There’s nothing scary about The Evil Within

2 min read
14

Really? A horror video game? Ooh, look at all that blood, jump scares and supposed psychological torture. I’ve seen scarier stuff in Geoff’s toilet after a night out at various Mexican themed restaurants. This twaddle can’t scare me. So nice try The Evil Within, but I’m not buying any of your horror at all. Go on, do your worst, show me what ya got, it’s just a flesh wound…

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!

I take back everything I said in the opening paragraph then. We’re busy drawing straws in the office, to see who the unlucky bugger is that has to review this game. Thanks to the fact that most of us possess yellow bellies, jelly livers and are spineless, this might be the game that finally breaks the Lazygamer staff. Also, Gavin is exempt from awarding us any hazard pay, thanks to a well-worded contract.

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The Evil Within will be ruining your best pair of pants on October 14. I’m going to go pour myself a tall glass of nope.

Last Updated: September 17, 2014

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia’s M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

  • Jedi Consular Kromas

    Yeah. I am going to steer clear of this title even if it is GOTY and comes with free special massages with the happy ending.

    • SargonTheGreatPandaOfAkkad

      I do love a happy ending to a video game though…

      • Jedi Consular Kromas

        I am a sucker for a happy ending … 😛

        • Alien Emperor Trevor

          O_o

  • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

    ME! ME ME! PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!

    *realises I’m not staff.
    *watches video
    *suddenly thankful I’m not staff as I think I dodged a bullet

  • SargonTheGreatPandaOfAkkad

    I will review this title for Lazygamer. I’ll bite the bullet. Hell, I’ll even do it for free.

    Introduction:

    The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within The Evil Within….

    Score:

    Reviewer currently in mental asylum. Score pending mental health rehabilitation.

  • GooseZA

    Yeaaaaah nope. Although I did LOVE Dead Space…

  • Martin

    Hey LG, here’s suggestion. Film yourself doing the review. Edit, and provide the highlights. I’m sure we’d all to see that. All in favour?

    • Splooshypooh

      SO MANY UPVOTES!!

  • Isn’t it strange how the Japanese Trailer had a very English title yet they decided to rename it anyway. I think ‘Psycho Break’ sounds cool while ‘The Evil Within’ sounds a little generic.

  • Xcalibersa

    Never going to play this

  • Michael

    I’ll do the PC review! 🙂

  • WolfyZA

    Can’t be worse than P.T

  • Francois Knoetze

    where am I suppose to find cash for october and november!?

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