Thousands of Baldur’s Gate 3 players died after they interrupted Ogre sexy-times

Brad’s been waxing lyrical about Baldur’s Gate 3 lately, resulting in a review so nerdy and infused with Dungeons ‘n Dragons DNA that when I was done reading it I sent him a NEEEEERRRRRRRRRRDD voice message. While it’s early access state is naturally buggy, developer Larian’s sequel to the beloved role-playing game series is shaping up mighty fine and by the time the game is complete, it’ll be something to behold.

A few days into its first act, the studio already has some fascinating stats to share when it’s not giving players well-deserved grief for making the most vanilla of in-game characters using the detailed creation tools available to them. Here’s a breakdown on how players can’t stop dying thanks to an interruption of Ogre intimacy, according to Larian:

• There’s a huge spike in deaths around the area you first meet Gale, suggesting some players don’t necessarily like it when a smug wizard appears out of a rock.
• This is a traditionally non-combat encounter, but of course in Baldur’s Gate 3 players can enter into combat with whomever they wish, at almost any moment.
• This suggests that players are actively engaging in combat with Gale. Is it something he said?
• On the topic of Gale, he has died a total of 333757 times.
• However, Gale has a party-member kill-rate 4 times higher than any NPC in the game.
• Shadowheart is the only companion to die more than the player character; poor Shadowheart.
• The Owlbear Cub has killed 5717 players.
• Exactly 4000 people died as a result of interrupting the intimate moments of Ogres and Bug Bears.
• If you died at the crash site in your encounter with the fallen Mind Flayer, don’t fret, you’re with 3753 others.

The first big patch for Baldur’s Gate 3 has also arrived, fixing numerous glitches, bugs, and proving more polish to the first act of the game. You can see all the detailed fixes below, in a breakdown that will be pure Viagra for anyone who gets turned on bullet-point lists:

• Added polish and bug fixes to several in-game cinematics, such as Shadow Heart recruitment, Astarion recruitment and Volo’s Poem. (These will be ongoing throughout EA).
• Added minor text tweaks to various bits and bobs.
• Altered certain dialogue choices for different NPCs.
• Added extra combat tutorial messages to better explain the basics (let us know how you get on).
• Astarion no longer thinks Lae’zel inspected you at camp when she is not in your party. Quite rightly.

Bug Fixes

• Fixed a crash related to having the level up screen open while in a dialog.
• Fixed a crash related to dropping items from inventory.
• Fixed a rare crash that could happen at the start of combat.
• Fixed a possible blocking issue when using the transponder at the end of the tutorial twice.
• Fixed black screen issue when ending tutorial if the transponder was used by any character that is not the main player avatar.
• Fixed a possible blocking issue when reassigning characters to others players while in combat.
• Fixed an issue with lip sync not working correctly.
• Fixed several localization issues.
• Fixed combat UI not updating correctly when someone joined during combat.
• Fixed party shared gold and items not always working in dialog checks.
• Fixed summons from NPC’s getting stuck in combat.
• Fixed levelled up characters having duplicated racial and class features.
• Fixed not being able to level up to level 4 on a Zariel Tiefling Cleric of Light due to cantrip selection.
• Fixed text cut-off issues in several interfaces.
• Fixed party members getting stuck trying to open doors they run past.
• Fixed listening in to dialogs getting stuck in multiplayer, also causing players not being able to save.
• Fixed camp button being broken after closing the camp window with escape key.
• Fixed “end the day” multiplayer message being broken if a player closed it with an escape key.
• Fixed certain quests not having map markers.
• Fixed certain secret entrances incorrectly showing up on the map.
• Fixed incorrect player portraits in the lobby screen as more people joined.
• Fixed Cambion wings and Tiefling tail animations.
• Fixed map not centering correctly on player characters in smaller subregions.
• Fixed health values not being synced correctly to the Baldur’s Gate 3 twitch extension.
• Fixed superiority die not showing actual values when using abilities such as Menacing attack.
• Fixed minor issues with hair, skinning and textures on several models.
• Fixed lighting issue in owlbear cave.
• Fixed not being able to walk over corpses.
• Tweaked ragdolls to reduce the possibility of models exploding (or glitching. Idk how to explain it, but it’s spooky).

Last Updated: October 14, 2020