G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra – Review – Playstation 3

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For the past couple of months I have basically been swimming in Licensed games for review, obviously because it has been America’s Summer blockbuster season and most blockbusters are accompanied by games these days.

The truth is that this year was quite a big step forwards for licensed games, with titles such as Wolverine, Afro Samurai and Ice Age 3 proving that all licensed games don’t need to be bad.

Well, the season is coming to an end and with it the release of G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra. Due to the decent standard of licensed titles that came out this year, I wondered if G.I. Joe would bring its A-Game as well and show me just how much fun it was to be one of the Joe’s.

I roundhouse kicked the disc into the Playstation 3 to find out for myself.

To be honest, I just want to keep this review brief, so here we go.

G.I Joe is absolutely, positively atrocious.

To start off with the graphics were so terrible that for a moment I thought that PS2 backwards-compatibility had once again been realised. Not only that but it wasn’t even running smoothly either.

The controls are horrid, the combat system is useless and is put to shame by most 8-bit shooters, like Gun Smoke. The voice acting is overdone, the AI gets stuck and the menus are generic.

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In my time reviewing games for Lazygamer I have actually been lucky to be exposed to some decent licensed games that were given a fair amount of effort. G.I Joe is not one of those games.

It feels rushed, it feels incomplete and it feels like nothing more than a last minute cash in, in every single conceivable way. If you are a parent who has been dying to get their children to leave the couch and go play outside instead, buy them G.I Joe, they will be kicking balls and climbing trees in no time.

Scoring

Gameplay: 3.0
Seriously, it is outdone by most 8-bit shooters.

Presentation: 4.0
Choppy graphics that wouldn’t even impress on a Playstation 2.

Sound: 5.0
Cheesy, with a side of cheese and a cheese topping.

Value: 3.0
Depends on how hard you throw it.

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Overall: 4.0

Do not under any circumstances, buy this game. Seriously.

Last Updated: August 21, 2009

Nick De Bruyne

Video games writer, editor and critic since ’08. Living and breathing video games, movies and cars since the 80s. Follow me on Twitter if you love tons of gaming talk, and @pennyworthrevs for fun stuff and links.

  • Banana Hammock

    HAHAHAHA LOL, come on Nick, don’t sugar coat it; tell us what you really think!

  • Awie_is_n_Pirate

    LOL Nick, it sounds like you should have roundhouse kicked it into the toilet, but only before you suplexed the snot out of it through a burning table, or unleashed the most electrifying move in sports entertainment, The De Bryune Ninja vice grip. :w00t:

  • AJ

    Hmmm… Good to know, but somehow from reading your review it seems like even a score of 4 is too high! If it is a ‘do not buy under any circumstances’ game then give it a 1! ..,

  • It still gets a few points for being stable and not just exploding when you put it into the console. Somewhere out there, someone will enjoy this game and that person can be happy that the game is at least half-decent on a technical level.

  • Roland Browning

    Hmmmm…typical Lazygamer PS3 review. Bet it would have got 8/10 if it was on Xbox :pinch:

  • Awie_is_n_Pirate

    :whistle: Conspiracy theorist!! It’s safe to assume that the xbox 360 version is just as piss poor. 😉

  • LOL…..”depends how hard you throw it”

  • Lazy you rated the game to high, for some stupid reason I actually bought it and TBH it was the worst 15minutes of gaming I had all year.

    I dont think I could even give this game away lol

  • You bought this game?

  • Puppystuffer

    I played it on 360 and while I didn’t think it was as bad as you say, it was no whaere near good, however I did find myself having some fun playing it co-op. Also it’s really not a bad game to play with your kids as the casual level auto aims and so forth. I think what the biggest problem here is, is that some one felt they could charge full price for what reallt is a XBLA/PSN game.

  • Awie_is_n_Pirate

    I don’t know guys, I wouldn’t admit to buying this game even if it came with free 1000 lolz-epeen points.

  • Flamebaitboy

    okay

  • Vdub

    Sounds like this game is almost as bad as the movie. Seriously worst movie since StreetFighter.

  • Legend of Chun-Li was possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. Seriously, and when it comes to movies I am usually very easily pleased. The old SF movie was the SHIT compared to the new one.

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