The good, the bad and the ugly of the week – 12 July 2019

The more I think about it, the more I realise that hot chilli peppers are like laxatives for your sinuses.

Best story

Someone lost an ultra-rare super-awesome limited edition Pokémon card this week, one that is well worth many many thousands of dollars. Why is this good news you may ask? Well, it kind of isn’t, but I just wanted to start this post off with news that I am suddently $60 000 richer and my recently-acquired riches totes have nothing to do with that story. I promise, for real. Hey anyone want to party? I’m paying.

Worst story

Oh no. Not Cheddar. NOT CHEDDAR! The canine companion of the excessively emotional Captain Raymond Holt, Cheddar was more than just an adorable member of the 99, more than just a scene-stealing pooch and definitely more than a cake-eating thief in the night. Cheddar was simply put, a very good doggo. I…I have to go lie down now.

In other craptacular news not related to TV show corgis, G2A was back in the spotlight with allegations of them attempting to sway public opinion to their side in an effort to emerge as a noble reseller of game keys at greatly reduced prices. Y’know, something different to their usual reputation, that of them being a scummy hive of immoral thievery that encourages credit card fraudsters to commit all manner of crime to make a quick buck. Busted for that, G2A wasted no time in setting the record straight.

Nah, just kidding, they threw one of their employees under a bus and quickly began work on Plan C for salvaging their reputation.

WTF story

In typical “WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN” fashion, one of the best and most disturbing hoaxes of recent memory has managed to not only take on a life of its own, but is now getting the full feature film adaptation and coming full circle on its birth,life and death. The Momo Challenge may have duped many an unwilling mother, but just imagine the horror they’ll face when said internet tomfoolery pops up on TV as a big budget flick. Oh Internet, you are the best.

Header image of the week

I’m sorry guys, I have been exceptionally lazy this week because reasons, resulting in news posts that used vanilla header images instead of pictures featuring vague references that only two people will understand let alone spot. Sorry guys, I promise to do better next week.

Comment of the week

Poisoned Belial wins comment of the week, for painting a far too accurate picture of what a Lord of the Rings game from Amazon is going to be like:

Main Game Quest:

Grand Orc Taskmaster – “Have you gone to the warehouse?”

Player – “Why would I need to do that?”

Taskmaster – “WE HAVE OUTSTANDING PRIME ORDERS FOR SAME DAY!!”

Player – “Wait… What?”

Taskmaster – “TIME WASTING! NO MORE BATHROOM BREAKS!”

Player – “The fuck?!”

Taskmaster – “HURRY UP”

Player – *Slips and dies on warehouse floor*

Taskmaster – *kicks body* “NOTHING TO SEE HERE, WE HAVE BEST EMPLOYMENT AND BEST PERKS”

Critical Hit Original Recipe Content

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Child’s Play: How modernising the horror classic gives Chucky more ways to kill
Destiny 2 – How to get the Bad Juju exotic pulse rifle
Eagle Island Review: A Beautiful Identity Crisis
Kill la Kill The Game: IF feels fast, fun and fashionable in action
Ten villains who could be the perfect big bad in the future Marvel Cinematic Universe
The Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringer Diaries – The journey begins
All the cool exclusive toys that’ll be at San Diego Comic Con 2019
The best comic book covers of the week – 08 July 2019
Weekend box office – Spider-Man webs up record-breaking debut
[SPOILER] Let’s talk about Spider-Man: Far From Home’s two credits scenes

Bonus DVD Content

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Critical Hit as an organisation.

Last Updated: July 12, 2019