Want to get your partner into gaming?

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Gamer couple 3

As the only lazygamer crew member with lady parts (although some of you might debate this), I’m often (read: at least weekly) asked how gamers can get their partners interested in gaming. So, here’s a one stop guide for anyone who has ever asked, or might ever ask, this question.

Why are you doing this?

Gamer couple tat

Why are you desperate to get your lady friend (most people who ask are male, so going with this gender example) involved in gaming? Do you have dreams of playing co-op with your missus late into the night? Well, stop it. As I’ve already explored, the gamer couple is generally a myth. Even if you get your wife into gaming, she probably won’t want to play with you. While there may be the odd exceptions to the rule, such as Diablo III or MMOs, the truth is that most gaming couples I know end up playing different games.

Also, remember that gaming is an expensive hobby. If you want to get your girlfriend involved in gaming, that might also mean dishing out for a gaming rig, or a new console, or an extra TV. My husband and I are generally quite good at sharing the TV for console gaming, and we each have a computer for PC gaming. However, not all couples are as good at sharing and your wish might come true in an unhappy way when your wife falls in love with Dragon Age and you don’t get to play COD on Xbox anymore.

What types of games?

Gamer couple fight

The Dragon Age vs COD example brings me to my next point. There are many different types of games for many different types of gamers. Perhaps you just want to get your wife into any kind of gaming, but I think you should think about your lady’s personality. A lot of ladies seem to enjoy management simulators on tablets. First of all, please recognize this as a valid form of gaming and if you can get your partner interested in this you’ve already shown her the appeal of this hobby. However, if she likes this and you think she might like something more in-depth even more, it could be worthwhile to introduce her to the Civilization franchise, or The Sims, or Cook, Serve, Delicious!

Gaming is just like any hobby, it might not appeal to all people, and certain aspects of it might be more interesting than others. Shooting games might not be as interesting to your lady as RPGs – she might want more character and plot. That said, she might love some Dead Rising – she’ll get to take out frustration by killing all the things, and express creativity by changing outfits and crafting bizarre weaponry. You might be lucky if your interests in games match up with hers, resulting in hours of Mortal Kombat tournaments, but if not you should still recognize and accept the games she does enjoy.

Not everyone will be excited to play the new Call of Duty, and not everyone is as amped as I am for the new Civilization. Hopefully you know your partner well enough to have a sense of the types of games she might enjoy, and still be open to the surprise when she beats your high score in your favorite racing game.

Backseat Gaming

Gamer couple different

We know spectating is a big deal for eSports, but it also has its place in the home. I absolutely adore being the navigator for my husband – opening up maps on my tablet while he plays Dark Souls. I don’t even have to be navigator to enjoy things – it’s great for me to sit with my feet in his lap while he plays the Witcher; as long as I get to experience the story and characters, I don’t always need to hold the controller. While playing Mass Effect I soon got tired of scanning planets, often opting to go for a pee break in those moments while he could do the scanning for me. I’m not as generous with other games, preferring complete control while playing Final Fantasy or Dragon Age. However, he will happily sit next to me while I play, either looking at guides for weird quests, or just playing his own games on 3DS or Wii U.

Getting your lady involved doesn’t necessary only mean having her hold the controller. It might mean letting her make gameplay decisions or giving her the companion app for the game you’re playing. There are so many ways to play together, it’s important to be open the way it works out.

Accept the things you cannot change

Gamer couple jewelry

Finally, it’s important to realize that you really might not share the same hobbies with your partner. Do you want to get involved with her fascination with crafts? How about her dream of going scuba diving all over the world? Are you about to co-op with her entomology experiments? Perhaps she will never like your hobby, and that’s okay as long as you both have things that you enjoy and can appreciate those things that make each other happy.

In the end, it comes down to each individual relationship. Having a partner with different interests might open you up to a whole new range of ideas and activities. It might be wonderful for your partner to join you in gaming, but as long as you can both be interested and excited for each other, regardless of your various pass times, it shouldn’t really matter if you game together.

Now, please stop asking me how to get your partners into gaming. If you still need advice, I don’t think gaming is the issue.

