I think that humanity needs to get over its petty differences. Race, creed, religion…None of this matters, not in the long run. If you want to hate something or someone, don’t hate on skin colour or ideological differences that make no sense in a society that has matured over the last two thousand years or so. Instead, direct that hatred towards a worthy target. Like people with outie belly buttons.
Or more legally, towards aliens in video games. Yes, those little grey bastards deserve all your scorn, what with their massive eyes and weirdly-shaped heads. The only good Truxican isa dead Truxican I say! Bunch of job-stealing bastards that keep hopping over our borders and stealing our galactic welfare! MAKE EARTH GREAT AGAIN!
While I get to work on the four-hour process that I use to hide my massive bald spot, you guys keep making me proud. A gander over at the XCOM 2 Global Overview page reveals that players have so far killed over 56.6 million of the grey f***ers. At least, at the time that this post was written. To get all those kills however, numerous soldiers had to be sacrificed. Sort of like my military strategy against the Killbots of Rigel-7, where I took advantage of the built-in kill limit of those deadly droids.
By throwing wave after wave of soldiers to needlessly die, the Killbots quickly reached their limit and had to reboot. An easy victory. Matty! Show the people here my medal for valour! Anyway, you lot are almost as intelligent as me, as you’ve sent over 4.4 million of your soldiers to absorb enemy fire. The most popular weapon so far has been the good ol’ assault rifle, which has earned 27% of all kills. Rangers have been the most popular class to use as well, having killed 26% of all enemies thrown at them.
The numbers keep going up, and so do the costs of war. Keep up the good work soldiers and remember: We need to move the brandy cabinet a few feet closer to the front. Go absorb some more lasers already with your troops.
Last Updated: February 11, 2016