Video games are not real life. That doesn’t really need to be said, except perhaps to those who’re unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality, but I digress. Sometimes, there are things in video games, or systems in video games that you just wish would work the same way in the real world.
I know, growing up, that really wished that I had built-in F5 and F7 keys. As many of you would recall, in the old days, those would typically be the used for saving and restoring – and a great big, silly part of my brain really, really wished I could save, try something stupid/brave/reckless/destructive (etc!), see the outcome, and restore if things went south.
I’ve also really liked the idea of being able to heal behind cover. No matter how grievous your injury, ducking behind a couch would magically heal your wounds better than time. Of course, there’s also respawning – and it would be interesting living in a world where death wasn’t quite as permanent.
It’d also be nice sometimes, when faced with a life-changing choice or decision, to have four easily digestible ones laid out for you, instead of the infinite possibilities and probabilities we have now. Life as a mundane Telltale game? Sounds okay to me.
Being able to build the most glorious structures and building using crap you picked up off the street?
One thing I’d love to be able to do? Utilise a Mario Kart ™ Blue Shell in traffic, especially if it goes right for the bastard who just cut me off.
What video game systems, items or mechanics do you wish worked the same way in real life?
Header Source: AledLewis.com (where you can buy a snazzy print, plus more)
Last Updated: January 29, 2016
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 10:33
Infinite money glitches
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:36
Quick save
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:36
“What is a Flamebait Friday Debate, you ask? Well, it’s an opportunity for our readers to debate a topic. Usually inspired by ongoing discussions in gaming, or major upheavals, or fights we have in our office chat, this article is for you, the readers. Here, we encourage open discussion about the topic at hand. For those who might not be aware, this article is not meant to be a highly researched and fact-checked affair – this is just about inciting debate in our community and getting everyone talking about an interesting or inflammatory discussion point.”
Oh you!
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:36
Force Powers
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:37
Alt F4
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 10:38
That’s quite dark
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:38
If you press is yes 😛
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:39
*it
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:40
http://i.imgur.com/7nPIzZg.jpg
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:42
http://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/anNbpOn_460sa.gif
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
Seems legit
VampyreSquirrel
January 29, 2016 at 11:40
Dude! What’s your Uplay username so I can add you?
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:43
Messaged you on ye olden cellphone 🙂
VampyreSquirrel
January 29, 2016 at 11:46
Thanking thee squire, request hath been delivered to TheePlay
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:48
We are the knights who say NI !
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 11:59
I need both your numbers, you know, FOR SCIENCE
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 12:04
Shall give it to you on steams 🙂
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 12:08
Huehuehue
VampyreSquirrel
January 29, 2016 at 12:05
Check Steam chat
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 12:05
Ditto
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 12:08
Done and done
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 10:37
Skill points. I’d max out intelligence and charisma, and put like 2 or 3 points in strength and stamina. Unless I find a bobblehead somewhere.
Alien Emperor Trevor
January 29, 2016 at 10:38
Space travel! Have space ship, will explore.
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:40
Agreed
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 10:47
Pretty much any tech from Mass Effect.
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:48
Aye
PoisonedBelial
January 29, 2016 at 10:38
Half-Life crowbar.
I would love to beat the shit out some people with it and not be held responsible…
Either that, or have Leisure Suit Larry’s confidence. 😛
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:39
The best would be to level up.
Spend 10 hours this month cutting the lawn?
+1 STR
+1 END
Avoided the annoying meeting at work?
+1 AGI
+1 Stealth
Saw your mrs cut her hair or changed something in house?
+1 PER
BakedBagel
January 29, 2016 at 10:41
MODs.
oh wait we have those. Drugs
Greylingad[CNFRMD]
January 29, 2016 at 11:34
They’re too glitchy….