Last Updated: September 10, 2014

Zoe Hawkins

Wielding my lasso of truth, I am the combination of nerd passion and grammar nazi. I delve into all things awesome and geek-tastic. I believe people should stop defining themselves and just enjoy playing games, so let’s get on with it!

  • Hammersteyn

    Some of us needs a partner first :'(

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      awww #ForeverSP

      • Brady miaau

        Crisis, that is a bit mean. But damn funny too!

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        Your last sentence… we need “gaming” advice πŸ˜‰

      • Brady miaau

        As an aside, comment of the week, so far, for me, easily. Just classic!

    • Sk3tz0

      So #foreveralone you only play wow on a Private server πŸ˜›

      • Hammersteyn

        hahaha Jeez, no ones that alone

    • Sgt. M

      I know that feel bro.

      • Hammersteyn

        Heh you feel so nice you posted it twice

        • Sgt. M

          Work internet is slow today. Maybe it’s a sign that i should actually do some work today?

  • Pieter Smal

    My partner is 20 years older than me – he has little interest in gaming. Yes, there are things that I cannot change.

    Yet, I show him my games. Ask him to sit next to me. Watch me shoot the zombies. He still has no interest in gaming… but at least he knows what SimCity and Left 4 Dead is πŸ˜€

    • Admiral Chief Assassin

      “20 years older”

      Explain?

      • The Adventures of JJ

        Come now Admiral. You’re married, this is no time to try and get tips. ;P

        • Admiral Chief Assassin

          Happily married, just curious about such a big age gap

          • Mossel

            I’m going out with a cougar! She is a full 3 months older than me.

          • Admiral Chief Assassin

            JOU RAMKAT!

          • The Adventures of JJ

            Five months dude. Yea, I know. We’re a whole different type of bad ass.

          • Mossel

            I don’t usually boast about these things, but I must agree, we are pretty bad ass.

          • The Adventures of JJ

            lol

      • Mossel

        Well obviously 20 years before Pieter was born, his future partner was born.

        • Admiral Chief Assassin

          Geen poef Sherlock

          • Mossel

            *flies away into the night

          • Admiral Chief Assassin

            LIES….YOU CANNOT FLY!

          • Mossel

            *comes crashing down shortly after

          • Admiral Chief Assassin

            Bwhahahahahahahaha

          • The Adventures of JJ

            After realising it. Sounds like you’re a cartoon character.

          • Mossel

            O_O
            I’ve been compromised!

          • The Adventures of JJ

            Here, take this strange black ball with a mysteriously burning thread.

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            bwhahahaha

      • Spathi

        Pieter found a sugar daddy, good for him! πŸ˜›

      • Pieter Smal

        I am 25, he is 45. We are best friends – and he is really the best person I know. No, he is not a sugar daddy!. There is a lot more that I should say, but this forum is not the place for it. Thank you for asking.

        • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

          No need to explain to these vultures Pieter πŸ˜›

          But at least he likes to watch you game, and he doesn’t demand that you should stop (because he doesn’t share your interests). That’s actually a sign of a very good partner. I always believe that you should have different interests, but also allow your partner to enjoy theirs and they should allow you to enjoy yours.

          • Brady miaau

            Hey, spoken by a man that understands balance and the importance of it in a relationship.

          • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

            “Balance my friend is the key to a great relationship” Guru Love Banana!

          • The Adventures of JJ

            We still don’t even know whether you’re a real person or just a ghost in the machine and here you are giving love advice. ;P

          • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

            One learns many things on the internet!

          • WarframedSquirrel

            Just don’t go to the parts of the internet Unavengedavo frequents.

          • The Adventures of JJ

            Yes, it’s like Ravenholm.

          • Pieter Smal

            Vultures? That is a bit harsh. I like the community here – nice people mostly. We are all vulnerable – some people are just comfortable being vulnerable, honest and open.

            The interest of my partner is… plants. He knows everything about plants… I know a lot about gaming and music. We make space for our differences and complement each others’ personality very well.

