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Check out Lazygamer’s Gamescom HQ

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GC HQ gay sex messe

We have all safely arrived in Cologne, Germany. Despite each taking a different route into the city thanks to Gavin’s impressive travel booking skills, we were reunited and happily set forth in our journey to cover Gamescom. Here is everything you need to know about our set-up

For this trip, rather than stay in a fancy hotel, Gavin chose to book us a “posh” apartment. It isn’t too close to the venue, although the joy of Germany cities is that as long as you’re sort of in the right area you can get around on foot or tram relatively easily. So, without any further ado, let me reveal our glorious basement apartment that is pure and clean and totally devoid of any air conditioning or fan.

Nice, don’t you think? As I keep reminding Geoff, at least it’s clean. And I’ve seen way worse when I was a student in Europe. That said, the booking place claims it can sleep six people – we are assuming they are referring to six very close friends. Yesterday was rather exhausting what with travel and grocery shopping and sorting out getting where we needed to be at specific times. Today is press conference day, where Matty and I will attempt to gate crash the Microsoft conference and otherwise just wander around the city until Geoff finds us and forces us to work again. Considering yesterday wasn’t even a conference day, I’m officially opening up the floor for you guys to bet on how many steps we will take tomorrow and the next day:

The rather cool Xperia Smart Band will be part of my reporting of the events – I honestly want to share with you guys how much I sleep and walk and work. However, considering Geoff’s insomnia, he might be more interesting to stalk. Do you guys want me to keep wearing the Smart Band, or should I place it on Geoff or Matthew tomorrow?

Last Updated: August 12, 2014

89 Comments

  1. Admiral Chief Beta Tester

    August 12, 2014 at 12:06

    Put it on Geoff’s nuttsack, so we can track the number of teabagging incidents

    Reply

    • Ragnar The Vengeful

      August 12, 2014 at 12:12

      Wow…… just wow.

      Reply

    • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

      August 12, 2014 at 12:26

      0_o

      Reply

    • HvR - Still dislikes Random.or

      August 12, 2014 at 12:38

      Stop being so gross man, the intern’s forehead will do.

      Reply

  2. Jac7

    August 12, 2014 at 12:09

    For a moment there I thought your were planning your route to the venue. Which means sleeping to the venue gets you there almost as fast as walking there. Which either means you walk really slow or you sleep really fast. Either way, I actually don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

    Reply

  3. Hammersteyn

    August 12, 2014 at 12:11

    I think I saw Anne Frank

    Reply

  4. Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

    August 12, 2014 at 12:13

    A sink and stove combined????

    It’s A STINK!!!!!

    Reply

    • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

      August 12, 2014 at 12:13

      Wait… It’s a fridge too?????

      It’s a STINKIDGE!!!!!

      Reply

      • Viking Of Science

        August 12, 2014 at 12:15

        it’s a Dinklage Judging by the size…

        Reply

        • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

          August 12, 2014 at 12:16

          lol

          Reply

  5. UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy

    August 12, 2014 at 12:14

    • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

      August 12, 2014 at 12:16

      Duuuuuuude. Perfect.

      Reply

    • Rinceable

      August 12, 2014 at 12:34

      YES!

      Reply

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      August 12, 2014 at 23:06

      perfect! yes, all the yes.

      Reply

  6. Morne Nell

    August 12, 2014 at 12:16

    Are you complaining or bragging, most of us would sleep in the street under a newspaper just to be there.

    Reply

  7. Umar

    August 12, 2014 at 12:17

    Remember that movie Hostel where 3 friends travel to a foreign land and then…Hmmm, can’t remember the rest 😛

    Reply

    • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

      August 12, 2014 at 12:18

      Yeah, that window seems like it was planned to be used for easy access. I wouldn’t go to sleep hey

      Reply

      • Umar

        August 12, 2014 at 12:19

        Right? I was almost certain I saw a camera on the bathroom ceiling…

        Reply

        • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

          August 12, 2014 at 12:21

          Dun dun duuuuuuuuuun

          Reply

  8. The D

    August 12, 2014 at 12:17

    LUXURY!

    Reply

    • Viking Of Science

      August 12, 2014 at 12:18

      I can totally see now how they couldn’t afford to take you along, that place is mad swanky.

      Reply

  9. Hammersteyn

    August 12, 2014 at 12:18

    • Alien Emperor Trevor

      August 12, 2014 at 12:30

      How? I can see both hands. Wait, actually I don’t want to know.

