Home Gaming Screw Valentine's Day – Top Ten single-player games

Screw Valentine's Day – Top Ten single-player games

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SONY DSC

Using cutting edge science (SCIENCE!) and broken hearts, we’ve formed the following list of games that’ll make you forget that your love life is about as dead as most of the stars you see at night.

FTL: Faster than Light

FTL-Faster-Than-Light

In space, no one can hear you weep. Or the fire that you’ve just started. Burn everything. It is all dirty, much like your broken relationship. Burn it all and rebuild, better and stronger than before!

Then burn it all again.

Dishonored

Dishonored

Ever got the feeling that someone stabbed you in the back and left you to rot? That’s Dishonored in a nutshell, but the twist here is that you don’t have to take that lying down. In a city that is as miserbale as you are, you can go around and stab other people in the back, thanks to magic and stealth.

Take that, karma.

Tomb Raider

tomb raider

Can you survive this day? Make no mistake, Valentines Day doesn’t take prisoners. Much like in Tomb Raider, you’re one step away from a gory end if you get caught unawares. Fight! Fight to survive! Give Cupid a taste of his own medicine and fire off a few arrows that are wrapped in napalm!

Do not go softly into the romance!

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

deus-ex

What would you do for love? Meat Loaf once said he’d do anything but that, and I think he was referring to having his rock ‘roll frame blown up and then outfitted with cutting edge prosthetics.

I think, but then again, I read a lot into all kinds fo things, such as that time when I read Catcher in the Rye and was convinced that I had to go kill John Lennon.

The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim

skyrim

The best thing about this 2011 masterpiece, is that it won’t just replace the gaping maw of bad memories in your chest cavity. It’ll replace your entire life. All you need to know, is that once you go Skyrim, you’ll never want to go back to the real world?

That, and you can marry inside the game. And move into houses. That are kind of sound-proofed. If you know what I mean.

Dead Space

deadspace

Love is ugly. Ugly like a corpse that has been horribly mutilated and mutated into a walking machine of death and sharp bones. While that might sound similar to a Cannibal Corpse song, it’s also a decent description of Dark Souls, where love once again gets you involved in a mess that drives you insane.

Dark Souls

Dark-Souls

It’s just too much, some days. Love is a level 65 end-stage boss with +5 resistance to your heart, and it will destroy you. But are you prepared to let it beat you? Hell to no! Get back up, punt it in the junk and keep fighting. That, and love has easy to memorise attack patterns.

XCOM: Enemy Unknown

XCOM

Sometimes, you’ve got to move on in life, and cut your losses. Life and love has no mercy, and neither will an alien armada that is hellbent on wiping you and your species out. But much like in real life, a relationship can be salvaged with solid planning, German engineering and unethical science stuff.

According to my mom that is.

Just Cause 2

just_cause_2

Just come out of a bad relationship, and you feel like you just want to break stuff? Well much like that Limp Bizkit song, Just Cause 2 gets you. It’s all about destruction, explosions, grappling hooks and a Kim Jong Il analogue that has personal ninja bodyguards.

Hell, who needs love when you have an island that is waiting to for a baysplosion?

Sleeping Dogs

Sleeping-Dogs

Sometimes, you need to realise what is truly important in life. To me, it;s pork buns. Pork buns have never let me down. Pork buns have always made me feel complete. Pork buns will never betray you. OH SWEET XENU, ONLY PORK BUNS UNDERSTAND ME!

Last Updated: February 14, 2014

92 Comments

  1. EPIC LIST IS EPIC!

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      February 14, 2014 at 16:01

      Could have used Last of Us. Lets just say that it’s number 11

      Reply

  2. Rainman

    February 14, 2014 at 15:32

    Saw the headline and knew only Darryn could have posted the article.

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief in Vegas

      February 14, 2014 at 15:32

      Bwahahaha, good list though!

      Reply

      • Rainman

        February 14, 2014 at 15:34

        Awesome list.