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            So do you use his plants as bookends to keep your games up or does he use your games as places to rest his plants on? :p

          • Pieter Smal

            Neither. His plant collection grows outside (and on the nursery) and my games are in my studio πŸ™‚

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            Darnit. The trolling opportunities were endless πŸ˜›

          • Tor Sjoberg

            Play Plants v Zombies

        • Admiral Chief Assassin

          Thanks for the clarification, age gaps and how they work fascinate me. Since 20 years effectively relates to different eras, I’m quite curious

          • Pieter Smal

            We are more best friends than “gay” partners. Neither of us agree with contemporary ideologies – we approach our friendship without sexual interaction.

    • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

      My wife also has no interest in gaming. But she can now tell what game I am playing just by the starting splash screens showing which companies were involved.

      It’s kind of awesome knowing she has no interest in gaming but has paid enough attention to see things like that. It shows she has an interest in me and me being happy which is far more satisfying than her playing games with me

      • Mossel

        My girlfriend asked me the other day what Mass Effect is about. I told her to sit down and have some tea.

        • The Adventures of JJ

          Not quite the Effect she was expecting, I’m sure.

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            BOOM

        • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

          HAHAHAHAHA.

          • Mossel

            Yeah man I stared at her for like 10seconds and then let out a sigh. I was trying to make it short but realized that is impossible. I then asked her, how do you explain to someone what Lord of the Rings is about in 5min?

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            Some horny space commander goes and defeats an alien race bent on world domination. He has sex with half the crew and dies at the end only to come back from the dead through some cloning and then ends it all in one of 3 ways.

          • Mossel

            Wouw shit!! Im only playing nr 2 now…. O_O

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            ….. ur… ignore everything from cloning on…..

          • Mossel

            I stopped reading midway…ffs, I knew not to bring up a game that I’m still playing.

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            Wait.. but he comes back from the dead from #2? I didn’t give anything away then?

          • Mossel

            The Normandy crashes at the start of the game…then Cerberus finds him. So just say yes, that was what you were referring to…lol.

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            it is what I was talking about

          • Skoobaz

            LOL, me too. Thanks a LOT Rants…. !

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            Eish

          • Mossel

            lol he should change his name to Sir Spoils A Lot. xD

          • Skoobaz

            Just finished the reaper IFF mission last night in ME2. Was… EPIC. Submachine gun with cryo ammo maxed, It slices, it dices,but wait, there’s MOAR!!

          • The Adventures of JJ

            That sounds like Emperor Trevor’s life story.
            Only he had sex with the aliens.

          • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

            Yeah, but you have to add less sex…. #StayStrongTrevor

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            *sob*

          • Admiral Chief Assassin

            XDXDXDXD

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            And what thanks do I get? NONE.

          • The Adventures of JJ

            I blame them for bringing you back to life. That was unnecessary.

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            Fine. Next secret alien invasion you can all deal with it yourselves. I won’t save you.

          • The Adventures of JJ

            We have Rince. They’ll think we’ve already been invaded.

        • Brady miaau

          My wife watches the intro movies of games like The Witcher, DA and Mass Effect and I tell her the plot if interesting

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            My wife wants a Starcraft2 movie. She made me show her all the cutscene videos.

          • Brady miaau

            Yeah, I think so too. but with more realistically muscled people, was her first comment

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            loooooooool

          • Mossel

            hehe yeah I raged about Bioshock for months, she probably knows more about that game now than your average gamer without even playing it!

  • The Adventures of JJ

    Zoe! Open your Steam damn it.

    • The Adventures of JJ

      I sent you a game link, they said you missed the free Warlock. I have two.

  • The Adventures of JJ

    My advice to getting your partner into gaming: Give them Skyrim to try.

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      also known as: how to avoid conversation with your partner for months πŸ˜›

      • The Adventures of JJ

        Yes. I can confirm this. It goes both ways too.

      • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

        Sorry what was that? I was busy fighting a dragon.

    • Now you see I tried this with my other half… Gave her Skryim with all the DLC and shiny mods, she hasn’t opened it yet…
      So i gave her a WoW battle chest and some play time…
      Guess who is now the happy little anti social MMO player XD

      • The Adventures of JJ

        I’ve actually considered getting that for her to try.