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:41
Pip boy
AfricanTime
January 29, 2016 at 10:42
Cheat Codes, and eating hot dogs to heal shot and knife wounds…
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:42
Like Skyrim, “Oh I’m hurt in battle, let me just eat a thousand pumpkins”
BakedBagel
January 29, 2016 at 10:43
Imagine all the sweetrolls
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:43
Why are you carrying around a thousand pumpkins
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:43
To make faces and pretend they are team mates because of no CO OP feature 😛
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
Lol, WILSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON
Alien Emperor Trevor
January 29, 2016 at 10:43
Because I can.
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:42
GRAVITY GUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audacity (or-das-it-eeee-eee)
January 29, 2016 at 10:42
PORTAL GUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:42
Already said it hehe
Audacity (or-das-it-eeee-eee)
January 29, 2016 at 10:43
Seconds I tell you, seconds!
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:43
LOL
Great minds dude, imagine, NO TRAFFIC
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:42
PORTAL GUN!!!!!!!!
NO
MORE
TRAFFIC
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:42
buddha mode
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:42
Watch dogs cell phone
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
OOOOOH, nice
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:43
Just Cause grappling hook
Audacity (or-das-it-eeee-eee)
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
Just Cause everything xD
BakedBagel
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
Steyn you would legit kill yourself.
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
Would have fun doing it.
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
Markets that actually make you rich
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
LOL
BakedBagel
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
THIS.
Loftus
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
Jumping. i would like to constantly jump (and not tire) while running somewhere and nobody things that is bat sh!t crazy.
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:44
Fast Travel, bye bye traffic
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:45
^This
BakedBagel
January 29, 2016 at 10:45
^That
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 10:45
haha, real explorers dont
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 10:45
Poor explorers do
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 10:46
lol
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:45
You explore, then you fast travel
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:45
Always skip time from 8am to 5pm
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:46
So, you DON’T like commenting here?
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:47
Hey, that was a cheap nut shot xD
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:47
KOPSKOOT
Loftus
January 29, 2016 at 10:57
As jy nou taal korrek wil wees en watokal sal dit HOOFSKOOT wees, want wat jy gese het klink soos ‘n LBW in krieket sonder beskerming. 😛
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 11:01
Nee.
Kopskoot, nie hoofskoop nie, sedert hy gepraat het van “nut shot” (neutskoot)
Loftus
January 29, 2016 at 11:04
So dis ‘n kopskoot en nie ‘n neutskoot nie…ottokie moet dan driepoot genoem word. hahaha
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:46
Fallout 4 generator, screw Eskom
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:46
Batmobile
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:47
Read that as bat-mobile, as in bat-phone
[Guess who talked a lot with overseas colleagues this week]
VampyreSquirrel
January 29, 2016 at 10:47
Cheat Codes
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 10:47
Magic would be nice
HairyEwok
January 29, 2016 at 10:47
I wish Rosebud 9999999 or Motherlode worked in real life…
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 10:48
Guess only the super rich know the real code then
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:47
Liverpool’s Football team from FIFA. What? They lose there too…. Oh well
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:48
…shots fired
BakedBagel
January 29, 2016 at 10:48
Lowblow dude.
AfricanTime
January 29, 2016 at 10:51
England wins the world cup, Beckham switches off play station.
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:52
hahaha
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:52
xD
Rekt !
Geoffrey Tim
January 29, 2016 at 10:47
Some of these comments are making me proper laugh out loud.
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:48
Which are your fav?
TELL US GEOFFMAN!
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 10:48
Grace us with your approval! We wait anxiously!
BakedBagel
January 29, 2016 at 10:48
EA being on the side of the consumer does the same thing.
:^)
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:47
Walk through walls
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:48
idkfa
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:48
xD
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:49
iddqd
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 10:49
The ability to do 360 no-scopes like an MLG so I can rek N00B$
BakedBagel
January 29, 2016 at 10:51
Buy useless cosmetics with real money.
._. wait.
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:51
lol
Commander Bob
January 29, 2016 at 10:51
Fast travel, bullet time and respawning.