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        August 12, 2014 at 12:31

        I bought napkins though.

        Reply

      • Admiral Chief Beta Tester

        August 12, 2014 at 12:32

        THAT’S AMAZING HAI!

        Reply

  10. Rinceable

    August 12, 2014 at 12:18

    Gavin, Troll level EXPERT.

    Reply

    • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

      August 12, 2014 at 12:19

      Lol

      Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      August 12, 2014 at 12:19

      Longest fake smile Zoe ever had to do 😛

      Reply

      • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

        August 12, 2014 at 12:20

        There’s a joke about stamina in there

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          August 12, 2014 at 12:20

          Time to fetch the pedometer

          Reply

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            August 12, 2014 at 12:20

            HAI

      • Rinceable

        August 12, 2014 at 12:20

        I honestly thought her face was about to peel off..l Mat is probably hoping Geoff will suffocate him when teabagging so he doesn’t have to wake to that place 0-O

        Reply

        • Alien Emperor Trevor

          August 12, 2014 at 12:29

          Suffocate him during teabagging? I think you overestimate his… power.

          Reply

    • Gavin Mannion

      August 12, 2014 at 12:29

      That place cost a fortune…. and all I get is ridicule…
      It’s the YMCA next year

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        August 12, 2014 at 12:30

        Don’t they have a Formula One?

        Reply

        • HvR - Still dislikes Random.or

          August 12, 2014 at 12:44

          Well the Formula One’s rooms are bigger, but then again it comes with a complimentary pile of human excrement in the elevator.

          Reply

          • Hammersteyn

            August 12, 2014 at 12:46

            HAhaha

      • Admiral Chief Beta Tester

        August 12, 2014 at 12:32

        Define:Fortune?

        Reply

        • Gavin Mannion

          August 12, 2014 at 12:34

          Over R15k…. for 6 days

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief Beta Tester

            August 12, 2014 at 12:36

            Maseharedisbaiegeld!

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            August 12, 2014 at 12:40

            what he said ^

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            August 12, 2014 at 12:37

            Waaaaaaaaat? Dis kak baie geld. Goie bliksem 0_o

          • Rinceable

            August 12, 2014 at 12:37

            Frigging exchange rates. Wouldn’t it have been cheaper to just buy them a kilo of cocaine and have them work 6 days with no sleep?

      • Rinceable

        August 12, 2014 at 12:37

        Well to be honest I expected them to have no roof…

        Reply

      • Rinceable

        August 12, 2014 at 12:40

        With Geoff’s tbagging a nightly event, how is this different to the YMCA? 0_O

        Reply

  11. Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

    August 12, 2014 at 12:19

    Hey guys

    When Gavin said POSH I bet you didn’t realise he meant “Piece of shit hotel”

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief Beta Tester

      August 12, 2014 at 12:22

      Teh lolz!

      Reply

    • ZubSaber a.k.a Hans

      August 12, 2014 at 12:23

      Too good!

      Reply

  12. Hammersteyn

    August 12, 2014 at 12:20

    I bet Goeff stares at Matty through the grate at night.

    Reply

  13. Rinceable

    August 12, 2014 at 12:21

    Let’s not think Fire hazard…

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      August 12, 2014 at 12:21

      What, with that oven?

      Reply

      • Rinceable

        August 12, 2014 at 12:22

        No, I can imagine them turning to the use of a firelighter as it probably has more umph in it…

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          August 12, 2014 at 12:23

          hahaha

          Reply

  14. Rinceable

    August 12, 2014 at 12:21

    Put that thing on Geoff! I want to see what you all mean by insomniac as I am pretty damn sure he has bugger all on me in that area.

    Reply

  15. Umar

    August 12, 2014 at 12:23

    • Admiral Chief Beta Tester

      August 12, 2014 at 12:23

      Not enough tapping!

      Reply

  16. Jac7

    August 12, 2014 at 12:23

    Swastika fail much?

    Reply

    • Mossel

      August 12, 2014 at 13:10

      I also noticed that! lol

      Reply

  17. Rinceable

    August 12, 2014 at 12:24

    Right, so you covered 13,676 on a non-conference day. I’d imagine Geoff would cover around 12,000 on a conference day? What say you all?