        • The battle chest unlocks up to cataclysm and comes with a month of play time for R150 odd.
          If your SO doesn’t enjoy it, oh well. If they do, then it gets expensive $_$ lol so its a catch 22

          • The Adventures of JJ

            Hmmm. Will have to think about this one.

  • Guild

    I made the mistake of introducing my wife to Hearthstone on the iPad. She hogs it now. I’m lucky if I get a chance. Only other games she played and we enjoyed together, was taking turns playing God of War 3 and XCOM Enemy Unknown

  • Nahuel Graziani

    Tried to introduce my girlfriend into gaming. She wanted a High-School Musical game with a dance mat. She made me dance with her. We danced a lot. This was not the kind of co-op gaming I expected, Gears of War would have sufficed.

    • The Adventures of JJ

      This^

    • Brady miaau

      You win, you lose, is life

    • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

      Oh man… this had me in stitches

    • Admiral Chief Assassin

      I know I should not be insensitive, but BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      • The Adventures of JJ

        That “We danced a lot” broke me.
        Good for you Nahuel, that’s a prime example of going above and beyond for the one you love.

    • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

      looooooooooooool

    • DrKiller

      You have to start somewhere πŸ™‚

  • Trebzz

    Some people feel the need to have their partner into gaming so they feel they have something in common to fill the empty void in their relationship sadly.

    • Spathi

      Marvin, is that you!? Some people just want to share things they love with a loved one. Sharing is caring.

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        I tried to tell her that but she just swore at me. I think the penicillin made her cranky.

      • Trebzz

        No it’s so they can take their girls to gaming events so they can act all superior by showing people how they have a “gamer girlfriend” welcome to the real world.

        • Spathi

          Prozac is your friend Trebzz!

  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    Step 1 – Get partner… please wait… loading…

    • The Adventures of JJ

      Let’s hope this doesn’t work like Windows Vista or I have some bad news for you.

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        Any minute now…

        • The Adventures of JJ

          Hahaha

    • Anon A Mouse

      Ja boet, I also first have to start with the want to get a partner thing. Then move on to “let her know she is your partner” and then to “the stockholm syndrome and your partner”. Maybe after that we’ll try the gameing thing.

      • The Adventures of JJ

        LOL “Stockholm Syndrome and your partner”

    • hairyknees

      I never get past Step 1 πŸ™

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        Dude, she’s your mom FFS! #shotsfired

        • Anon A Mouse

          #cabbagesfired ~ fixed it for you.

      • The Adventures of JJ

        Catch them on a diet. Then they pretty much only have cabbage.

  • WarframedSquirrel

    My wife is pretty good at the management games, very decent on WoW, but she gets bored pretty quickly with most games. I’ve offered her many different games to play, and she’ll take her pick on something that interests her, but then she’ll play it for a while and then leave it. The only exception to this is WoW (the first game I got her into), she has put MANY hours into the game and normally always goes back to it if she’s out of books to read or mobile games to play.

    I’ve taken days out of my gaming schedule to spend time with her as she doesn’t particularly like me sitting in front of the TV for hours if she can’t co-op (a little) or if the game doesn’t have a good story. It’s about keeping the balance between your hobby and theirs, and you need to remember that they won’t always like, or understand, your hobby… like golf.

    If you want to get someone into gaming, then they need to have an interest in it, or be into it already. If there’s no interest, you have little to no chance.

    • The Adventures of JJ

      Yes you’re right. I can’t understand how someone can like golf πŸ˜‰
      But, if you ask Rince, it might be because I’m so great at it *clears throat*

      On a serious note. My gf also tends to get bored quickly with a lot of games, Skyrim and Fallout have kept her enthralled the longest so far. Sometimes I feel like a noob when she talks to me about the lore and the events surrounding The Elder Scrolls.

  • Brady miaau

    In my house it is a also a responsibility thing. I am a mildly successful chap, run projects, leader at church and stuff. But I am still 12 when it comes to certain responsibility. . My wife will still play games like Tekken or Soul Caliber, but on very rare occasions. Last game she rocked was Civ III and that was before she was my wife (we dated for many years, 7)

    She will rather work on her sewing or making a new clock or something. She feels that she contributes more to our lives by doing that. Some of my male friends say the same about their wives, they feel gaming does not contribute to the adult responsibilities we all have. Poppycock

    BUT my wife has not problem with me playing games, but generally I play when she is asleep or when she is busy with her own thing, craft usually. Not to stereotype, using Zoe’s article or anything.