EDIT: Respawning from unnatural causes. I’m happy to go at the end of a long life, just not due to some idiot who thinks he can race a car.
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:53
Heh, enjoying XCOM?
Commander Bob
January 29, 2016 at 10:54
Always, trying to get those last few steam achievements before the big 2 arrives.
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:55
LOL, I know the feeling, but I’m staying away from turn based until next week. Wanna be fresh for it!
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 10:52
GTA cops
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:53
^this
TiMsTeR1033
January 29, 2016 at 10:57
Depends which gta cops..
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:57
One star cops
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 10:57
I would go for V, though I suspect Merica already has them
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:58
No, the ones in Merica doesn’t shoot everybody
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 10:58
but they do shoot for no reason
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:59
true
Johann
January 29, 2016 at 11:04
As in if you murder someone they will only chase you for a few blocks and then forget about it?
Mossel
January 29, 2016 at 11:05
haha I think that is the current state of affairs in SA already.
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 11:07
Cant believe I forgot about that
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 10:55
A proper character builder so I can decide how I look, instead of going with the luck of the draw and genetics. sigh
HairyEwok
January 29, 2016 at 11:23
With the new creation kit we give at birth, everybody can be a winner in the genetics lottery!
TiMsTeR1033
January 29, 2016 at 10:56
A rewind feature like in forza would be nice avoid those idiots on the road.
VampyreSquirrel
January 29, 2016 at 11:30
TIM!!!!!!
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 10:57
I need a BattleMech for commuting
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 10:57
*Heavy gear
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 11:00
I thought about that, decided on the Mech, IT NEEDS TO TOWER ABOVE ALL
The Gear would be nice, a more personal touch, but yeah
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 10:58
up up down down b a select start
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:00
Light Sabers
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 11:02
Quick way to cut the population in half you say
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 11:02
Was just about to mention that, some darwin awards there too!
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:02
Unboxing videos would be much more entertaining
Mossel
January 29, 2016 at 11:00
Being able to reload a gun without losing the 8 bullets still in the magazine.
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 11:00
xD
Johann
January 29, 2016 at 11:01
Save and Load would be on the top of my list… Second best option would be built in cheat codes for extra lives and money
Commander Bob
January 29, 2016 at 11:01
Skill respecing – don’t like your job, reset skills and reallocate to another profession.
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 11:02
This we need
Commander Bob
January 29, 2016 at 11:02
A light meter when you sneak – so you can be a ninja and know when you’re pulling it off 😛
Mark Treloar
January 29, 2016 at 11:02
Quicktime events
Jan Prins
January 29, 2016 at 11:17
AKA Rince’s sex life.
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:03
Medi kits. For when you stub your toe or when you flip your car.
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 11:03
Repair tool from BF4
Mossel
January 29, 2016 at 11:04
Being able to heal any wound with a cigar and some bandages.
Greylingad[CNFRMD]
January 29, 2016 at 11:05
You can…badly…
Mossel
January 29, 2016 at 11:06
Let me just heal my broken arm with a cigar… xD
Greylingad[CNFRMD]
January 29, 2016 at 11:12
Or bandage my head back by sealing the wound on my neck with a blowtorch, oh shit, my hairs on fire…
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 11:05
Have Geralt slay the monsters in this world
Loftus
January 29, 2016 at 11:06
Then shag everything along the way.
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 11:06
Yep
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 11:06
*plough
Loftus
January 29, 2016 at 11:09
That sounded way to agricultural… like the wife is gonna call you to bring the “piksteel”
Jan Prins
January 29, 2016 at 11:05
Too much!
1. Like in The Sims… Spend 5 minutes with any woman, shag her in the closet.
2. Uhhhh…
Johann
January 29, 2016 at 11:07
The ability to remove a step from the swimming pool and no one knows how to get out…
Jan Prins
January 29, 2016 at 11:09
*Heads of to Nkandla
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 11:30
HAHAHA
Jan Prins
January 29, 2016 at 11:06
Run over 75 pedestrians. Avoid wanted level by getting car sprayed.
