Home Gaming 7 modern video game ideas that the Final Fantasy 7 Remake needs

7 modern video game ideas that the Final Fantasy 7 Remake needs

3 min read
51

It’s June 15. You’re watching the final press conference of the day, with Sony nailing just about every announcement. And then, you hear it. That unmistakeable melody. That signature look. Holy crap, could it be? Have I once again swallowed way too many pills again?

No, no I haven’t. It’s all real. It’s not a dream. Final Fantasy 7, is coming back. The audience was in tears, fans were screaming and Sony was grinning like a politician with a slapped wrist. A full-on remake is on the cards, with Final Fantasy 7 being reborn and joining the modern world of games.

But it’s going to need to be more than just the same old game, tarted up with high definition visuals and left to wander unattended if it’s going to succeed. Here at the Lazygamer Think Tank, we’ve come up with seven original ideas, on how Final Fantasy 7 can be a contemporary champion.

1.  Delay game into to Q1 2017. Then again into Q3 2017.

Square uses the slow spell. IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE

Games are hard to make on schedule anymore. But delays are better than a broken game, right? So you might have to wait an extra month, or maybe a year, before you get your hands on the title. Don’t worry, they promise it’ll be worth the wait.

2. Launch a broken game. Release day-one patch to fix it, causing new bugs. Pull retail release.

FF7

Promises mean nothing! Like every other modern game, it must launch with major glitches and issues. Never fear, the developers have a day-one patch to fix it that is “only” 30GB. Until it’s all better, the retail release is pulled from store shelves.

3. Game requires always online component. PSN crashes.

PSN

Single player games need the internet to use the almighty power of The Cloud (pun intended I suppose). Not that the PSN can handle it…

4. Include exclusive pre-order Summon DLC. Microtransactions to include extra Phoenix Downs and Elixirs.

Pre-order now for an exclusive Bahamut summon (only available at select retailers). Struggling to beat Sephiroth? Feel free to make use of our moogle delivery service to get extra items (for a nominal fee of course).

5. Save Aerith DLC

Aerith DLC

Fans will be expecting that iconic scene this time around, but it’s one that they don’t need to shed a single tear over anymore! A brand new DLC could make the flower lady playable right up the finale by the power of an almighty revive or Phoenix Down (otherwise known as a credit card in this example).

That or Square Enix could flesh out the story even more via additional content, providing a major plot twist that nobody saw coming… for another small fee.

6. Materia orb hunt and Sephiroth audio logs

Sephiroth

What’s a modern game without collectibles? Plus, it gives us the perfect opportunity to hear Sephiroth scream “MOOOOOTHER!”. Be sure to sync your map often from waypoints so that all the hidden items appear on your mini-map.

7. All new asymmetrical multiplayer

Final-Fantasy-VII

Play with or against your friends with this all new mode. Team up against enemies from Shinra, or take on the role of Jenova to obliterate your pals. Guaranteed to ruin friendships and working relationships.

8. Bugger everything above, turf the game and remake Final Fantasy 8 instead

FinalFantasy8

Seriously, Final Fantasy 7 can die in a fire. It’s overrated, you’re viewing this through a rose-tinted nostalgia welding helmet and Final Fantasy 8 is far superior in every single way that can’t be compared to Final Fantasy 6 or 9. According to me, I’m 3 000 000 000% right on this.

Last Updated: July 8, 2015

51 Comments

  1. Alien Emperor Trevor

    July 8, 2015 at 15:04

    Wow. If FF8 is better than 7, 7 must be kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak.

    Also, make it a timed-exclusive on the Xbone.

    Reply

    • DarthDiggler

      July 8, 2015 at 22:07

      @disqus_DoEH3TsffU:disqus

      No DreamCast. 🙂

      Reply

      • Aaron Lucas

        July 9, 2015 at 22:02

        *Turbo Grafx 16

        Reply

  2. kuuu(UMAR)rrrr

    July 8, 2015 at 15:07

    I despise every single staff member of Lazygamer for concocting such a ludicrous article. You should ALL GET IN THE SEA!

    Reply

    • Alien Emperor Trevor

      July 8, 2015 at 15:10

      Because everything’s better down where it’s wetter? O_o

      Reply

      • kuuu(UMAR)rrrr

        July 8, 2015 at 15:21

        I’m only replying now because I didn’t understand your comment until you fixed it 😛

        Reply

        • Alien Emperor Trevor

          July 8, 2015 at 15:24

          That explains most of my human interaction. :/

          Reply

          • kuuu(UMAR)rrrr

            July 8, 2015 at 15:33

            Awww *hugs*

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            July 8, 2015 at 15:56

            EEK! Human contact!

          • Hammersteyn

            July 8, 2015 at 17:55

            He’s not 100% human though

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            July 8, 2015 at 18:38

            He’s the Million Dollar Umar – stonger, faster, tentaclier.

    • Hammersteyn

      July 8, 2015 at 15:10

      I “sea” what you did there.

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief's Adventure

        July 8, 2015 at 15:12

        Arrrrr

        Reply

        • Dean

          July 8, 2015 at 16:42

          Water you on about??

          Reply

    • Dutch Matrix

      July 8, 2015 at 15:51

      Why you ignore me on Twitter? I thoughts we were friendz… You make Dutch a saddy…

      Reply

      • kuuu(UMAR)rrrr

        July 8, 2015 at 18:28

        Awww, sorry. Trying to lessen my Twitter usage for a lil bit…too much kak on there 🙁

        Reply

  3. Hammersteyn

    July 8, 2015 at 15:12

  4. Admiral Chief's Adventure

    July 8, 2015 at 15:12

    Hahahaha dat BadnewsBonthuys pic!

