Hitman – Every glorious kill that we’ve done in season one

3 min read
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Hitman-header

I know I’m still talking about Hitman, but it’s pretty much my only respite in a world where every form of social media I’m currently on is busy flooding itself with pictures and opinions of the current US president who may or may not be the worst thing since the Ketchup Song went viral. But it’s just such a damned good game thanks to it being a platform that was built to last.

As a slice of catharsis, Hitman has done its job and then some. Over the course of the six episode first season, I’ve done killed a LOT of people. And some of then even deserved it more than a Nazi deserves to be punched in the face. Here’s a supercut of all the mayhem I’ve unleashed over 2016, so spoiler warning in case you’re grabbing the completed edition that will hit retail soon:

If you can’t catch the video above, here’s a list then if what I’m going to video game hell for. Again, spoiler warning:

  • Dropped a chandelier on a target…and the rest of the audience in the fashion show
  • Poisoned a target with hastily-prepared Fugu fish
  • Dropped a toilet on the head of a would-be despot
  • Dropped a moose on his partner for good measure
  • Got rid of a target by shoving him into a woodchipper
  • Made good use of a high-powered sniper-rifle several times
  • The rubber ducky of doom
  • Sabotaged a watch and replaced the batteries with small explosives
  • Literally dropped a car on a target
  • Kicked a target off a cliff
  • Slit the throat of a target with a circumcision knife while cosplaying as a plague doctor from the middle ages
  • Explosive golf ball
  • Suffocated a target with his own vegan cake
  • Swapped the AI system in a high-tech surgical operating machine with a copy of last year’s DOOM
  • Used the OCD of a target to maximum effect
  • Introduced a target to the laws of gravity
Read  Hitman’s game of the year edition is adding a new campaign, weapons and outfits

And a lot, lot more. And yet what I’ve done so far is nothing in comparison to some of the more insane kills that I’ve seen so far in Hitman. Which you can try out for yourself soon. Right after I establish a solid alibi for myself.

Last Updated: January 23, 2017

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia’s M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

  • Admiral Chief

    [mssc]

  • Hammersteyn

    I get the songs relevance, Polka is dead, just like Agent 47’s targets

  • Avithar

    still an epic game but they have killed it by launching it per season and not as a full game

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