Home Gaming The Hit List – Top 5 ways that games dicked with software pirates

The Hit List – Top 5 ways that games dicked with software pirates

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Patchy-the-Pirate

For as long as there have been games, there have been video game pirates. The software swashbucklers have long been a thorn in the side of many a publisher and developer, forcing such companies to resort to some creative methods of enforcing digital copyright protection. And uPlay, the bane of any customer who actually bought a game. Still, with the Sims 4 taking a unique approach to enforcing their right to free and fair trade,w e decided to take a look at five other innovative methods of keeping pirates away from playing popular game over the ages.

In case you can’t watch the video above (For R9.95 per month, I’ll hobble your IT department and unlock the proxies), these are the games we’re discussing today:

  • Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders – Software piracy jail
  • Michael Jackson: The Experience – Lord Of The Flies
  • GTA IV – Wibble wobble
  • Crysis Warhead – Chicken!
  • Serious Sam 3 – The unstoppable pink scorpion of death

I don’t think there’ll ever be a reason to justify video game piracy. Not ever. I understand that some games feel like a gamble these days, and that not everyone can afford to throw down several hundred Randelas on a new title. And if that’s the case, then don’t. Take a chance when the game is on sale. Be patient. Find a pal who bought the game and experience it there. Rent it from a video store. But don’t steal it.

Because who knows what methods developers will go to, especially when they get ticked off, of dealing with a thief and his ass? I’m telling you, one of these days we’re going to experience a fatality…

Last Updated: September 8, 2014

59 Comments

  1. Where can I deposit my R9.95?

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief Assassin

      September 8, 2014 at 16:12

      Gavin’s fund?

      Reply

      • The Adventures of JJ

        September 8, 2014 at 16:29

        Well, last time I got a tent. Which is way more than what I bargained on. 😉

        Reply

  2. The Adventures of JJ

    September 8, 2014 at 15:38

    I think Uplay created more pirates than it dispelled.

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      September 8, 2014 at 15:47

      • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

        September 8, 2014 at 15:50

        yoh GG

        Reply

      • Sageville

        September 8, 2014 at 15:55

        PK 101.

        Reply

      • Norm

        September 8, 2014 at 16:02

        FANTASTIC!

        Reply

      • Admiral Chief Assassin

        September 8, 2014 at 16:09

        Hehehe, how long did you save this gif for?

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          September 8, 2014 at 16:29

          4EVA!

          Reply

      • Rinceable

        September 8, 2014 at 16:21

        Haha! I love how it’s actually the dude sitting next to him! Violence never pays kids…

        Reply

      • Anon A Mouse

        September 8, 2014 at 16:23

        Why the need to take off his shirt though?

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          September 8, 2014 at 16:28

          Because if the other guy gets up to fight he’s shirt could get ripped? That’s what I would do.

          Reply

          • Anon A Mouse

            September 8, 2014 at 16:29

            If the other guy stood up after that PK he’s doing it wrong.

          • Hammersteyn

            September 8, 2014 at 16:31

            LOL agreed

        • The Adventures of JJ

          September 8, 2014 at 16:39

          He’s too sexy for his shirt?

          Reply

    • UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy

      September 8, 2014 at 15:51

      Well I don’t use uPlay, but I have Watchdogs……. 😀

      Reply

      • The Adventures of JJ

        September 8, 2014 at 16:29

        Hehe. My point exactly.

        Reply

  3. PERSONA 5!!!! (Umar)

    September 8, 2014 at 15:40

    This is actually by far my favorite one.

    A freaking fairy pops up and tells you you’re playing a pirated version…I mean, that’s worse than being exposed in RL. Being exposed by a fairy is sure to make any man cringe.

    Reply

  4. Mossel

    September 8, 2014 at 15:41

    I fell victim to that wibble wobble of GTA4 back in the day. Man was I bleak when I finally managed to crack the game (not easy) only to find it is unplayable!

    Reply

  5. Hammersteyn

    September 8, 2014 at 15:47

    I think the Sim character in the beginning might have diarrhea

    Reply

  6. Hammersteyn

    September 8, 2014 at 15:48

    My favourite part is where the pirates complain on the forums about a in game “bug”

    Reply

    • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

      September 8, 2014 at 15:49

      The funniest part is when it’s a legit user who managed to trigger said bug with a legit copy. It happens all the time lol

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        September 8, 2014 at 15:51

        O_o wow

        Reply

        • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

          September 8, 2014 at 15:52

          happened to me once. It was devastating and no one would help me because I was a pirate. Couldn’t even return the bloody game. I can’t remember the game though. So couldn’t have been such a great loss

          Reply

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            September 8, 2014 at 16:02

            Both Far Cry & Vampire Bloodlines wouldn’t run on my PC because according to their copy protection the fact that I had my original game disks in a DVD-writer meant that I was a pirate. Thank goodness for no-CD patches.

          • Skyblue

            September 8, 2014 at 16:37

            Amen. Too often I would just patch my brand new game to get away from all the disk swapping.

