The XCOM 2 launch trailer will make you want to take back Earth

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Mars Attacks ... er... XCOM 2

XCOM 2 is out today, and no, I won’t be playing it. I just… I just can’t.

My decision stems from all the emotional trauma I endured in the first XCOM. I’ll never forget my first team of soldiers, and the hell they went through to try save earth…

They were great, really. Mark kept everybody alive from miles away, thanks to his trusty skill with a sniper rifle. Arjen, my support, made sure everybody was in top form on the field, always. Jan… boy did he have a way with shotguns. And then there was Jesse – a true legend in the face of the alien threat.

Arjen was the first to go. A bad call from the Commander (AKA ME) saw him meeting a particularly horrific end at the hands, erm, claws of an unexpected Chryssalid. He later became a zombie, and instead of fulfilling his role of support, he destroyed the entire squad.

I stomached it all, right up to the point when I lost Jesse. I’d watched this soldier grow from rookie to hero. Losing him was a blow I could never recover from! It was all my fault… all… my… fault…

That friends, is why I won’t be playing XCOM 2. I will not subject myself to that emotional rollercoaster again, at least not willingly. And no, not even some silly launch trailer will sway my decision…

Read  20 years later, here’s 20 facts about Alien Resurrection that you may not know

Earth has changed. Twenty years have passed since world leaders offered an unconditional surrender to alien forces. XCOM, the planet’s last line of defense, was left decimated and scattered. Now, in XCOM 2, the aliens rule Earth, building shining cities that promise a brilliant future for humanity on the surface, while concealing a sinister agenda and eliminating all who dissent from their new order.

Shit, EARTH NEEDS ME! Brb putting a new squad together to kick some alien butt!

Last Updated: February 5, 2016

Matthew Figueira

Defence of the Ancients? More like Defence of the cabbages! Have you seen my head? I look like a Merino Sheep on pole. NO SHANGE only SHAPPIES! :D

  • Commander Admiral Chief

    That’s it.

    That

    is

    flippen

    IT

    *drops everything and goes home

    • HairyEwok

      Why are you commenting today on stories….. You should be locked away in a dark room with XCOM2 :/

      • Commander Bob

        Like many of us, the Admiral needs to work in order to support his XCOM habit.

        • HairyEwok

          And here I thought he was the boss….. XD

          • Commander Bob

            Not even in his own house 😛

          • Commander Admiral Chief

            Lies

          • Commander Bob

            I’m sure Mrs Chief will remind you who’s in charge over the weekend. Spoiler: It’s not you 🙂

          • Commander Admiral Chief

            Spoiler, you are incorrect

          • Commander Admiral Chief

            Geoff is the boss of Lagz.
            But he is my little bitch.
            My sexy, manly little bitch.

          • Captain JJ ‘saurus

            O_o

          • lulz, love to see his response…

          • Captain JJ ‘saurus

            Maybe all you’ll see is that little “mod” tag next to Admiral’s name disappear.

          • HAHA! I would laugh too much

          • check it again…

          • Captain JJ ‘saurus

            LOOOL

          • annnnnnd it’s gone. 🙂

          • Captain JJ ‘saurus

            And this on an XCOM 2 article

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            Bloody Agent!

          • BWAHAHAH! LOOK AGAIN!

          • Captain JJ ‘saurus

            No way!

          • WAAAAY!

          • hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

          • Geoff sneaky ninja strike

          • Dude, you look… NORMAL… Like the other peasants. What has happened?!

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            Sies. What if the children see?

          • Commander Admiral Chief

            Finally, I can rest

      • damn straight he should! We need that review… HAHAHAH

  • Commander Admiral Chief

    Hype level overload

  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    If it really went that badly Matty there’s only one thing you can do to redeem yourself, lead from the front. WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY in front. By yourself. Off you go.

    • hairyknees

      I CHOOSE LIFE!

  • Hammersteyn

    Reality shows, Kardashians, Bieber, Zuma, Malema, selfies, selfie sticks, duck faces, hipsters, EA… they can keep Earth thanks

    • Alien Emperor Trevor

      • Lardus-For the Emperor!

        Brilliant!!

  • Lardus-For the Emperor!

    Colleague downloaded the first 23GB for me!!! Just the last bit when I get home, and Terra will be SAVED!

  • Hargrim

    I . . I want to save the earth, but I haven’t even lost it yet (Still busy with Enemy Within)

  • Man I want to play this. Wonder if my new PC will handle it.It runs on Vista, right?

    • Captain JJ ‘saurus

      I think a few pc gamers out there just exploded spontaneously.

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        IN LAUGHTER! #amirite

        • Captain JJ ‘saurus

          LOL

        • But it’s Vista SP3. That’s okay isn’t it? I have 512RAM too.

          • Captain JJ ‘saurus

            Jeez man. What are you running? An XBox One?

          • hahahahahahahaha

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            STAHP!

          • It also has an onboard graphics card and on board soundcard so it’s quite compact and comes in at only 45kgs. It helps having a brother in IT, he knows his stuff!

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            So you’re saying JJ was right & you did buy an Xbox One?

          • ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

          • Captain JJ ‘saurus

            I don’t often get told I’m right by Rince (I’ve given up hope with you).
            I’ll take it!

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            I’d tell you you’re right if you agreed with me, but you never do. It’s not my fault you choose to be wrong all the time.

          • Captain JJ ‘saurus

            I’ve agreed.
            Twice!
            XD

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            I also never listen to people. You should know this.

          • Captain JJ ‘saurus

            LOL

          • Because!

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!

  • Captain JJ ‘saurus

    Let’s just take a moment and recall that both Pierce Brosnan and Jack Black were in Mars Attacks.

    • Hammersteyn

      Also the centaur, Sarah Jessica Parker

    • Jan Prins

      And Jack Nicholson, if my decrepit old mind serves…

      • Captain JJ ‘saurus

        Oh yea!
        Wow

  • Jan Prins

    ” Jan… boy did he have a way with shotguns.”
    https://memecomiccentral.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/meme-face-2.jpg
    DID???

    • hairyknees

      RIP JAN! :'(

  • Johann

    Mine is still downloading, only bit the bullet last night… more or less 12 hours of download to go

  • Andre116

    That got me pumped up!

    Until my first squad dies…

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