That’s a wrap… July is gone, finished, done for, kaput! August promises butterflies and rainbows and cookies and Gamescom and kittens and traditional wind conditions. IT’S GONNA BE A GOOD ONE! How did we conclude July though? Oh, you know, news stories and stuff! Here’s what happened this week on Lazygamer.
Best Story
So much good news, so little time! It made me happy knowing that ESPN were going to expand their eSports coverage, but then I remembered the new addition to the Lazygamer family. With my impressive place-camera-on-tripod-and-push-record abilities and Sandy’s amazing PC building skills, we put together the new and shiny Evetech Lagzatron 3000. IT’S ALIVE!!!
Worst Story
The universe needs to balance its diet somehow, so it gives us some stories now and then that stab us right in the feels. I couldn’t decide what was worse, YouTube people demanding cash, or Nintendo losing $97 million in the last quarter. Actually, I’ll choose Nintendo. LIVE DAMMIT! I IMPLORE YOU TO LIVE!
Random Story
This category only appears when we cover the most random of stuff. It all seemed like a joke to me at first, but apparently this pelvic muscle device called SKEA is for real and it even has its own Kickstarter page (which is now on $9,116). Words will do no justice, you need to see the video for yourself!
Best ION Header
Decisions decisions! DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE! Ok fine, Monika Chantal wins this week because she doesn’t seem to remember where she put her pants.
Most Comments
Did you hear that? It’s the sound of Geoff raking in 105 comments. You all clearly love talking about the voices in your head!
Least Comments
I knew this day would come. I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT! I’m finally out of the basement, I don’t have the least comments this week! That honour has been swiftly transferred to Darryn, who only went on to receive a literal pity comment on his Pokémon article
Batman Of The Week
Urgh… it’s the same old story here. Move along, nothing to read about Geoff being Batman yet again! I honestly don’t know how he does it. He writes, edits, does the behind-the-scenes stuff, spends time on twitter, and throws insults at my face all without breaking a sweat!
Cabbage Of The Week
Yeah we all know who this sod is, right? I have dreams dammit, dreams of not being the opposite of Batman!
Header Image Of The Week
Geoff is no stranger to Photoshop tomfoolery. If Bryan Mills was ever a Street Fighter character (via some convenient DLC) the game would be completely broken, as he would find everybody and beat the hell out of them.
Comment Of The Week
Oh Cliffy B, what big restaurant opening skills you have. Too bad you will have some or other excuse if it fails, as pointed out by Ryanza:
When the restaurant business doesn’t do so well. He is going to blame the second hand restaurants.
Don’t support DRM
Bonus Premium Content
Who doesn’t like a little something extra? Just by reading this article, you are automatically upgraded to premium member status! Here, have some Starbomb…
Last Updated: August 1, 2014
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 12:31
KITTEH!!!
Norm
August 1, 2014 at 12:32
‘premium member status’
Woop woop!
hairyknees
August 1, 2014 at 12:40
Congrats! You earned it 😛
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 12:41
MSM CABBAGE MAN!
hairyknees
August 1, 2014 at 12:45
SSSH! Don’t give away my secret identity!
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 12:47
So, you up for a game tonight?
hairyknees
August 1, 2014 at 12:57
I see your bluff and raise you an IGNORANT COMMENT!
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 13:00
*sigh*
Was actually sincere. Fine, back to Skyrim I go
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:32
That’s right! Carry on running to Windhelm! Or wherever you were running
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 14:00
Yes, off to Winterhold!
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 14:02
TO THE WIZARDS!!!
hairyknees
August 1, 2014 at 13:50
I’m sorry <3 tomorrow perhaps? I should be on just about the whole day.
When Heroes of the Storm comes out we HAVE to play that too 🙂
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 13:59
Agreed
Sageville
August 1, 2014 at 13:10
Pfft, us with Ultra Mega Elite member status look down on all the “Premium” wankers!
Umar
August 1, 2014 at 12:35
SERIOUSLY DOUGH……
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/c5/c512ffbceb9c28e4f5cad53f1192b1e55a0e5588c07b642dbb5a81b9c724d0a7.jpg
Anon A Mouse
August 1, 2014 at 13:03
FO SHIZZLE!!
Sageville
August 1, 2014 at 14:42
MA NIZZLE!
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 14:43
Until you DRIZZLE
Sageville
August 1, 2014 at 14:52
From yow PIZZLE!
Rince/Trev4quoteofweek
August 1, 2014 at 12:38
Well done Ryanza! BUT, PLEASE for the love of all things holy, tell us your stance on DRM, the suspense is killing me!
CAE9872
August 1, 2014 at 12:39
LOL
Ryanza
August 1, 2014 at 12:44
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8b/DRM_protest_Boston_DefectiveByDesign.jpg
Rince/Trev4quoteofweek
August 1, 2014 at 12:45
Yeah, but he’s ginger, there’s not a word in the fucking world I’d trust out its mouth…
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 12:47
Hahaha, indeed
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 12:52
So that’s why Gordon Freeman never speaks?
Rince/Trev4quoteofweek
August 1, 2014 at 12:53
Indeed. But you may also note how AWESOME he is 😉
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 12:54
NO WAY Gordon is a ginger! He is actually effective!
Skyblue
August 1, 2014 at 17:40
Lulz “its mouth”
Ryanza
August 1, 2014 at 18:19
That’s why they gave him a sign so he won’t speak.
Ryanza
August 1, 2014 at 12:39
If I’m comment of the week, with all my shitty comments, then something was wrong this week.
Don’t support DRM comment of the week, yes. I knew it would pay off one of these days. How many years has it been…..