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:07
In this country a respray wont even be needed
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:06
Blow on it, to make it work
Aries
January 29, 2016 at 11:08
Thats already real I think
Loftus
January 29, 2016 at 11:07
I’d be batman…console, not pc or else my world be glitched as my spelling.
Mossel
January 29, 2016 at 11:07
Distract security guards with a packet of cigarettes.
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:07
Run a country into the ground without any consequences…… oh wait
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 11:11
Can we have two featured comments? XD
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:11
XD
MacDoodle
January 29, 2016 at 11:10
Driving my car at 200Km/h into a wall or another car and no damage not even a scratch, also driving away from said crash without needing hospitalisation.
Loftus
January 29, 2016 at 11:11
Mother-in-law is that you ?
MacDoodle
January 29, 2016 at 11:41
Lol as if mothers in laws weren’t scary enough already
Mark Treloar
January 29, 2016 at 11:10
Railguns
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:11
Being able to set Trevor on fire and get away with it 0_O
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:11
Fast food that restores health instead of making you fat
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:11
I think Pora needs this.
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:11
Easy, multiple choice options to woe any woman.
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:11
I have one. Tequila
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:12
BWAHAHAH
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:13
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/ed/eddd639ecae8a1466b5cb7ca38e47f20f48d3bb2b47439be5fba6919b90c3429.jpg
Loftus
January 29, 2016 at 11:13
easy mode :
Geoffrey Tim
January 29, 2016 at 11:30
Rape jokes: Never funny.
Mossel
January 29, 2016 at 11:32
But I thought 9/10 people enjoy gang rape?
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:39
Depending on the persons mom it might be 10/10
Raptor Rants
January 29, 2016 at 12:17
Dude no. Just. No dude. That’s wrong
Mossel
January 29, 2016 at 12:27
I have a very dark sense of humor…
Raptor Rants
January 29, 2016 at 12:51
Dark humor is ok. But rape jokes? I don’t know.
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 12:15
He could have used it on himself and passed out in a park?
konfab
January 29, 2016 at 16:16
Never funny:
Rape
Ignored:
Setting people on fire
Cutting people in half
Ripping people’s heads off
Crashing cars
Running people over
Murder
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:16
Can’t you just use the sims tactic. Talk and flirt a few times and be married by midnight?
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:19
Who wants to be married by midnight 0_O
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:22
*raises hand
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:22
0_O Shame bro
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:22
xD
Geoffrey Tim
January 29, 2016 at 11:26
I’ve met you, and you’ll certainly “woe” any woman. 🙂
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:34
STFU 😛
Greylingad[CNFRMD]
January 29, 2016 at 11:37
“Woe” or “WAO!?”
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:38
XD XD XD
The Grand Admiral Chief Prime
January 29, 2016 at 11:58
xD
Alien Emperor Trevor
January 29, 2016 at 12:06
Whoa!
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:11
A unicorn.
Milesh Bhana
January 29, 2016 at 11:12
“Hot Coffee”
Hammersteyn
January 29, 2016 at 11:13
hehe
Mossel
January 29, 2016 at 11:12
Turn up the graphics to 4k! (I have bad eyesight)
Greylingad[CNFRMD]
January 29, 2016 at 11:39
My UHD upgrade is on it’s way, after 6 years, finally getting a new set of glasses…
Mossel
January 29, 2016 at 11:41
Nice! I am in dire need of new glasses as well.
Greylingad[CNFRMD]
January 29, 2016 at 11:42
Do it man!! You won’t be sorry, I was shocked to see how bad my eyes actually were and how much the new lenses will help, definitely worth it!
Mark Treloar
January 29, 2016 at 11:13
Turn-based Combat
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 11:14
Background music that warns you about danger, like in Skyrim.
miaau
January 29, 2016 at 12:46
sot of like during a conversation with significant other, type of thing.