    • The Adventures of JJ

      The fact that she made an appearance here for the sake of our ranting is still one of the coolest things that happened this year.

  • Brady miaau

    One of my fondest gaming memories was playing DA: Origins, with the wife watching. We did several things together. I called her for the big scene near the end with the king and stuff and she loved every minute. That was AWESOME

    • Thats_how_I_Troll

      Damn, the DA made a game to show their origins?

      • The Adventures of JJ

        XP is awarded simply by pointing fingers.

      • Brady miaau

        Ok, nicely done

  • OVGrounded new game+++

    Its their destiny.

  • Rags

    Here I was thinking 50% of gamers are female and all that was stopping them was the lack of strong female characters and triggerwarnings. πŸ˜€

  • FoxOneZA

    Screw this! #SPForever #SPForever #SPForever #SPForever #SPForever #SPForever #SPForever #SPForever

  • Rags

    Where is our DRM friend?
    Don’t support Domestic Rights Management.
    #foreverSP

    • Sk3tz0

      oh lol. 10000 upvotes for u πŸ˜›

  • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

    When the missus and I first started dating, I was desperate to get her into gaming. I eventually learnt that I shouldn’t force it upon her. But, it slowly rubbed off on her. 10 years later, and she now owns her own 3DS. πŸ˜›

    • OVGrounded new game+++

      Is that bra size?

      • Admiral Chief Assassin

        LOOOOOOL

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        I’m not expert but I’m fairly sure you don’t get 3 D’s.

        • Thats_how_I_Troll

          Well he is a banana….

        • Anon A Mouse

          A D for every boob maybe?

          And actually you do get 3d’s

  • Sk3tz0

    This is your answer to the Question. Why we wanna get our SO to game..

  • Gerhard

    I have the best of both worlds. My wife loves co-op shooting like Army of Two etc. When I am playing games on my own she will keep busy with Candy Crush or something. Best of all she is a mean golfer!

    • Anon A Mouse

      Does she have any sisters?

      • Gerhard

        Indeed, but no interest in gaming. Oh and married:)

        • Anon A Mouse

          Darn #foreversp then.

  • MrChinwag

    I don’t Need my GF to play games with me.. But she more than welcome to make me a nice sandwich while i play. Seeing that you cant pause games anymore.

  • Tor Sjoberg

    ‘Want to get your partner into gaming’ –I would but we don’t have a TV in the kitchen?!

  • caponeil

    Just marry a Gamer, that can also occasionally double up as a Sanwich maker… πŸ™‚

  • Mythryl

    Yay I am special (yes short bus too!). Wifey and I game together all the time. I now have to order 2 x copies of everything! Our lounge has transformed into Noah’s ark…2 of everything. Issue I have now is wife wants to play destiny and old man wants to go to bed. We do have work the next day you know

  • Mabenito

    Tried getting her into games, but she told me it’s like getting me into panty shopping. Got the point and never asked her again.

  • FreddyBear

    Tried it once, until my wife took my Red Dead Redemption game, rode my horse of a cliff, shot up all the townsfolk and overrode my save game….I decided it would be better for her to keep on playing The Sims πŸ˜›

  • Gerhard

    Most women I know that are gaming say games must be fun and not too difficult or complicated. Think that is why mobile games are popular with women as it does not intrude on their normal routine.

    We used to play fighting games but it is not fun anymore. Look at fighting games from way back where you had two buttons (punch and kick) and joystick for high or low. Later it was four and today you need to punch in combination codes that equals hacking a CIA computer just to kick or punch.

  • DrKiller

    The trick to force someone to play a game with you, is to play game with animals in it! I got a chick to like Tekken before because there was a Panda……. I was also quite confused.

  • HappyWife

    This was a great article, thank you for writing it. I’m trying to get my husband to play more games like Smash and Hyrule Warriors with me, but you raise a good point about considering your spouse’s personality and selecting games from there. So once again, thanks for the advice!

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