CAE9872
August 1, 2014 at 12:43
Well done – that restaurant analogy was very clever! And FINALLY your DRM comments paid off…
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 12:44
It’s quite ironic, DRM and the constant reminder of DRM…is a DRM in itself?
😛
Rince/Trev4quoteofweek
August 1, 2014 at 12:57
NICE
Rince/Trev4quoteofweek
August 1, 2014 at 12:57
Well, now you are famous, get an avatar man! 🙂
Anon A Mouse
August 1, 2014 at 12:58
He is too hipster for an avatar.
Don’t support avatars.
Rince/Trev4quoteofweek
August 1, 2014 at 12:59
Don’t Suppors Ravatars? He’s got to be Asian!
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 13:05
Here’s one he can use 😛
http://wiiudaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/peter-moore-a-580.jpg
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:31
Hehehe. Gratz dude 🙂
Now register, get an avatar and join the ranks of the elite 😉
Sith JJ
August 1, 2014 at 14:48
So you DON’T support DRM? Wow. Didn’t expect that. 😉
Rince/Trev4quoteofweek
August 1, 2014 at 12:41
I’d like to point out that I pointed Geoff in the direction of that article, so, as a humble person I accept your adulation. Thanks.
hairyknees
August 1, 2014 at 12:44
Sheesh… we have already given you Premium Status! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT MAN?!?!?! 😛
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 12:45
More cabbages? Now, where did that horrible picture go?…
hairyknees
August 1, 2014 at 12:45
NOOOOOOOO! *gets bleach ready*
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:31
Don’t do it! Please don’t do it!
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 13:31
(refresh)
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:33
No!
hairyknees
August 1, 2014 at 12:46
Also, nice staff badge! 😛
Rince/Trev4quoteofweek
August 1, 2014 at 12:48
Lulz 😉
Weanerdog
August 1, 2014 at 12:50
So isn’t there an temp staff badge or something
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 12:53
Green cabbage badge?
Weanerdog
August 1, 2014 at 13:18
That will do.
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 13:27
GCB
hairyknees
August 1, 2014 at 13:50
I don’t know, I just intern around these parts 😛
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:53
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2TlJURCpwPE/Ur4kNw_S_jI/AAAAAAAACI4/wxtJD0zC3As/s1600/interns.jpg
Lord Chaos
August 1, 2014 at 13:54
O_o
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 14:00
*in annoying Sandton voice*
Don’t they look happy!?
Lord Chaos
August 1, 2014 at 14:02
Constipated maybe.
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 14:02
looooooooool
Sageville
August 1, 2014 at 14:46
Aren’t you supposed to be locked in a basement somewhere reviewing Kardashian games?
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 12:54
Nice one Geoff, Epic lulz Ryanza
http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/gif-Batman-Joker-snow-610385.gif
Anon A Mouse
August 1, 2014 at 12:55
OK the suspense is killing me, when is Batman slapping him?
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 12:59
3 mins 37 seconds
Anon A Mouse
August 1, 2014 at 13:00
I’m at 10 already.
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 13:00
YOU MISSED IT!!!
Anon A Mouse
August 1, 2014 at 13:01
Darn, let me start over again.
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 12:59
I was more concerned about the unlimited snow balls.
Anon A Mouse
August 1, 2014 at 13:00
Also who gave the porra power to do the good, bad and ugly? This is supposed to be a sacred article done by people less affiliated with cabbage.
Lord Chaos
August 1, 2014 at 13:12
That was one great ION header.
Anon A Mouse
August 1, 2014 at 13:16
As a side note. Can’t we give @hammersteyn:disqus an erection / viagra award for the week or something? The poor man is upvoting almost every comment on all the articles.
Kensei Seraph
August 1, 2014 at 13:19
He’d get that award every week.
I think he does it to mark the comments he’s already read.
Lord Chaos
August 1, 2014 at 13:22
Makes sense. But would he upvote a comment badmouthing him?
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:36
Let’s see. @hammersteyn:disqus is weird
Lord Chaos
August 1, 2014 at 13:38
I’d see that as a compliment.
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 13:38
I’ve upvoted even worse than that,ask Rince. Plus I even upvote our resident XBOX fanboi Pieter Kruger.
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:39
But why? You won’t tell us why you upvote everything??? Are you OCD? Are you the poster boy for the upvoter squad? Are you Just that friendly?
WHY!?!?!?!?!?!
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 13:41
Bit of column A and a bit of column B.
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:41
but… but there are no columns there 🙁 I MUST FIND THE ANSWER!!!!
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 14:23
I’ll let you know soon as I do.
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 14:31
The suspense is killing me
Unavengedavo
August 1, 2014 at 13:47
The only person you don’t upvote is yourself O_o
Lord Chaos
August 1, 2014 at 13:48
I’ll upvote him so he doesn’t feel left out.
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 13:53
That would be cheating
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 13:39
I can’t help it at the moment, must be OCD.
Brady miaau
August 1, 2014 at 18:11
do you not mean COD? surely?
Also to blame for the school shooting, I understand
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 13:31
Or a new title:
Hammersteyn the Upvoter
Hammersteyn
August 1, 2014 at 13:39
No I don’t.
*Upvotes comment.
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:29
Dat pitty comment on the Pokemon article…..
Admiral Chief Dovahkiin
August 1, 2014 at 13:32
Who was it?
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:34
@disqus_dQR6yNlVbg:disqus made the pitty comment
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 13:30
Gratz Ryanza on comment of the week. I had a good chuckle at that one
Rags
August 1, 2014 at 15:44
You may only chuckle.
If you don’t support drm.
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
August 1, 2014 at 18:14
huehuehuehue
Alien Emperor Trevor
August 1, 2014 at 13:47
That made me giggle.