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief Beta Tester

      August 12, 2014 at 12:24

      26432

      Reply

    • Rinceable

      August 12, 2014 at 12:25

      PS: I question the validity of that, 13,000 steps in 2 hours? Fuck where you doing, spinning?

      Reply

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        August 12, 2014 at 12:31

        Grocery shopping.

        Reply

      • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

        August 12, 2014 at 12:34

        Right. “steps”

        Reply

        • Admiral Chief Beta Tester

          August 12, 2014 at 12:34

          TEABAGGING INCIDENTS!

          Reply

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            August 12, 2014 at 12:34

            lol

          • HvR - Still dislikes Random.or

            August 12, 2014 at 12:49

            One bulk order coming up:

          • Sir Rants A Lot: On Pandora

            August 12, 2014 at 13:01

            GG

          • Admiral Chief Beta Tester

            August 12, 2014 at 14:31

            This needs MOAR upvotes!

  18. VampyreSquirrel

    August 12, 2014 at 12:24

    LMAO! That’s pretty tiny… but you won’t be spending THAT much time in there though.

    Reply

    • Mossel

      August 12, 2014 at 13:09

      That’s what she said.

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief Beta Tester

        August 12, 2014 at 13:10

        The tiny or time spending thing?

        😛

        Reply

        • Mossel

          August 12, 2014 at 13:18

          Both 😉

          Reply

    • Rags

      August 12, 2014 at 13:10

      Yes. Drink all the beer. See all the things.

      Reply

  19. Jonah Cash

    August 12, 2014 at 12:33

    That fluffy light fixture!!! Wow…. Just WOW!!!

    Reply

  20. Admiral Chief Beta Tester

    August 12, 2014 at 12:37

    That video gives me claustrophobia!

    Reply

  21. Alien Emperor Trevor

    August 12, 2014 at 12:40

    Oh Zoe, the guys making that Woolfe kickstarter you mentioned last week have a booth at Gamescom.

    Reply

  22. WhiteRock

    August 12, 2014 at 13:02

  23. Rags

    August 12, 2014 at 13:08

    Sit haar in ‘n trollie sodat sy ophou moan. 😛

    Reply

  24. Pieter Smal

    August 12, 2014 at 16:08

    Living in Finland I realise how great it is to have space and freedom in SA. Looking forward to coming back 🙂

    Reply

    • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

      August 13, 2014 at 01:26

      Where in Finland are you? Helsinki? I once made my way from Helsinki all the way to Oulu. It was awesome.

      Reply

      • Pieter Smal

        August 13, 2014 at 06:09

        I am in Jyväaskylä. I need to go to Helsinki a few times – where might I find good accommodation?

        Reply

  25. naxie

    August 12, 2014 at 18:46

    i almost spit my coffee all over my laptop when you said,”And here’s our large screen TV” and pointed to that little, teeny old thing….great tour, zoe….and the outside gate that your apartment lacks, along with the grating from the basement to your cell..um, room…in the sub-basement, makes me wonder if the a-partment is designed for folks who have just gotten out of prison and have gotten used to confined spaces!!

    well, at least you have bacon…..

    Reply

  26. Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim

    August 12, 2014 at 23:06

    Update! the coffee machine doesn’t fucking work.

    Reply

    • Brian Murphy

      August 13, 2014 at 07:27

      Check below, not sure if you guys saw this overnight

      Reply

  27. Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

    August 13, 2014 at 01:19

    lol, you guys are living it up in Germany :P. Reminds me of a similar place I rented during a conference in Bremen a while back. It was a single room (BUT without a shower or a bathroom). You see the shower and bathroom was communal (and all the way down the hall). I think I paid 400 – 600 Euros for the week. :/ But, at least it was in the centre of town and close to the tram and train stations.

    Reply

  28. Brian Murphy

    August 13, 2014 at 01:45

    So has LG heard that the P.T. demo that’s on PSN is actually a teaser for the new Silent Hill, and is being developed by Guillermo Del Toro and Hideo Kojima, with Norman Reedus (Walking Dead, Boondock Saints) as the main character? Who saw THAT coming?

    http://a.pomf.se/hexdeq.gif

    Reply

  29. Brian Murphy

    August 13, 2014 at 02:57

    Major Spoilers, however here’s the full P.T. demo….pretty creepy:

    Reply

  30. Graeme Selvan

    August 18, 2014 at 14:06

    This is a major step up from the LA hotel you were put in. Great job Gavin 🙂

    Reply

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