When you clench your sphincter muscles to hold in a fart you’re diverting all power to shields.
Best stories of the week
I don’t know about you guys, but I am most definitely a frames guy more than I am a resolution guy. With new consoles on the way and a pissing contest in the works for which games look better on which machine, Microsoft is currently focused on seeing which of its titles will actually play better on their consoles instead of sputtering out of the gate with a high pixel count. After toying with a freemium model, underrated RPG series Torchlight is going back to basics with a more simple approach: A quality game, a decent price tag and no fee to play mechanics. Nice.
Worst story of the week
It’s not a good week for Blizzard right now, as the hotly anticipated remaster of WarCraft 3 has raised a few red flags. Players aren’t happy with the game having numerous bugs, poor performance and fair usage rights regarding custom games.
WTF stories of the week
Ah Google Stadia, the punching bag that just keeps on giving. It’s bad enough that Google has been quiet as a church mouse regarding Stadia and its services, but the company decided to pass the buck this week in light of those complaints and go as hands off as possible with the streaming service, attempting to sway the mobs to vent their frustrations at the developers of third-party games instead. Seriously Google, what crack are you smoking?
Also, Terminators in Ghost Recon: Breakpoint? I kind of want to buy the game just to experience that now.
Header image of the week
Y’all got any more of those Dead Cells?
Comments of the week (Thanks Hammer!)
eXCheez loves the new Star Wars trilogy and he clearly wants more of it in a rebooted Knights of the Old Republic game:
I hope all the characters are played by Rey. Knights of the Old Reypublic.
MaSeKind sees the porntential in a new Pinocchio movie:
The one the porn industry has been waiting for. Every other Disney movie has had porn parodies, but none has so much growth potential as Pinocchio
Hey, even I made the list this week with my score for Pokémon challenger TemTem!
It’s a Tem out of Ten game.
Sorry Guz, I wish I could have given Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot a higher score but Metacritic would probably ban me for doing so:
Disappointed it’s score isn’t over 9000!
And Pariah just broke me with his response to Kromas about mixing sci-fi universes:
May the force be with you, Ensign
Critical Hit Original Recipe Content
Patapon 2 Remastered review – The beat pata pata pata pons on
Wargroove: Double Trouble Review – Sliced, Diced, Heist
New on Netflix: February 2020
Reminder: Win tickets to see an early screening of Birds of Prey!
Every game out in February 2020 – Hitler’s undead horde returns and what Dreams may come
Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot Review – Krillin me softly with his bangs
FIFA eClub World Cup goes soft on match-fixing
Local weekend box office – Bad Boys makes good money
Drawkanoid Review – Line ‘em up, Break ‘em down
The 10 Best cartoons of the 2010s
Frostpunk: The Last Autumn Review – Up to snow good
The Last Number – How Borderlands 3 perfected the delicious grind of loot ‘n shoot fun
Birds of Prey 101: How Harley Quinn became DC’s favourite maiden of mischief
Not Tonight – Take Back Control Edition Review: A Grand Brexit
Weekend box office – Bad Boys and Gentlemen shine
Bonus DVD Content
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Critical Hit as an organisation.
Last Updated: January 31, 2020
Pariah
January 31, 2020 at 15:05
Oh that Katie video is so epic!
MaSeKind
January 31, 2020 at 15:12
Yeah it’s too good to be true really. Never heard of that dude before but I see he’s a local.
I’ve only heard about Katie Hopkins in passing but I’m sure she worked hard to deserve that trophy. Also is she blind?
Geoffrey Tim
January 31, 2020 at 15:41
she really is a fucking twat.
MaSeKind
January 31, 2020 at 15:53
Lol now I really want to find out more about her, but I’m guessing it’s political and I’ll end up only being pissed off
Pariah
January 31, 2020 at 15:58
Yeah. It’d be educational, but not very entertaining. Though watching her receiving an award for being a Cunt was pretty great.
Guz
January 31, 2020 at 17:07
She looks like she need’s to be hit with a frying pan, repeatedly, until she goes away
Edit: not looks like, but needs to
MaSeKind
January 31, 2020 at 15:05
Ah, porntential. I see the puns keep on coming
Pariah
January 31, 2020 at 15:12
*u
MaSeKind
January 31, 2020 at 17:18
Hehe was trying to keep it SFW
Pariah
January 31, 2020 at 20:30
Yeah that’s why I didn’t correct the whole thing. 😛
HvR
January 31, 2020 at 21:17
*hole
MaSeKind
January 31, 2020 at 21:17
That kinda sounds like some kind of dodgy pickup line:
Hey baby, want me to correct that hole thing?
Okay maybe not XD
HvR
January 31, 2020 at 21:36
What the pizza delivery guy says at the start of the video.
Hammersteyn
January 31, 2020 at 15:29
CH on KH