When I think of 2013, I think of one great year in gaming. DMC: Devil May Cry, The Last of Us and GTA V were some such examples of the quality games that were released. That doesn’t mean that some rather less than stellar games didn’t make it to that annual stage however, with Ride to Hell: Retribution easily being the worst of the lot. Six months ago we wondered if this game would be the top of a crap iceberg. We were right.
If you had to take a look at the rankings on score aggregate sites such as Metacritic and GameRankings, you’d notice that Ride To Hell: Retribution is at the very bottom of both those websites. In fact, the game holds a Metacritic score of just 13 from the four poor outlets that even bothered to review the game and a total of 0.9 from the 12 users who submitted their own reviews.
GameRankings is even less generous with the numbers, aggregating the reviews to give it a grand sum of 12 from five outlets. So how bad could it be? Destructoid called Ride to Hell a “sad little game made by sad little men”.
Sad little men who think it’s clever and grown up to shoehorn contextless drug collection and sex scenes into a game, because that’s what “mature” games do. Sad little men who haven’t met real human beings, if they think human beings talk, move, or even look like they do in this masterpiece of artistic indignity.
Official PlayStation Magazine in the UK could barely recommend the game to anyone, saying that it would only entertain “on the basis of the completely unintentional hilarity” and that it “even messes up a shot at so-bad-its-good status, and should be avoided like a racist with typhoid”.
Riding to actual Hell over 1000 miles of broken glass using your own scrotum as a toboggan would be more enjoyable.
Naturally, I am just dying to play this game myself, but every time I try and buy it off the Xbox store, my console decides to red ring of death itself in an attempt to escape such unwarranted punishment.
Last Updated: January 15, 2014
Sir Rants A Lot Llew. Jelly!!!
January 15, 2014 at 14:37
Eina. Those are some rough reviews
ToshZA
January 15, 2014 at 14:56
Yeah, but you reap what you sow, they apparently made a terrible game, so deserve the rebuttals.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 15:58
Once you unleash a scrotum story in a review, there’s no turning back. You can never return to a point of innocence. Ride to Hell ruined not only the reputation of the developers and publishers but also ruined the innocence of a young reviewer.
Alien Emperor Trevor
January 15, 2014 at 14:37
It’s the video game equivalent to Twilight?
ToshZA
January 15, 2014 at 14:55
With Justin Bieber doing the sound track.
Alien Emperor Trevor
January 15, 2014 at 14:58
Don’t say that, Rince will swoon.
ToshZA
January 15, 2014 at 15:01
I can do nothing but lol right now! too funny! 😀
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 15:07
You shut up! Just cus you find any reason to mention me doesn’t mean I feel the same way back! *truth
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:09
can you un jumble the sentence? TEG A MOOR
Alien Emperor Trevor
January 15, 2014 at 15:16
So not denying what I said about swooning. #truthwillsetyoufree
Admiral Chief in Vegas
January 15, 2014 at 15:21
LOOOL
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 15:56
Starting to think it is you smitten with ol Trev! He could burp and you would lol 😛
Weanerdog
January 15, 2014 at 16:00
Nice sidestep you Bieber swooner, you.
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 16:01
Le sigh, I expect new material people, NEW!
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 16:02
PS. Why didn’t you join us this weekend?!
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 16:06
Yeah Weaner, where were you? I at least had a valid excuse. I don’t exist. What’s your excuse? 😛
Weanerdog
January 15, 2014 at 18:20
I have a severe case of the poors 🙁
Admiral Chief in Vegas
January 15, 2014 at 16:16
Don’t try your misdirection on me Rincey, you have been burned
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 22:05
If you think your lover burned me with that lame comment I worry you are the one burned out… Perhaps too many comments? Mind you, today I should say too many random gifs of cats! Get back on form man, really 😛 or is on Trev better for you? HA! Tomorrow, I will judge you, least you think you are some god of us. You have no hold over gingers BOY, we have no soul.
Admiral Chief in Vegas
January 16, 2014 at 07:45
We PC brothers band together to point and laugh at the peasants. And yes, no soul man, nou souuuuuul
SheHulkNigri
January 15, 2014 at 15:42
Hey, at least Twilight had some redeeming qualities, like Anna Kendrick and her amazing rack, proof that a wooden plank can act and… and… NESSIE!!!