    Reply

  5. Admiral Chief's Adventure

    July 8, 2015 at 15:15

    Wonder what Llew has to say about this?

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      July 8, 2015 at 15:22

      XD

      Reply

  6. Kromas,powered by windows 10.

    July 8, 2015 at 15:31

    Make it an MMO!!!

    Reply

    • Geoffrey Tim

      July 8, 2015 at 15:37

      needs moar fetch quests.

      Reply

    • Nikola

      July 9, 2015 at 09:43

      Yesss that would make it 10/10 without a doubt:)

      Reply

  7. Ottokie

    July 8, 2015 at 15:32

    • Hammersteyn

      July 8, 2015 at 15:32

      hahaha

      Reply

    • kuuu(UMAR)rrrr

      July 8, 2015 at 15:33

      Hahaha Save Aerith DLC……..URRRGH

      Reply

      • Ottokie

        July 8, 2015 at 15:33

        I cringed so hard

        Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        July 8, 2015 at 17:55

        Aerith dies instead of survives DLC. Sold out day one

        Reply

  8. Ottokie

    July 8, 2015 at 15:42

    “It’s overrated, you’re viewing this through a rose-tinted nostalgia welding helmet”

    Challenge Accepted! (F5)

    Reply

  9. Dutch Matrix

    July 8, 2015 at 15:49

    Whatever happened to the Boyband Final Fantasy game that had Umar all orgasmic for months on end?

    Reply

  10. Michael Matusowsky

    July 8, 2015 at 16:19

    This was the worst shit post I have ever read. What the fuck. I thought it was going to be a legit list not a fucking click bait article with bullshit. No seriously fuck whoever made the decision to green light this article. It’s fucking trash and I’m angry because I expect better quality shit posts than this drivel. Christ.

    Reply

  11. Nathaniel

    July 8, 2015 at 16:52

    Final Fantasy 7 is going to be awesome no matter what you say. A lot of us have been waiting for this for a while now so they better deliver.

    Reply

    • Swiss Superman 2.0

      July 9, 2015 at 15:24

      DLC extravaganza!!!

      Reply

  12. DiegoZicoB

    July 8, 2015 at 19:45

    I was expecting a legit article. This is playground level humour. Must have really needed an extra article to fill today’s quota?

    Reply

    • Womble619

      July 8, 2015 at 20:17

      Yeah… it was clear the writer was trying to be funny and well… it failed

      Reply

  13. Vulcha

    July 8, 2015 at 22:51

    I don’t know why everyone is hating on this article. Why can’t you guys have a little fun now and then? I found it funny. I reckon the fanboys just take their nostalgia way too seriously.

    Reply

  14. Damien Davis

    July 8, 2015 at 23:16

    Author, you have got to be one of the most spiteful idiots on the internet.

    Stop wasting people’s time with a subject header that has nothing to do with the shit you’re writing. Fucking asshole.

    Reply

  15. Swiss Superman 2.0

    July 9, 2015 at 01:58

    I like both FF8 and FF7 equally.

    What I hate is this new “lets fu*k with the battle system and eventually turn it into a 3rd person shooter” game mentality Square has seemed to take recently with XIII up until XV. I tried Lighting Returns. I really tried to get into it but couldn’t. I HATE the battle system and how they have to emo up all the male characters. My last FF game I’ve bought that I’ve enjoyed has been FF12.

    What I’m afraid is not them altering the story, in fact, I’d like for them to stream line it with the other releases (the movie and 2 other games) I just don’t want them f*cking with the battle system and I will flat out refuse to buy the FF7 remake if the game has a sh*t ton of DLC bullsh*t.

    Reply

    • Nikola

      July 9, 2015 at 09:45

      I agree 100% I just want my freaking turn based battle system like in 8 and 7 this new rubish just doesnt do the game justice why change something that was soo good!

      Reply

  16. Mabenito

    July 9, 2015 at 08:15

    My first FF/RGP experience was FF8 on PSone. Last Disc has scratch and it took me forever to finish. But I was rewarded with LionHeart sword for my patience (without using a walkthrough). PS was still a myth in my community back then.

    Reply

    • Nikola

      July 9, 2015 at 09:45

      Same dude FF8 on PSone put sooo many hours into that game:)

      Reply

    • Kensei Seraph - Terran Ghost

      July 9, 2015 at 09:47

      My first was FFVI on a SNES emulator.

      Reply

  17. Nikola

    July 9, 2015 at 09:43

    hahahahahahahaha best article I read in a looong time LOL!

    Reply

  18. Kensei Seraph - Terran Ghost

    July 9, 2015 at 09:46

    • Ottokie

      July 9, 2015 at 09:56

      Best couple of the whole franchise, even thought they laugh better in Japanese 😛

      Reply

  19. Aaron Lucas

    July 9, 2015 at 22:03

    At first I wanted to tell the author to F off, but then I realized the intent. Good one, you had me going!

    Reply

  20. Lucht S

    July 9, 2015 at 23:16

    Sadly this article is more useful than all the others ones that try to suggest changes to the game.

    Reply

  21. Hops

    July 10, 2015 at 16:44

    didn’t really like ff8…

    Reply

  22. Joey Copenhaver

    July 10, 2015 at 23:20

    You’re a fucking imbecile. This may be an attempt at satire, but this article is a complete joke in and of itself.

    Reply

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