        Reply

    • Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim

      February 14, 2014 at 15:42

      He is the only single one on the team ;P

      Reply

  3. Admiral Chief in Vegas

    February 14, 2014 at 15:32

    Single-player? You mean Rince? Or Trevor?

    Reply

    • RinceandLeSIGH

      February 14, 2014 at 15:43

      Both! No, that isn’t single, uh, eh?

      Reply

  4. Unavengedavo

    February 14, 2014 at 15:36

    Anyone else pick up the fact that it’s single player and there is a joystick? [insert random sexual reference here]

    EDIT: Ooh, I found one that I can use… Must be hinting to Rince’s “Hand Style” *runs*

    Reply

    • RinceandLeSIGH

      February 14, 2014 at 15:51

      BWAHAHAHAHAH!

      Reply

    • The D

      February 14, 2014 at 16:05

      Ten points to Gryffindor!

      Reply

  5. Unavengedavo

    February 14, 2014 at 15:38

    Yes, I am reposting this here as well because there are also some awesome single player games on gog.com for their V-day promotion…http://www.gog.com/promo/valentines_day_promo_140214

    And If you have the cash to fork our for some awesome games, please also help these guys out!

    http://www.lazygamer.net/general-news/help-these-two-locals-become-game-developers/

    Reply

  6. RinceandLeSIGH

    February 14, 2014 at 15:42

    AWESOME MAN! This kicks butt and takes numbers! No, wait, #foreverSP never get numbers *goes off and cries…

    Reply

    • TiMsTeR1033

      February 14, 2014 at 15:43

      There are many decent women in the cape flats, why not go take a look.

      Reply

      • RinceandLeSIGH

        February 14, 2014 at 15:43

        Because I’m not allowed back in after the INCIDENT…

        Reply

        • TiMsTeR1033

          February 14, 2014 at 15:47

          When the muggles robbed you?

          Reply

          • VampyreSquirrel

            February 14, 2014 at 15:48

            I’m sure that didn’t happen in the flats

          • TiMsTeR1033

            February 14, 2014 at 15:49

            of course not that happened in Gaigon Alley

          • VampyreSquirrel

            February 14, 2014 at 15:49

            Diagon*

            Also… your mama’s so fat her petronis is a cake.

          • TiMsTeR1033

            February 14, 2014 at 15:50

            😉

          • RinceandLeSIGH

            February 14, 2014 at 15:50

            HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

          • TiMsTeR1033

            February 14, 2014 at 15:54

            I’ll Avada Kedavra Your face!

          • TiMsTeR1033

            February 14, 2014 at 15:57

            If I feel like it I’ll Imperio you to give me your laptop! haha take that!

      • Hammersteyn

        February 14, 2014 at 16:00

        O_o

        Reply

  7. Purple_Dragon

    February 14, 2014 at 15:42

    RDR.

    Reply

    • TiMsTeR1033

      February 14, 2014 at 15:48

      Real deal Rednecks?

      Reply

      • Purple_Dragon

        February 14, 2014 at 15:49

        Don’t be silly!

        Reply

        • TiMsTeR1033

          February 14, 2014 at 15:49

          That a movie?

          Reply

          • Purple_Dragon

            February 14, 2014 at 15:51

            😛

          • Unavengedavo

            February 14, 2014 at 15:51

            He is referring to Red Dead or Alive 😛

      • General JJ the ashamed

        February 14, 2014 at 16:02

        No man. It’s Red Dawn Rince. An epic tale about a Rooibos teabag out to fight the evil forces of the Five Roses.

        Reply

        • TiMsTeR1033

          February 14, 2014 at 16:03

          *grabs popcorn* Is there a Evil Alien in it too? one that is SPforever?

          Reply

          • General JJ the ashamed

            February 14, 2014 at 16:06

            There is actually. He arrives in his single-seater spaceship right at the end and saves the day. There are many explosions and it’s set in space. So it’s pretty much the best story ever.

          • TiMsTeR1033

            February 14, 2014 at 16:06

            Does it also have a pirate wearing eyelinger called Captain JJ Raven??