Alien Emperor Trevor
January 15, 2014 at 15:50
I’ve only ever seen her in Rapture-Palooza, quite enjoyed that.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 15:51
I had to google her… :/
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 15:50
I am yet to finish the first Twilight. I just can’t. The ham acting gets me every time. It’s really a case study of how not to make a movie. Terrible script, terrible actors, terrible directing. And what gets me is that the tweens and 30- 40+ somethings love it.
Weanerdog
January 15, 2014 at 16:01
I saw 20 minutes, I think I suffered enough.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 16:07
I don’t think it’s possible to watch more than 20 minutes (TBH)
Brian Murphy
January 15, 2014 at 22:58
See the below comment, the MST3K guys have made many a terrible and unwatchable movie, highly entertaining.
Brian Murphy
January 15, 2014 at 22:54
I hear it is MUCH MUCH easier, if you download the Rifftrax of all the twilight movies. Michael Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett make everything better.
Devourer of Small Bunnies
January 15, 2014 at 14:38
Did the devs ever respond to the harsh criticisms? There was some pretty vile things said tbh. Curious
Hammersteyn
January 15, 2014 at 14:44
LOL what would they say? Sorry, our bad, here’s a full refund?
Devourer of Small Bunnies
January 15, 2014 at 15:19
Ag, maar just curious hey
Hammersteyn
January 15, 2014 at 15:32
I think it’s like one of those times when a kid brings how a bad report card and just go to his room and wait for it to blow over.
Devourer of Small Bunnies
January 15, 2014 at 15:55
Hahaha, thats a brilliant anaology
Anon A Mouse
January 15, 2014 at 14:41
So what happened to The Ashes Cricket game then?
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 14:54
DING DING!
Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim
January 15, 2014 at 15:03
It was recalled, and thus never actually released.
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:06
Did this game actually make it to stores?
Alien Emperor Trevor
January 15, 2014 at 15:12
It’s on Steam. It can be yours for only $20.
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:17
not even worth $1
Anon A Mouse
January 15, 2014 at 15:06
But the truth is out there…
Vulcha
January 15, 2014 at 18:05
It was released and THEN recalled, as I recall.
Weanerdog
January 15, 2014 at 16:02
Don’t think anyone actually reviewed it.
Hammersteyn
January 15, 2014 at 14:44
DMC? Really? I’m playing it now and it’s just meh. I downloaded it from PS+ but I don’t feel like playing it at all. When I do it’s just to rush through everything and get it over with. Yes that’s what she said.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 15:30
That’s why I haven’t bothered to download it. I played a bit of it at my counsin’s place, and I really wasn’t impressed.
Grant Hancock
January 15, 2014 at 14:45
“Riding to actual Hell over 1000 miles of broken glass using your own scrotum as a toboggan would be more enjoyable.” Best game reviewer comment in history ! haha
That Tall Ork Norm
January 15, 2014 at 15:08
That bad hey?
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 14:47
This game is an insult to gamers……
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 15:55
It’s an insult to legitimate insults!
handeu haime
March 19, 2014 at 19:19
not not just gamer but to all human being.. or every living thing in this galaxy aahaha
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 14:48
Also…DMC……..
Hammersteyn
January 15, 2014 at 14:52
Yup
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 14:53
Worse than A:CM? LIES!
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 14:55
Much worse…….Seriously. ACM is GOTY compared to this turd of a game
ToshZA
January 15, 2014 at 14:56
Did you actually play it?
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 14:58
Hellz yeah, on PC. Had to see if it was really that bad
ToshZA
January 15, 2014 at 15:00
Damn dude, wish I had money to waste like that. haha.
At least its over now right? Been to the shrinks and such?
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 14:57
How do you know? You didn’t BUY it did you?! 0-O Readies frying pan of doom.
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 14:58
Lol yup, on PC 🙂
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 15:06
BANG!*
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:05
now that is saying alot! apparently even the motorbike is silent in this game and having sex with women full clothed to cutscenes where beards pop in! I mean Beards for goodness sakes.. Why on earth would people make this I don’t know perhaps were tripping on coke, ecstasy and bath salts all at the same time!
