft on us!

      • Sageville

        Size 9?


    • Sir Rants A Lot Llew
      • Sir Rants A Lot Llew

        * and in this case possibly by Geoff…..

  • Anon A Mouse

    Must say it looks far better at my side from what it looked like previous days, it’s just taking ages to load. I’m trying my utmost to bite me lip and look past the errors most of the time, but I’m running out of lip. That all being said technology can be a bitch sometimes and rather you than me. Good luck and all.

  • Hammersteyn

    My F5 button doesn’t work anymore so I’m back to clicking the reload button 😛

  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    The first LG server was fine, but now the sequel is giving problems. tee hee.

    • Mike

      Yeah the sequel has some bugs, but I’m sure patches will sort those out while we do beta testing. Damn LG is taking tips from EA. Micro transactions and DLC incoming.

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        If they charge MTs for comments I’ll be bankrupt in a month, & Colin will be paid off.

        • Mike

          Just get a season pass for comments.

        • Hammersteyn

          Would they pay for upvotes, my OCD would make me rich

  • Hammersteyn

  • HvR

    *Grabs pitch-fork*
    Grumble grumble…. was working fine ….. grumble grumble …. Error 34 ….. grumble grumble …. DRM’s fault ….. grumble grumble …… fc*k EA

  • Sir Rants A Lot Llew

    Good luck gents. Ghost issues like this are the pits especially when you can’t figure out why things are doing what they aren’t supposed to.

    Hope the new server helps you guys out

    • Admiral Chief 0

      Back home?

      • Sir Rants A Lot Llew


        • Admiral Chief 0


          • Sir Rants A Lot Llew

            I am. Diabs

  • Kensei Seraph – Staff

    And here I thought it was just the amazing internet here at work.
    The same internet line that take over 1 hour 30 minutes to download a 7 mb file.

  • Rock789

    Good luck guys. A server having a hissy fit is never a pretty sight (I’m an SQL Analyst and work on servers everyday – never a pretty site when one decides to give us jip just for sh%ts and giggles when it’s been working fine all along…).

    • Kensei Seraph – Staff

      I see what you did there and despite the above average pun I agree.

      • Rock789


  • HvR

    Are you guys using Windows Server 2012 R2 and installing the latest updates.

    • is a Linux-based server, and we’re throwing rocks at it.

      • HvR

        Dammit, was hoping to get in a few MS insults

        • Alien Emperor Trevor

          Can always wait for an Xbone article, then you can insult console gamers as well. It’s a TWO-FOR!

      • Jedi Consular Kromas

        Yeah I am converting one of our sites from a Samsung OfficeServe PBX to FreePbx. I hate my life right now. 🙁

      • Admiral Chief 0

        Maybe use Svr2012 R2, that OS is AWESOME

  • ReaperOfSquirrels

    Good luck guys! We’ll be here all the way!

  • DarthZA

    SQL by default is a hungry beast that will take as much as it can, even if it doesn’t need it. SQL should be releasing the resources as your pc makes demand for it. If not, you can limit how much SQL can use.

  • CAE9872

    Well touch wood (NO NOT THAT ONE!!!) my side has been all good so far…

    Hope it all gets sorted for those with issues though because there is nothing more frustrating than IT issues…

  • cookiemonster

    Yeaaaaaaaa. …you rock

  • Skoobaz

    All good. Keep up the great work!

  • Jonah Cash

    All good!! Everyone understands adversity…. And fuck those that don’t!! Lucky bastards!!!

  • Viking Of Science

    And here I thought it was just me, and I was going insane…. :/

  • “There’s something quite wrong with out shiny new server. It has 12 CPUS and more RAM than you could ostensibly use”

    Buuuuuut can it run Crysis?

  • What SQL application are you guys using? And what are them server specs. An article on it could be pretty cool. Its always nice to see what people are using and how they are using it.

  • Lardus-Resident Perve

    Moved the server from Germany? There is the problem! Everyone knows :

  • oVg Definitive and Remastered

    It was easier playing Destiny off-line than logging onto Lazygamer yesterday.

    • Hammersteyn



  • Brady miaau

    Good luck and thanks for all the fish.

    Or something 🙂

    Good luck. DBA’s can sometimes be well worth the money

  • OSiRiS

    Have you checked if the databases and tables arent possibly defragmented? Stupid question but do you guys use cursors in your scripts? Have you guys run optimizations on your tables and databases? How many primary datafiles ( .mdf ) filed do you have per database? I used to make secondary datafiles ( .ndf ) for every cpu thread per database so the drive I/O wouldnt go through the roof as a database grows

    • My brain just died.

      • Brady miaau

        Essentially your experts should be looking at that sort of stuff.

        It is why you pay an expert, after all.
        There, IT contractors everywhere, justified. I hope.

  • LG BF4 version?

    • Hammersteyn


  • I bet Zoe convinced Gavin to upgrade to the ‘stable’ IOS 8…

    • Brady miaau

      Running the site from a smartphone should really have been a warning signal, dont you think?

      And I think your comment was very amusing

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