          • General JJ the ashamed

            February 14, 2014 at 16:08

            I don’t really want to spoil it, but I’ll say this: The Admiral Chief of the Neo Empire has a bounty hunter contact that goes by the designation of JJ.

            But that’s all I’m saying.

          • TiMsTeR1033

            February 14, 2014 at 16:09

            That sounds Epic! now make it so!

    • Hammersteyn

      February 14, 2014 at 16:00

      One of the best ever!

      Reply

  8. Tracy Benson

    February 14, 2014 at 15:51

    FTL! One of my favouritest games. Damn, now I feel like playing it and I’m stuck at work :

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      February 14, 2014 at 16:03

      Have you modded the game yet? Star Trek ships is a bit OP but still cool.

      Reply

      • Tracy Benson

        February 14, 2014 at 16:05

        No modding yet. I’m currently looking into the infinite space mod, so it’s not so urgent, but it does make the enemies a lot harder.

        Reply

  9. Rags

    February 14, 2014 at 15:51

    Sorry got a date with Tali.

    Reply

  10. General JJ the ashamed

    February 14, 2014 at 15:56

    I almost have all the games!
    And they’re all great games.

    Reply

  11. Daniel Keevy

    February 14, 2014 at 15:57

    Deus Ex is pretty cool, especially after the Directors Cut, but hoo boy, it has terrible voice acting. Some of the worst.

    Reply

    • TiMsTeR1033

      February 14, 2014 at 15:57

      I never liked Deus Ex.

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        February 14, 2014 at 15:58

        You don’t like gaming?

        Reply

        • TiMsTeR1033

          February 14, 2014 at 15:58

          I do, just don’t like the new Deus Ex thats all.

          Reply

          • General JJ the ashamed

            February 14, 2014 at 15:59

            Oh wait. So you liked the first one?

          • TiMsTeR1033

            February 14, 2014 at 15:59

            very much so.

          • General JJ the ashamed

            February 14, 2014 at 15:59

            Ignore my above comment. Respect restored.

          • Hammersteyn

            February 14, 2014 at 15:59

            Still the third one was a decent sequel.

          • General JJ the ashamed

            February 14, 2014 at 16:01

            It was. I did enjoy it quite a bit. It just needed a bit more darkness, like the first. The second was terrible.

          • Hammersteyn

            February 14, 2014 at 16:02

            The second one was similar to something my cat coughed up.

          • General JJ the ashamed

            February 14, 2014 at 16:03

            LOL. Agreed.

          • Hammersteyn

            February 14, 2014 at 15:59

            Aaaah so it’s not all bad.

      • General JJ the ashamed

        February 14, 2014 at 15:58

        Well, well, I never liked you!!

        Reply

      • Daniel Keevy

        February 14, 2014 at 16:01

        The RPG elements weren’t bad. I also enjoyed bouncing really high. 😛

        Reply

    • General JJ the ashamed

      February 14, 2014 at 15:58

      I must agree. First Deus Ex is still the best one.

      Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      February 14, 2014 at 15:59

      Never felt like drinking whiskey so much during that games cutscenes

      Reply

  12. General JJ the ashamed

    February 14, 2014 at 15:57

    Reply

    • TiMsTeR1033

      February 14, 2014 at 15:58

      cat caught your tongue!

      Reply

      • VampyreSquirrel

        February 14, 2014 at 15:59

        Refresh for pic 😛

        Reply

    • TiMsTeR1033

      February 14, 2014 at 16:02

      Some call you precious

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        February 14, 2014 at 16:09

        Which one was in LOTR again?

        Reply

        • General JJ the ashamed

          February 14, 2014 at 16:12

          Damn it dude. It was the Lich King. Know your shit.

          Reply

          • Hammersteyn

            February 14, 2014 at 16:13

            LOL

  13. Hammersteyn

    February 14, 2014 at 15:58

  14. Archzion

    February 14, 2014 at 15:58

    Nice list:P GTA:V also counts as single-player?
    Guess it will be me and one of my entertainment devices tonight. #singleliferocks
    *walks out crying and smiling..

