Prince Darko?

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Ah, Jake Gyllenhaal. The dreamy bastard is an icon of lust for so many women – whereas a good boyfriend knows that the key to a happy relationship is to be soft, sensitive and take the girlfriend’s crap, guys like Jake offer them a different deal: soft, dreamy eyes that scream understanding and compassion, and a body that offers to bend you over and keep you in ecstasy ’till the early morning hours. Yup, Jake is not long-term material, but my suspicion is that women don’t think about picket fences and sitting on the porch aged eighty when they look at him (or Brad or Johnny or etc.) Look, this is not a bad thing. Thanks to Jake your girlfriend watched Jarhead with you, worth it if only for all the masturbation talk and copious amounts of swearing. And soon she might join you to watch Prince of Persia. Rumor has it that he has been tipped to play the prince in POP. I doubt it’s true – Jake’s movie career is too strong to screw it all up with a game movie lead – but you never know.

Let’s swoon over Jake some more – goddamnit folks, he even pulls off a beard well! Take that, Orlando Bloom!


Meanwhile some other movie wonderment comes our way. Alas, this is a gaming blog, so I can’t tell you about the uber-gory Machine Girl. Instead, let’s check out a different hardcore-lass – the ass-kicking Chun-Li. A new picture from the upcoming Street Fighter movie has surfaced, showing her dodging a few bullets and looking dangerous. Actually it’s just a piece of the story board, but this proved enough to crash the movie’s site. You can see the bigger thing over on Kotaku.

Finally, back to my favourite director, Dr. Boll! Michael Bay and Eli Roth responded to him calling them retards, pretty much just just calling him sad and pathetic. I’d think this review of Dungeon Siege would be enough. But someone did step up and there is a petition encouraging Boll to keep making movies. With less than a 1000 signatures, it’s far behind the 100,000+ one trying to stop him. But sign it! Save Uwe Boll! Seriously, I watch a lot of bad movies and this guy is an artist. Other directors just produce crap. He produces crap you can get stoned on and show your kids one day.

Last Updated: April 10, 2008

James

A total movie glutton, nothing is too bad or too obscure to watch, unless it’s something like The Human Centipede. If you enjoyed that, there is something wrong with you. But bless you anyway – even video nasties need love…

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