Home Opinion Friday Debate – Which beloved childhood TV character is pure nightmare fuel to you today?

Friday Debate – Which beloved childhood TV character is pure nightmare fuel to you today?

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Woofles-1

It’s Saturday morning, all your homework is done and before you get a start on the day it’s time to indulge in the most classic of childhood hobbies: Making a bowl of cereal with enough sugar in it to give an elephant a heart attack and plonking your butt down in front of the TV to watch some cartoons. Or some weird live-action kids show before you hear your TV blare “PREVIOUSLY, ON X-MEN!”.

Here’s the thing: I think I know why I’m so damaged now, after I decided to look back at those shows which my infant mind absorbed. You ever hear the old adage of gazing into the abyss and then seeing the darkness look back at you? If the abyss had a face, it would be Woofles from Pumpkin Patch, a fever dream giving polyester flesh and unleashed on children so that dark forces could harvest the screams of the innocent.

There’s no shortage of local monstrosities either when it comes to classic TV shows. Mr Chinwag from Kideo is a carrot-obsessed ass of an ass who’d gnaw your face off for some of his favourite orange deathsticks, Galooby was pretty much what would happen if Barney the dinosaur kept it in the family and Liewe Heksie was a puppet that was controlled by fear made manifest.

Face of Evil
BEHOLD THE FACE OF YOUR DESTROYER

Hell, even with the advent of cheaper computer-generated animation that has pretty much killed the industry of live-action TV nightmare fuel, there’s still no end in sight to the ancient horror who find new avatars in the digital entertainment of today. You just know that this animated fridge would steal your soul if it was given the chance to do so:

So here’s the question: With the power of hindsight, which TV show gives you the heebie-jeebies? Which classic childhood mascot is evil and hate, all wrapped up in a smelly costume that can barely contain the malevolence inside? Maybe Zet freaks you out with his incessant mumbling, maybe that damn duck high off of its socks on nose candy in Wielie Wallie should be locked up.

Discuss below, quiver in fear and blame GrahamZA and Nukehead for the carnage that they have unleashed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go pay the creators of Timothy Traddle a visit. They’re very late for their trial in the Hague.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Critical Hit as an organisation.

Last Updated: September 27, 2019

85 Comments

  1. Pumpkin Patch

    Reply

    • Dresden

      September 27, 2019 at 11:29

      Fuck that show!

      Reply

      • Original Heretic

        September 27, 2019 at 11:42

        Jeez, YOU have a weird fetish…

        Reply

        • Dresden

          September 27, 2019 at 11:43

          Pumpkins make for sensual lovers.

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief

            September 27, 2019 at 11:51

            Raw or cooked?

          • Dresden

            September 27, 2019 at 11:59

            Depends on the season. Both are good.

        • Dresden

          September 27, 2019 at 11:43

          Pumpkins make for sensual lovers.

          Reply

    • Admiral Chief

      September 27, 2019 at 11:14

      Wooooaaaoaaaaaaa pumpkin paaaaatch (cue the theme song)

      Reply

      • Dresden

        September 27, 2019 at 11:29

        Thanks for the earworm 🙂

        Reply

        • Pariah

          September 27, 2019 at 11:29

          Better than a tapeworm.

          Reply

          • Dresden

            September 27, 2019 at 11:29

            You say that, but I’m not so sure at the moment.

        • Admiral Chief

          September 27, 2019 at 11:36

          WE’RE ALL READY FOR PUUUUUMPKIN PATCH

          WOOOOOOOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAAOAAAAA

          Reply

  2. The Big Bad Wolf

    September 27, 2019 at 10:56

    Traumatized me as a kid and still haunts me to this day: The bear and lion from Teletubbies.

    Reply

  3. Original Heretic

    September 27, 2019 at 10:57

    Howard the Duck.

    Reply

  4. G8crasha

    September 27, 2019 at 11:05

    I wouldn’t say Banana’s in Pajamas are nightmare fuel, but I so hate them now because of how stupid they were, and I don’t mean that figuratively – mentally they were stupid!

    Reply

  5. Skyblue

    September 27, 2019 at 11:05

    • Yahtzee

      September 27, 2019 at 11:05

      Uhmmmmm…

      wot?
      how?

      Reply

    • Dresden

      September 27, 2019 at 11:22

      Heresy! Heidi is a national treasure!

      Reply

      • Jacques Van Zyl

        September 27, 2019 at 12:42

        A stolen treasure, but a treasure nonetheless.

        Reply

  6. Kromas

    September 27, 2019 at 11:05

    Chucky.

    Reply

  7. G8crasha

    September 27, 2019 at 11:05

    So does everyone love Barney?! Haven’t seen that name mentioned yet!!!

    Reply

    • Yahtzee

      September 27, 2019 at 11:05

      Well yea. He loves me and he loves you.

      Reply

      • Original Heretic

        September 27, 2019 at 11:14

        Yah, he’s into threeways, that purple freak!

        Reply

        • Pariah

          September 27, 2019 at 13:23

          Threeways, as long as it’s in the family.

          Reply

    • Dresden

      September 27, 2019 at 11:22

      Hated his guts as a kid!

      Reply

      • Pariah

        September 27, 2019 at 11:22

        But the skin was fine?

        Reply

        • Admiral Chief

          September 27, 2019 at 11:22

          Asking the real questions here…

          Reply

  8. Pariah

    September 27, 2019 at 11:05

    Not much from my childhood compares to Spongebob. That show is a true blight on the world. It’s not live action, but it’s much, much worse than anything some washed-up actors in costumes could put together.