    Reply

    • TiMsTeR1033

      February 14, 2014 at 16:00

      make sure you get drunk tonight it helps ease the pain.

      Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      February 14, 2014 at 16:05

      There’s a lot of us SP here. Still going to the pub after work. Rumor has it all the ladies there should be single.

      Reply

      • General JJ the ashamed

        February 14, 2014 at 16:06

        May the force be with you (don’t say that to them though, it scares them away)

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          February 14, 2014 at 16:08

          Also don’t immediately pull out your light saber.

          Reply

          • General JJ the ashamed

            February 14, 2014 at 16:10

            Hahaha.
            You’ll know soon enough that you’re not the droid they are looking for.

          • HvR

            February 14, 2014 at 17:33

            Especially if you haven’t purchased the $9.99 +1inch DLC.

          • Hammersteyn

            February 17, 2014 at 07:39

            That’s DLC a lot of men would throw cash towards.

      • Archzion

        February 14, 2014 at 16:41

        You can have a go at the ladies whose dates ditched them. Go in for the “feeling unwanted” move. GL!

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          February 17, 2014 at 07:38

          There were none :'(

          Reply

  15. General JJ the ashamed

    February 14, 2014 at 16:14

    You forgot Fallout New Vegas. One of the loneliest games out there. Also: It’s great.

    Reply

    • Brady miaau

      February 14, 2014 at 16:28

      Beyond great. It had flaws, many. It had irritations, many. The DLC;s got boring.

      but it was just AWESOME. I loved every minute of it (DLC’s not so much)

      Reply

      • General JJ the ashamed

        February 14, 2014 at 16:29

        I’m such a Fallout fan. Can’t wait for the next. Replayed that game so many times.

        Reply

        • Brady miaau

          February 14, 2014 at 16:33

          replayed? Wow. It would take a bit of strength to start over.

          I still remember the games quite well, but to restart would be so painful for me. I may do so in the future, but not on my radar now.

          Skyrim restart looming, when I get all the DLC. In perhaps six months. You kind of burnout

          Reply

          • General JJ the ashamed

            February 17, 2014 at 07:26

            I’ve restarted Skyrim 3 times. If a game’s good and I enjoy it, I replay it. The game’s so changeable, so it’s different each time.

  16. Brady miaau

    February 14, 2014 at 16:23

    A good list, for the most part.

    I will be playing Borderlands 2 tonight, solo.

    My wife and baby will be in bed by max 21:00, so I can play the night away. Looking forward to it.
    Is that sad?

    Reply

    • General JJ the ashamed

      February 14, 2014 at 16:23

      There is no sad in Borderlands.

      Reply

      • Brady miaau

        February 14, 2014 at 16:25

        Except trying to kill Hyperius by myself at level 31.

        Wow, that was quite tricky. Did not even come close. Will come back to that!

        Reply

        • General JJ the ashamed

          February 14, 2014 at 16:28

          I killed the first Borderlands and got the second soon after. So didn’t give it the attention it deserved, will get have to get back into it again sometime.

          Reply

  17. Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

    February 14, 2014 at 16:37

    I’d throw in Kingdoms of Amalur and Dragon’s Dogma as well. Also, Last of Us.

    Reply

  18. Craig "Crios" Boonzaier

    February 14, 2014 at 17:44

    Not single, but have to work tonight till tomorrow morning sometime…..

    Reply

  19. Alien Emperor Trevor

    February 14, 2014 at 17:45

    No Witcher? On second thought probably not, he bonks everything with boobs & a heart beat. So not really what you want for Valentine’s Day SP action.

    Reply

  20. Aussious

    February 15, 2014 at 16:31

    Awesome list…

    Reply

  21. Dan Davidson

    February 16, 2014 at 14:04

    Pretty poor list I think…

    Tomb Raider < Uncharted 2/3
    Just Cause 2 < Saints Row 4
    Sleeping Dogs < Grand Theft Auto 5

    And where's The Last of Us and either Twisted Metal or Motorstorm Apocalypse?

    Reply

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