          • Brady miaau

            September 8, 2014 at 16:38

            Or cause I lost disk 1 disk out of 4 and cannot play that portion, even though all the content is on the HDD. Knights of the old Repblic, I think of you!!!!!! Lost play disk, had to buy off steam again

          • HvR

            September 9, 2014 at 08:51

            Happened to me as well with one of the Wing Commanders; luckily early enough so that I could return the game as damaged out of the box.

            From then on out I copied play discs for use and stored originals on the shelf.

      • Brady miaau

        September 8, 2014 at 16:07

        Yeah, Battle for Middle Earth. All my chars died when I had CDROM X installed, unplug it and game would work.

        Reply

        • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

          September 8, 2014 at 20:05

          ah yes. I had multiple games that wouldn’t work due to having a dvd writer installed. even just vcd software installed was enough for many games not to work

          Reply

          • Brady miaau

            September 9, 2014 at 11:35

            Yip, at the time I did server software installation, so I had (year 2000) several virtual machines and stuff like that so I could test work stuff in peace. Games did not like ISO file mounting stuff, not at all!

  7. Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

    September 8, 2014 at 15:50

    Pfff. Why would I pay you? I AM the IT department

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief Assassin

      September 8, 2014 at 15:59

      *spoken in Dredd Stallone voice*

      I AM…..THE IT!

      DROP…..YOUR FIREWALL!

      THESE INTERNETS…..ARE OPEN…..TO ALL

      Reply

  8. Admiral Chief Assassin

    September 8, 2014 at 16:07

    Hot Shots reference FTW!

    Reply

  9. Michael

    September 8, 2014 at 16:13

    For the life of me I can’t figure out why people pirate PC games. Wait for the next steam sale if you don’t have $50

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief Assassin

      September 8, 2014 at 16:16

      I’m thinking of pirating EA games, installing them, and then never playing them!

      Reply

      • Michael

        September 8, 2014 at 16:27

        hahahahaha

        Reply

    • Brady miaau

      September 8, 2014 at 16:16

      Early 90’s, there was no such thing as Steam and when I was at school, games were passed around like hotcakes

      Reply

      • Michael

        September 8, 2014 at 16:27

        Same here, these days it is so much easier picking a game up in a special than in the 90’s. plus back then there was no budget for games either.

        Reply

        • Brady miaau

          September 8, 2014 at 16:35

          Yeah, age 13, R20 a month pocket money, a movie was R9.

          Reply

          • Michael

            September 8, 2014 at 16:50

            Bit older than you, R9 used to get us a movie, popcorn and coke. Those where the days.

          • Brady miaau

            September 8, 2014 at 17:00

            I think perhaps it was movie,, coke and stuff too. All I knew was my friends did not have pocket money, i.e. no real budgeting. I could see max two movies a month, if worked out like that. That was the benchmark for my pocket money.

            1990 -ish, about.

    • geelslang

      September 8, 2014 at 17:11

      Its free, fast, easy and they dont have to wait.

      Reply

  10. Brady miaau

    September 8, 2014 at 16:16

    For me the, viewer? Hug hug, kiss, kiss.

    Right, thats me scarred

    Reply

  11. Rinceable

    September 8, 2014 at 16:23

    I liked how Batman dealt with the piracy, think they made it so that you couldn’t make a jump but it was so unobvious they ended up raging and outing themselves. LOL

    Reply

    • The Adventures of JJ

      September 8, 2014 at 16:31

      That’s excellent.

      Reply

    • Brady miaau

      September 8, 2014 at 16:43

      quick google search. Comments are interesting

      Reply

      • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

        September 9, 2014 at 08:00

        Wow. Those comments

        Reply

  12. Willem Swanepoel

    September 8, 2014 at 17:35

    Didnt they do the same thing with Dark Souls ? If you pirated the game it spawns an impossible boss to kill or something 😉

    Reply

    • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

      September 9, 2014 at 07:57

      I think that featured bugged out. Every player I speak to has the same issue. They all bought the game legit

      Reply

  13. Pieter Smal

    September 8, 2014 at 21:47

    Do you remember the Pirate screen from Rayman 2?

    Reply

    • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

      September 9, 2014 at 07:58

      How would you know huh? 😛

      Reply

      • Pieter Smal

        September 9, 2014 at 08:34

        Rayman 2 is a golden oldie – which I was in the mood to play. I could not BUY the game anymore – so I had to “download” it.

        The loss of old favourite games is rather tragic. Too many of them are only available on Piratebay – shame on me or shame on the publisher? Will Steam/Origin sell these old games in the future? A games library? I can only dream on.

        In my defence, however, I buy games. I am not a pirate – unless it is so old you cannot buy it anywhere.

        Reply

  14. J_Joestar

    September 8, 2014 at 23:03

    List is Missing “Cross Days”

    Reply

  15. Mark Sake

    September 9, 2014 at 08:49

    And Half Life 2 with its out of date node graphs eish… have to love Far Cry though… lent my original to a buddy who returned it with a barely noticeable scratch that made it fail the securom test… lovely, so I burned it… vowed to NEVER buy a Ubisoft game again and downloaded a version that umm works sigh 🙁

    Reply

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