    Reply

  9. GazzaD

    September 27, 2019 at 11:05

    Yeah, Liewe Heksie was pure nightmare fuel!

    Reply

  10. G8crasha

    September 27, 2019 at 11:14

    Nobody better diss on Dinosaurs (not exactly kids programming, but I still watched it during my teenage years).

    Reply

    • Pariah

      September 27, 2019 at 11:14

      That just reminds me of the best cartoon. A Land Before Time.

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief

        September 27, 2019 at 11:21

        Have you watched The Good Dinosaur?

        Reply

        • Pariah

          September 27, 2019 at 11:21

          Nope. I prefer my dinosaurs to be bad, baby! 😉

          Reply

      • Dresden

        September 27, 2019 at 11:29

        Nothing matches up to those movies. The feels…

        Reply

        • Admiral Chief

          September 27, 2019 at 11:29

          Watership Down, man, evil stuff

          Reply

          • Pariah

            September 27, 2019 at 11:29

            I genuinely still get a catch in my throat every time I think of that movie. And the Bright Eyes song. Fuck.

          • Admiral Chief

            September 27, 2019 at 11:36

            Duuuuuude

          • Pariah

            September 27, 2019 at 11:36

          • Admiral Chief

            September 27, 2019 at 11:36

            Nope, not clicking that

          • Pariah

            September 27, 2019 at 11:36

            The comments are heavy AF, too.

          • Admiral Chief

            September 27, 2019 at 11:36

            Fine, I’ll take a QUICK gander

          • Admiral Chief

            September 27, 2019 at 11:36

            4 comments in, and just, wut

          • Guz

            September 27, 2019 at 11:36

            I’m not crying!! You are crying !

      • G8crasha

        September 27, 2019 at 11:14

        if you wanna be depressed!

        Reply

        • Pariah

          September 27, 2019 at 11:14

          I was already depressed. That lifted my mood. :/

          Reply

    • The Big Bad Wolf

      September 27, 2019 at 11:14

      That was a drug trip of a show! But great puppetry and some decent jokes.

      Reply

  11. Pariah

    September 27, 2019 at 11:14

    So my mom used to work in the broadcasting industry and I was on the set of Kideo a few times as a kid. I’ve got to say, seeing a lot of this stuff happen from behind the scenes really removes the nightmare part of it.

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief

      September 27, 2019 at 11:21

      Pariaeo movie star!

      Reply

      • Pariah

        September 27, 2019 at 11:21

        hah, behind the scenes. Though I did appear in an episode of X-attitude and in the audience of a Fanta game show once.

        Reply

        • Admiral Chief

          September 27, 2019 at 11:21

          TO THE GOOGOL-MOBILE!

          Reply

          • Pariah

            September 27, 2019 at 11:21

            GOOD-O-LUCK

  12. Admiral Chief

    September 27, 2019 at 11:14

    Zet

    Reply

    • Pariah

      September 27, 2019 at 11:14

      Nyet

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief

        September 27, 2019 at 11:21

        Blyatman

        Reply

        • Pariah

          September 27, 2019 at 11:21

          He is the Cyka of the night!

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief

            September 27, 2019 at 11:21

            He d-d-d-drop the slavic bass

          • Pariah

            September 27, 2019 at 11:21

          • Admiral Chief

            September 27, 2019 at 11:22

            This man is no true Slav, he needs more stripes on the pants!

          • Pariah

            September 27, 2019 at 11:22

            He makes up for it by not dropping either of the bottles. And if they’re open (which I’d hazard a guess that they are), then not spilling a drop either. True Slav…

          • Admiral Chief

            September 27, 2019 at 11:22

            Legwork is on point yo!

          • HairyEwok

            September 27, 2019 at 13:45

            He hasn’t been promoted to full slav yet, he is only semi-slav.

  13. Admiral Chief

    September 27, 2019 at 11:29

    That one video where the kid betrays Zet. The look on that kids face….

    Probably decades of therapy was needed

    Reply

    • HvR

      September 29, 2019 at 11:11

      That was a Leon Schuster movie

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief

        September 30, 2019 at 08:27

        Correct yes

        Reply

  14. HairyEwok

    September 27, 2019 at 12:22

    Zet anyone? ZET!?

    Reply

  15. Tbone187

    September 27, 2019 at 15:06

    I’ve had too much drugs n alcohol over the yrs to remember. Maybe they were the reason for my decades long binge?

    Anyways, seeing how kids these days react to the old stuff is hilarious. They like, what’s wrong with dad, mommy? Why’s he playing this for us? What is this?

    Reply

  16. Brad Lang

    September 27, 2019 at 10:57

    I doubt anyone else will remember this, but this episode of the Teletubbies with the guy in the house FUCKED ME UP.

    Reply

    • Brad Lang

      September 27, 2019 at 10:57

      Still makes me uncomfortable.

      Reply

    • G8crasha

      September 27, 2019 at 10:57

      Put some blood on his face, a knife in his hand, and him and Chucky can go at it to see who is the evilest of evil!

      Reply

    • Pariah

      September 27, 2019 at 11:05

      La la. La laaaaaaaaaaaaa. La laa. La laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

      Reply

  17. BradeLunner

    September 27, 2019 at 15:24

  18. HvR

    September 29, 2019 at 11:19

    As Kasie posted Mannerak, no contest it is Mannerak.

    A close second is Tobie Cronje in his Rompelstompel 18th century french aristocracy acid trip drag costume.

    Reply

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