Home Comics & Toys Aquaman isn’t a joke

Aquaman isn’t a joke

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Aquaman (10)

I feel bad for Aquaman. One of the mightiest heroes around, reduced to a running gag about how he’s almost as useless as GI Joe’s Snowjob when he isn’t in his natural habitat. And that’s a travesty.

You want to know how much of a badass Aquaman is? Here’re a few quick pointers:

  • He’s king of the seas. ALL OF THEM. That’s two-thirds of the planet, amigo. Your United Nations go get bent.
  • He once lifted an entire city that had sunk into the water. A CITY.
  • His son was in danger, he was ambushed and left chained to a rock to watch him die. Aquaman’s solution? CUT HIS OWN FREAKIN’ HAND OFF.
  • Yeah, he talks to ocean life, like cute fish. You know what also counts as ocean life? Great white sharks, whales and gigantic kraken from the depths of the ocean floor.
  • Speaking of sharks, he actually unleashed a horde of them on invading Parademons from Apokolips, as a show of force.
  • Secret identity? That’s for chumps and chumpettes. The whole world knows who Aquaman is, and he doesn’t give a crap.
  • He’s a badass out of water. Save your silly jokes for Robot Chicken. Aquaman has kicked ass on dry land. ON OTHER PLANETS.
  • Did I mention that he fights Cthulu. Annually? And wins every year? Let’s see Superman do that.
  • He once threw a bear at criminals. An actual, pissed-off grizzly bear. For reals.

Anyway, the reason why I’m on an Aquaman bend right now, is because of this: The Aquaman Premium Format Figure from Sideshow Collectibles.

Gifted with extraordinary aquatic abilities, Arthur Curry rises from the depths wielding his mighty trident, a powerful enchanted weapon and symbol of sovereign authority.

It’s the king of the seas, in all his moist glory. And with an interchangeable beardy face and hook-hand, if the fancy strikes you. There’s no solid release date on this statue yet, but expect it to cost around $429.99 when it eventually releases.

Now, anybody here still think that Aquaman is a joke, and can do so without linking an embed to a Robot Chicken gag?

Last Updated: October 21, 2015

14 Comments

  1. T’was a polar bear, though. And it was more confused.

    Reply

    • The D

      October 22, 2015 at 07:05

      Until it landed 😀

      Reply

      • Sir GIF Sexy

        October 22, 2015 at 11:46

        T’was a true thing this. T’was a true thing.

        Reply

  2. Commander JJ of the Normandy

    October 22, 2015 at 06:50

    Aqua man is a bad ass

    Reply

  3. Grand Admiral Chief

    October 22, 2015 at 06:52

    #Tegato

    Reply

  4. HairyEwok

    October 22, 2015 at 08:19

    The only thing that’s a joke is my bank account at the moment

    Reply

    • Brady miaau

      October 22, 2015 at 08:20

      I hear you, I hear you

      Reply

  5. Hammersteyn

    October 22, 2015 at 08:37

    Aquaman sounds like someone selling bottled water. Should have called him Seaman-master or something 😛

    Reply

    • oVg

      October 22, 2015 at 11:22

      lol His original name was Seaman, they decided to change it for some reason 😉

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        October 22, 2015 at 11:38

        And his sidekick’s name was Swallow?

        Reply

        • oVg

          October 22, 2015 at 11:44

          It was actually Seamangirl 😛

          Reply

  6. schitsophrenic-toothbrush

    October 22, 2015 at 09:03

    The mere fact that Darryn has to convince us that Aquaman is a bad ass is a problem. It is like trying to convince people to eat Kale because its super healthy even though it tastes like crap. I prefer seaman and his sidekick swallow from South Park 😛

    Reply

  7. oVg

    October 22, 2015 at 11:21

    AQUAMAN was my favorite character in Gods Among Us. That trident kicked ass and dont forget the voice actor Phil Lammar.

    Reply

  8. 40 Insane Frogs

    October 26, 2015 at 17:51

    Screw you guys! Aquaman is awesome! I want this statue. I WANT IT!

    Reply

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