Top Five video games to keep you warm this winter

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You do not want to know what idea I had for the original header image.

It’s pretty much freezing outside, so cold in fact, that for every word I type, I lose another finger to frostbite. Now, I’m not pointing any fingers at any one location in the country for all this cold (COUGH!CAPETOWN!COUGH!), but we do need to do something to take our mind off the current tundra conditions hitting us. So, grab a blanket, strap a cat to your lap and sit down, for the top five games that will keep you warm.

Dead Island

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Ah, what could be better than a vacation getaway? Zombies, and lot’s of ‘em, in this gem of a game. Dead Island may have it’s fair share of bugs, but the one thing that it does have, is some superb co-op action, whether it be with friends or total strangers.

While you may be running for your life from a horde of the undead, you’ll still be able to grab some sunshine, bask in the rays of warmth and enjoy all there is to offer in a hellish wasteland that was once a picturesque resort, before the undead came a’knockin’.

Just Cause 2

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Imagine having a warm, southern hemisphere nation, all to yourself, armed with whatever guns you could find, a magical parachute and a grappling hook device pilfered from the R&D labs at Wayne Enterprises.

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Now imagine all that, but with an entire army on your ass, as you run ‘n gun your way through jungles, oil rigs and military bases, while disrupting the dastardly plans of a dictator that happens to be half the height of Kim Jong-Il, but with double the excess and ninja bodyguards.

Heck, if you’re going to get warm this year, you might as well work off some excess winter weight as well. And for double-funsies, PC players of this game will soon get to engage in regime-toppling with a friend, thanks to a handy multiplayer mod on the way.

The Diablo 3 Login Screen

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Nothing makes your blood boil more than error 37 screen, trust us. And with Eskom charging enough for electricity to force consumers to permanently adopt a “dropped soap” position, the savings from not having to turn your heater on due to said raging blood reaching optimum warmth levels will be massive indeed.

Tropico 4

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Look, if you’re going to make life hell for the civilians of whatever backwards republic you visit, the least you could do is get yourself elected el Presidente for life. After all, who else can forge a small republic into a tropical powerhouse, while taking down photogenic rebels who happen to have an iconic mugshot on first-world student T-shirts?

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Well, if you can master this game, then all the cigars in all the thinly veiled imitations of Cuba will be yours for the taking, at the end of the day. Viva, el Presidente!

Max Payne 3

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Due to an episode at the dentist earlier this year, I’m practically tripping off my gourd 24/7 on Johnny Cash approved painkillers. But society has shunned my decadent ways, most likely due to the fact that I combine my necessary pill-popping with Jack Daniels flavour-enhancements.

But in the Brazilian world of Max Payne 3, that behaviour isn’t just accepted, it’s practically encouraged. In that game, it’s scientifically proven that painkiller tablets can give you slow-motion powers and can heal practically any wound, including a gunshot to the face.

Combined with alcohol, that’s like being Wolverine, except with guns instead of claws. Sure, the cost for such hedonistic activity in paradise may be a kidnapping here and there linked to a larger conspiracy, but it’s a small price to pay for some sunshine and legendary booze-cruising.

There are plenty more games set in warm climates. Let us know below what your video game tropical destination would be.

Last Updated: July 24, 2012

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia’s M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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