Top List Thursdays – Top ten highest body count killers

Sure, some films have massive body counts. But those are deaths from various good-looking actors as they move a plot forward with an axe to the face. But what about those killers in Hollywood who rack up double and triple-digit body counts? Where’s their article highlighting their gruesome records? Right here in fact, as we count down the top ten killers of cinematic history.

• The Bride – Kill Bill Vol 1

Hell hath no fury like a martial art expert trained in all manner of swordplay who was left for dead at the alter and her entire family slaughtered. Kill Bill had already billed itself as a gloriously violent romp before it was released, and Quentin Tarantino delivered on that promise, and then some. Most of those kills came down to the climatic scene between the Bride and an entire gang of sword-wielding Yakuza gangsters, the Crazy 88, as the Bride demonstrated several dozen ways to maim and slaughter with a samurai sword.

While there wasn’t exactly 88 sacks of meat to cut through (They thought that gang name sounded cool), but there was enough blood to fill an Olympic-size swimming pool, as well as garner some stylish censorship thanks to the film switching colour filters.

Body Count: 76

• Blade and Tequila – Blade II and Hard Boiled

Chow Yun Fat goes through mobsters like Blade star Wesley Snipes goes through patient directors and Patton Oswalt’s soft throat. Together, the two have formed a lethal tag-team draw that has resulted in them sharing a massive bodycount of dead gangsters and even deader super-vampires. Note to self: Organise a crossover film between the two characters as soon as possible.

Body Count: 77

• Ken – A Better Tomorrow II

Chow Yun Fat may just be the most bloodthirsty actor to ever exist. Going through henchmen at rate that technically qualifies as an extinction event, the hard-boiled star is a force of death-dealing destructive nature. And most likely the reason why ammo sales are up every single year, thanks to the amount of lead that he slings around in any movie.

Body Count: 78

•  John Matrix – Commando

The only thing more prevalent than broken spines, dead soldiers and various goons pushing up daisies in Commando? Arnie’s penchant for one-liners, which guarantee death upon delivery.

Body Count: 81

• John Rambo – Rambo IV

NOTHING IS OVER! YOU DON’T JUST TURN IT OFF! Having spent the majority of the fourth Rambo film not ripping throats out of Tatmadaw soldiers or disembowling their leaders, things quickly changed when John Rambo decides to even the odds by playing whack-a-grunt with a mounted machine gun, painting an entire mountain red with blood. Finally back in the saddle, Stallone proved that he was still the best at what he does. And what he does is make massive stacks of box office cash on a mountain of corpses.

Body Count: 87

• Tetsuo – Akira

TETSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Who needs guns, amirite? Especially when you’ve got out of control psychokinetic powers that can rip  laser satellites from the sky and reduce entire armies to cinders! Tetsuo proved that point and then some, with a range of powers in the cult classic Akira film that may have had the unintended consequence of turning him into Nick after a KFC binge.

Body Count: 96

• Topper Harley – Hot Shots! Part Deux

At one point in Hot Shots! Part Deux, the film jokingly refers to itself as the bloodiest movie ever made, as an on-screen counter racks up hundreds of kills within seconds thanks to Charlie Sheen’s Topper Harley going on a complete berserker rampage. The far more horrifying truth however, is that Topper has a ridiculous amount of on-screen kills, ranging from run-of-the-mill soldiers to that f***ing battery-sponsored rabbit. Not bad for a parody.

Body Count: 103

• John Preston – Equilibrium

Equilibrium wasted no time setting up Christian Bale’s emotionless killing machine John Preston as a slaughter factory on two legs. From the opening of the movie, Bale had a minimum of a dozen kills per action scene, eventually culminating in a stand-off between dozens of Clerics that saw gun-kata used to its maximum potential. Potential for kickass kills that is, as “death by gun-kata” is a fine thing to have chiseled onto your tombstone.

Body Count: 118

• Smith – Shoot ’em up

There were many, many things that annoyed the eagle-eyed Smith in Shoot ‘Em Up. And fortunately, he had a bullet for each irritation in his life.

Body Count: 141

• Ogami Itto – Lone Wolf and Cub: White Heaven in Hell

Never,e ver get between a samurai and his young ‘un. That’s a lesson learnt by countless ne’er-do-wells in the cult classic Lone Wolf and Cub movies from Japan. But it was a lesson that needed to be taught 150 times, as wandering Samurai Ogami Itto not only racked up one hell of a bodycount, but a deadly record that has stood firm for the last 41 years. Now that’s impressive.

Body Count: 150

Last Updated: February 26, 2015