Hit or Miss: Marmite is delicious, and haters are missing out

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MArmite

Marmite. It’s something you either love or you hate – with there being absolutely no room for middle ground. A bit like current politics, I suppose. The sticky, gooey, salty brown paste has as many fans as it has detractors. It’s even entered the lexicon as a descriptor for something which can only have polarising opinions.

Me? I love the stuff. Spread very thinly over buttered toast, it’s intense and salty, rich umami flavours tickle my taste buds, while simultaneously peeling the skin off the roof of my mouth – and that’s just how I like it. There is of course, a school of thought (and a legion of fans) who’ll say that the meatier Bovril is superior. I may sit in that camp. Not because of its beefier taste, but just because it spreads a little easier, which means I actually have toast for breakfast instead of shredded blobs of crusty bread.

Anyway, I think Marmite (and other similar, goopy brown extract spreads) is delicious stuff – but what about you? Do you think it’s road tar, jarred by the devil and sold to an idiotic populace? Do you think Bovril rules, and Marmite has no place on this or any other earth?

Do you want a Marmite and sharp cheddar cheese sandwich right this very instant?

Last Updated: February 3, 2017

Geoffrey Tim

Editor. I’m old, grumpy and more than just a little cynical. One day, I found myself in possession of a NES, and a copy of Super Mario Bros 3. It was that game that made me realise that games were more than just toys to idly while away time – they were capable of being masterpieces. I’m here now, looking for more of those masterpieces.

  • Umar

    Fish Paste 4 Lyf

  • Grimsupanoob

    Marmite and cheese or marmite and honey on toast..mmmh mmmh. However pineapple is gross on pizza…

  • I replaced Marmite on toast with Nutella on toast and my days have seemed to be happier for some reason.

  • Hammersteyn

    Marmite and pineapple on toast is awesome, y’all that disagree are just haters

    • PurplePariah

      *wood-fired toast in a circular shape.

    • Original Heretic

      You have pineapple brain.

    • Magoo

      Well NOW what is Otto supposed to say?

      • Hammersteyn

        He’s supposed to agree?

    • MonsterCheddar

      Dude no. Really?

  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    Marmite on toast is reserved for when I’m sick & need something bland for my stomach. I would never choose to eat it otherwise.

    • Uusually when I am in need of that much salt I just go to early access title forums on steam. 😛

      • PurplePariah

        !!!!!!! Dying!!!!

      • Hammersteyn

        BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • Member Berry Bob

    I think it’s great. One drop and your salt intake is sorted for the next 10 years. You simply cannot beat that value 🙂

    • Hammersteyn

      ROFL!

  • PurplePariah

    Geoff. When did your head break? Was it while you were overseas? Over the holiday? Did Darryn subject you to one of his bedtime rituals?

    • Original Heretic

      Darryn has bedtime rituals? How do you know this?

      No, no, don’t wanna know, consider than previous question rhetorical.

  • PurplePariah

    I suppose in a way this shit is a hit. In the way that if someone wants me to eat it, they can expect to get hit in the face.

    • Hammersteyn

      XD XD XD XD XD

    • Hammersteyn

      Ever tried Bovril? Has a more beefy taste

      • PurplePariah

        Yes I have and that shit is as bad as this shit. They’re both terrifyingly disgusting, to the point that if I see a bottle in my house it’ll get trashed before it gets opened.

        • Francois Knoetze

          toast, lots of butter and bovril!

        • Original Heretic

          You give your marmite and/or bovril alcohol?

          Weird….

          • PurplePariah

            I didn’t even see that reference. I guess I asked for it. XD

  • Tracy Benson

    Ewwww both are so gross. Take your fake meat paste and get out

    • Hammersteyn

      Some say it’s cows blood

      • Original Heretic

        Some say it’s communist.

  • Original Heretic

    To be dead honest, on a lekker piece of toast, I just like plain ol’ butter/margerine/spread (y’all know what I mean).

    • PurplePariah

      Seeded brown, fresh, with a nice spread marg that melts into it. Now you’re talking.

      • Original Heretic

        Aaaaand now I’m hungry….

    • Tracy Benson

      Plain margarine, nice and melted, with a little bit of sea salt. Nom

      • Lu

        Pan-toast the bread in salted butter. Margerine doesn’t cut it anymore

        • Tracy Benson

          I must try this!

          • Lu

            I take no responsibility for your heart health, but my normal MO is to make toasted cheeses like this: Take a normal cheese sandwich (Moz, Feta and mature cheddar combo well too). Heat some salted butter in a non stick pot and grill fry the sandwich in that, with a lid on top. flip it till golden on both sides. Infinite win

  • Praise KEK

    TOASTED Marmite and cheese. try it sometime. It is wonderful stuff.

    • Hammersteyn

      YES!

      • Dutch Matrix

        On French Toast it is devine!

        • Hammersteyn

          Hmmmm need to try it

  • Magoo

    Uh.. I think I’ll wait for Glenn’s piece before I start debating today.

  • Doge Man

    Team Bovril here.

  • Francois Knoetze

    Bovril is better!!!

  • MonsterCheddar

    Bovril is better.

    • miaau

      Yeah, you are right.

      Bovril is better as warm winters drink.

      • Dresden

        I thought that was more of a British thing. Have you tried it?

        • miaau

          We had Bovril in winter, 1 teaspoon, boiled water, wait for like 20 minutes to cool and drink

          • BakedBagel

            That sounds like total degeneracy.

          • miaau

            i think, perhaps, we might define degeneracy in mildly different ways

          • BakedBagel

            Im just thinking of this weird beefy drink mixture. and my mind is telling me gross.

            Thankfully RSA doesnt get cold enough to justify that :D?