Greylingad[CNFRMD]
January 29, 2016 at 15:23
Nope, there you need a visual queue, like mist settling in and everything going dark when you forgot to take out the trash, that or birds chirping in the background and the place lighting up like the sun suddenly pulled up in your backyard…
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:14
Doing mundane shit like making daggers and you want to do it 0_O
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 11:15
100 daggers made => Master blacksmith
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:18
Can you imagine if you job could actually be like that?! ‘Put in 5 years’ now master Comms with money!
Mistake Not...
January 29, 2016 at 11:19
I think university is supposed to do that. Make you a master, but I don’t think it works XD
Mark Treloar
January 29, 2016 at 11:16
Alliance vs The Horde
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:17
I would still just run around the fountain at Ally AH in Stormwind 😛
Mark Treloar
January 29, 2016 at 11:27
Deploy Dance Emotes!!!
VampyreSquirrel
January 29, 2016 at 11:34
I’d be deploying to toy train set!!! XD
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:36
They disabled it in WoD 🙁
VampyreSquirrel
January 29, 2016 at 11:41
Those… f’ing… utter… BRILLIANT people!!!! I f’ing HATED that thing!!!
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:46
Never forget. Choo Choo 2005- 2014
VampyreSquirrel
January 29, 2016 at 11:47
I kept a healthy supply of those train destroying bots in my inventory
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:50
I had more train sets than flasks for raiding xD
MisterSmurf ?
January 29, 2016 at 11:20
Simple ailments: damage from falling, getting shot, hunger etc. only, not all the other horrible stuff. I have never heard of a game character getting Aids, Cancer, Diabetes, Ebola, etc. ?
BakedBagel
January 29, 2016 at 11:28
Farcry 2 . The dude/dudette got damn malaria.
rip
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:34
There is a game out about cancer…
Raptor Rants
January 29, 2016 at 11:21
mmmmmm….. Simple. Magic. From Golden Sun. Djinn summons. Yeah.
RinceThis
January 29, 2016 at 11:22
Not relevant, but I thought this years ago! https://media.giphy.com/media/26xorCzVxXPFRCzC0/giphy.gif
Jan Prins
January 29, 2016 at 11:35
Rip the heads off my enemies, set them on fire, turn them into babies, beat them to a bloody pulp, hand them a doll of myself and call it “Friendship!” Friendship?
Hargrim
January 29, 2016 at 11:37
Skill Points – +10 intelligence please
Character Creation sliders – For after the other Sliders 😀
the Portal Gun – Because why isn’t this even on the main list?
Raptor Rants
January 29, 2016 at 11:49
I can tell you what mechanic I don’t want. ANY Bethesda title. I don’t need a life more buggy than currently
Ottokie
January 29, 2016 at 11:50
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/4e/9f/ec/4e9fec304522ed37a0c40cb46e73080e.jpg
Raptor Rants
January 29, 2016 at 11:51
Seems legit
Jan Prins
January 29, 2016 at 11:55
I dunno. Hand some woman a necklace you found and she is powerless to your marriage proposal??
Raptor Rants
January 29, 2016 at 13:33
Eish
miaau
January 29, 2016 at 12:43
As we all know, the save / reload spell is the most powerful there is, in any game (heard of some that punish you for that).
So, easy, want that in life.
Thinus Swart
January 29, 2016 at 14:44
Except when it comes to save game corruption…
Dane
January 29, 2016 at 12:51
I wish I could play soccer in a rocket powered car.
Gavin Mannion
January 29, 2016 at 13:37
When my kids were tiny I really wanted to be able to download my brain then turn myself off for 8 hours and then just reboot.
konfab
January 29, 2016 at 16:17
Being able to punch an annoying journalist, and getting away with it.
*runs*
konfab
January 29, 2016 at 16:19
I would like to be able to legally capture wild animals, then pit them against my childhood nemisis.