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 15:07
And still ask so much for this game. Developers should be ashamed. Especially hyping this game up so much
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:09
They Hyped it? where in porno mags?
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 15:13
It was going to be an open world Biker game that will let you live out your Biker fantasies…yeah right
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:17
Biker fantasies… that says it all!
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:15
DEEP SILVER should be shot! hell didn’t deep silver help make Dead island?
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 15:28
I think Deep SIlver suffers from Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde syndrome. One second they seem ok. They even invite you out for a drink, and then next… they dump a pile of poop on your head, and steal your wallet.
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:34
Amen brother amen!
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:16
WARNING GAME MAY LEAD TO RANDOM BURSTS OF ANGER AND BRING THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE.
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 15:16
ElimiNathan
January 15, 2014 at 15:18
Beat me to it 😀
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 15:19
Lol one of his best
Hammersteyn
January 15, 2014 at 15:34
LOL now I have to watch it again.
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 15:34
It is so good! HAHAHA!
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 15:43
damn you, not I AM watching it again!
General JJ Raven (John)
January 15, 2014 at 15:43
This is great
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 15:53
One of his best 🙂
General JJ Raven (John)
January 15, 2014 at 15:58
Definitely
Hammersteyn
January 15, 2014 at 16:00
I cant stop laughing at the sex scenes from 23:00 onwards
ElimiNathan
January 15, 2014 at 15:18
LOL watch the Angry Joe Show video of worst games of 2013, this also came up as number 1 worst
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 15:19
Whenever a game is universally panned, I have to fight the urge to play it. I can’t help it, I just want to see if it’s really that bad. My list of terrible games to play features the following: Star Trek, Ride to Hell Retribution, Activision’s Walking Dead, Aliens CM and Call of Duty Ghosts.
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:19
COD ghosts isn’t gonna make you cringe.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 15:20
Call of Duty MW2 did… and I cringed every year thereafter… 😛
TiMsTeR1033
January 15, 2014 at 15:21
they not half as bad as this game!
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 15:24
Hehehehe
http://cdn.androidpolice.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/nexusae0_personal_trollface_hd_thumb.png
SheHulkNigri
January 15, 2014 at 15:44
Nah man, MW 2 was the last good COD single player game. If only for the cool voice acting…
Grant Hancock
January 15, 2014 at 15:40
Argghghh that Walking Dead game was terrible !
Weanerdog
January 15, 2014 at 16:04
I kinda want to get my hands on Ashes Cricket 2013 for the same reason.
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 16:08
lol, I was thinking the exact same thing. Did you see the video with the fielders scurrying after the ball. lol it makes me laugh every time.
Weanerdog
January 15, 2014 at 18:19
The one where they take 9 to short leg yes I love it
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
January 15, 2014 at 15:26
DMC was one of the good games? I never would have thought. I kind of ignored it because it just seemed so soulless, and so eager to please the under-13 crowd.
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 15:39
Praise the Banana!!!
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 15:54
You mean the kilobyte? Tehehehe
Umar digs KOS-MOS
January 15, 2014 at 16:05
Lol he is real dammit, he will become a real boy!
RinceThis2014
January 15, 2014 at 16:07
Lies! @JimLenoir:disqus fails the
Voight-Kampff test!
Gavin Mannion
January 15, 2014 at 15:40
I have to play this game
SheHulkNigri
January 15, 2014 at 15:47
Strangely enough, so do I…
Major Commodore 64 Darryn B
January 15, 2014 at 15:46
I genuinely do want to play this game. But I just can’t justify the cost of paying to do so.
Brenz
January 15, 2014 at 21:20
likewise, I would love to see how bad it is, but refuse to pay for it
Brandon Roberts
May 2, 2014 at 22:46
iv’e seen videos of it. it is just hilariously bad the A.I. sucks the sex scenes it’s just fully clothed awkward mannquin sex the graphics suck it’s glitched to hell. in fact let’s play a fun little game if you can find just 1 good thing about this game i’ll say whatever you want in a reply but in order to find good about this you would have to not know what a game is.