          • Lu

            You’ve never had beef broth?
            And in the Vaal it gets cold enough to burst the water pipes so it does justify it.

          • miaau

            Not really, no. But we still had it as kids, with our Grandparents. My grandparents had Morning tea and High Tea, if that helps the “British” thing. Both South African, but my Gran moved here when she was 4, my grandfather’s family long established, but in Grahamstown farms, were I think the British habits still held sway

          • HvR

            Best thing if you are recovering from a bad cold/flu or stomach bug

      • MonsterCheddar

        Wait. What????????

    • Hammersteyn

      I like both, but I prefer Marmite a teensy bit more

      • HvR

        damn vegans everywhere

  • MonsterCheddar

    The Aussies have their own version. Called Vegemite.

    • PurplePariah

      And as usual (even though it shouldn’t be possible) – it’s worse than either Marmite or Bovril.

      • MonsterCheddar

        Never tasted it.

        • PurplePariah

          Basically it’s salty, sticky yeast. So all the bad stuff about marmite or bovril, without the beef.

          • Dresden

            Isn’t Vegemite and Marmite basically the same thing?

          • miaau

            Nah, quite different.

            http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/05/vegemite-vs-marmite-taste_n_2807624.html

            Seems down to personal taste, really

          • Dresden

            I actually meant that they are both vegetable-based compared to the meat based Bovril, but thanks for the article.
            Think I’ve read this or something similar to it somewhere a while ago.

          • miaau

            yeah, in that respect, similar, but i have tasted Vegimite, here in SA, with a friend and it was YUCKY, very strong and somehow fishy.

          • PurplePariah

            On paper, perhaps. But they’re both gross, so technically they’re the same to me. XD

          • MonsterCheddar

            EWWWW

    • Hammersteyn

      Silly Aussies 😛

  • konfab

    I am a marmite person myself.
    I nearly turned my two kittens into a pair of slippers the other day because they knocked a jar off the counter.

    That being said, there is nothing in this world that compares with fresh bread and butter.

    • Best way to experience Marmite:
      2 Slices of toast
      Both smeared with butter, melting into the bread
      One smeared with thin layer of Marmite
      Other smeared with medium layer of golden syrup.
      Place think piece of cheese between these two slices.

      I dare you to try that and not enjoy it!

      The combination of salty and sweet… hmm, hmmmm!

  • I think we can all agree that whether you’re a Marmite or Bovril person, that Oxo still tastes like the devil’s used toilet-paper.

    • PurplePariah

      I thought they stopped making that.

      • Hammersteyn

        They did (I think) Now the Devil wipes his ass with the US presidency

    • Admiral Chief

      Seconded

    • HvR

      Definitely and Marmite tastes like the Devil’s TP if Satan was a vegan

    • Yondaime

      The mere thought of tasting Marmite makes me cringe!

  • miaau

    I LOVED Marmite as a child.

    3 times, had marmite sarnies and within 12 hours had a multi-day migraine attack. That sucks. A lot. (nobody seems to know all the triggers for these attacks or even if Marmite is a trigger, but it seems many other people have had similar to me)

    Did not touch again for years, but yeah, Marmite is cool. Better than Bovril.

  • Dresden

    I prefer Marmite, but I don’t discriminate. Both are great!

  • BakedBagel

    Marmite is for plebs.

    Bovril Master Race

    • Hammersteyn

      I like both, I’m so confused. Even with gaming I game on console and PC

      • miaau

        A man of the people, of the world.

      • BakedBagel

        Atleast consoles give some sort of entertainment, release “some” dopamine.

        All Marmite does is make me question why i wasted this perfectly good slice of toast

        • Hammersteyn

          LOL

  • Admiral Chief

    I like it, but Bovril is tops

  • MonsterCheddar
  • Bovril and Marmite both taste the same to me.

    I also like seeing umami being used 😛

    • VampyreSquirrel

      lol freak

  • VampyreSquirrel

    *Doesn’t read article*

    Marmite and Bovril are disgusting!

  • Thinly spread? Lol. Noob

  • DragonSpirit009

    I’m one of those people who likes both Marmite and Bovril. Depends which one is on special that will be the one I buy.
    But if I really, really have to choose between them I think I would choose Bovril. Smoother spread XD

    • VampyreSquirrel

      heathen!

      • DragonSpirit009

        Can’t help it 😛

        • VampyreSquirrel

          Can’t take you anywhere… not even to take the Marmite back… BECAUSE YOU ATE IT!

          • DragonSpirit009

            Lol… No one takes me anywhere!! I take everyone everywhere *evil laughs*

          • VampyreSquirrel

            O.o

            So many ways to take that comment…

          • DragonSpirit009

            Yeah I know… Only noticed it sounds iffy after I posted it XD

          • VampyreSquirrel

            never thought you’d be the one to make dodgy comments on a Marmite thread.

  • ZA Ludomusicologist

    This shows how low Criticalhit has to bow to to accommodate to lowest denominator. The last paragraph contains three sentences, just long enough to be a paragraph, and with poor quality content. I am severely disappointed.

    • … I think you missed the point of these Hit or Miss posts.. they aren’t articles they are places for the community to talk and discuss random things..

      • ZA Ludomusicologist

        I know it’s a Friday chat… but I still feel the quality of your content has gone down. AGAIN: to accommodate the lowest denominator. There are no intellectual or challenging thoughts here. And this is what Charl (g33kporn) attempts in his articles – stimulate deeper discussion. There is much more I’d like to say about the quality and standard of video game journalism at this time… but that might be better in person.

    • to to to to!

  • Purple_Dragon

    Mmm, no mention of Vegemite.

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