In an attempt to get all the local hits, I recently imported a PS4 console for review because we couldn’t wait to get a pizza the action. I was expecting something less tasty.
Design
It’s made from environmentally friendly cardboard, so points to Sony for that one. Feels kind of frail though, and the hood opens up way too easily. Plus, it’s rather large, and it oozes some sort of lubricant grease when I leave it upright.
Hardware
I’m no hardware expert, but I think the mozzarella cheese core helps power the dual-threaded bacon and 8GB of HAM in order to provide tera-pepperoni power to the games, or something. It’s also equipped with a 500 feta-bites HDD. You might want install your own, larger one though, because once you factor in the OS and game installs, there’s not mushroom on there. We’ve heard there’s an overheating issue resulting from the use of cheap thermal compound, but we’ve had a look, and they’re using top-grade tasty tomato paste.
And all that talk of it wobbling? With wheat, bread, dairy, meat and vegetables, I found the PS4 to be pretty well balanced.
Controller
The slice-shaped controller is remarkably comfortable actually, and soft to the touch. As an added bonus, I don’t have to worry about getting the controller greasy, because it does that naturally on its own, Thankfully it is precise. When it comes to gaming, there’s no margarine for error. Triggers are a little squishy though, you ask me.
Social Features
It’s great for sharing.
Inputs
Where the hell do I put the HDMI in? And why did I have to supply my own damn one?
Games
I honestly have no idea where the disc drive is? Is it here? Honestly the launch line-up is terrible, so there’s nothing to play anyway. I’ve also struggled to get it to connect to my router, so unfortunately I can’t play any of those downloadable games either. Not that we’d be able to review them all anyway; we’ve just not had the thyme.
Longevity
I’m down to three slices of Pizza Station 4 already, from a morning total of 8, and I just don’t see this making it to dinner.
Final Review Score
The PS4 has delivered a delicious 7.5 slices out of ten, and worth the asking price, no matter how you slice it. You have to ask if you really knead it; so don’t go bacon the bank if you don’t need to, considering yesterday’s leftovers are still fine.
Last Updated: November 20, 2013
Hammersteyn
November 20, 2013 at 13:32
Bwahahaha well trolled sir, well trolled. So you want local hits? I will be their shortly so we can hit that kneecaps of yours with my cricket bat.
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 13:42
I read that as: Move games have good integration with third party peripherals.
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:45
I got da monkey wrench, when we going?
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 13:50
Monkey becoz YOU wield it?
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:50
Cus you face
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 13:51
…is better than yours! Why thank you Rincey boy 😛
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:59
Really? Slow day? 😛
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 14:01
Slow day, fast day, normal day, ANY day. Yes 😉
Vampyre Squirrel
November 20, 2013 at 14:02
That’s definitely NOT what she said
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 14:03
That’s not true, your witty replies are usually not Tanya quality 0-O *RUNS
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 14:05
I protest, the first one was epic, but, the rest, I agree, have been off form.
I blame a certain circumstance that shall NOT be named here
TiMsTeR1033
November 20, 2013 at 14:05
Why Oh why am I always brought into it…. and to think I was making you a sword!
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 14:06
HAHAH 🙂 Something had to get you to comment 🙂
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 14:09
Is that what you crazy kids call it.
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 14:09
Better than calling it a pairing knife BOOM BITCH!
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 14:10
Or in your case a rusted butter knife?
TiMsTeR1033
November 20, 2013 at 14:11
I give you Master Rince…. lol
Weanerdog
November 20, 2013 at 14:47
To give you some advice here, and it’s because I come from Cape Town and have to stab people quite often, you don’t want any backward facing edges on your blade. It gets stuck in the ribs and impossible to get out. Also that point is way too thin you are going to break that on the first bone you hit and finally it is double edged which is really a double edged sword so to speak.
RinceandShrubbery
November 21, 2013 at 09:28
Ohhhhhhh! So pretty!
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 14:14
Paring knife. Geoff 1 Rince 234.
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 14:22
Nice attempt, but I’m not buying the deliberate typo excuse. “flickknife” Geoff 1 Rince 233.
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 14:09
Is that like code name for boner?
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 13:35
Epic, BEST REVIEW EVER!!!
In other news, HUNGRY NAO!!!
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 13:36
This made me lol. You forgot to mention that the components are locally sourced & manufacturing is done by specially trained staff, showing Sony’s commitment to the South African market. Also the PS4 is biodegradable, thus good for the environment by reducing waste from electronic equipment.
ElimiNathan
November 20, 2013 at 13:36
hahahaha
Purple_Dragon
November 20, 2013 at 13:38
Fucking hilarious!! Wonder how you came up with the whole idea!
TiMsTeR1033
November 20, 2013 at 13:44
This is Darryn after all!
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 13:45
I sense some Geoff editing here
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:46
What, you say typos, grammer issues and all together non-logical sentence structure?
Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim
November 20, 2013 at 13:49
Grammar.
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 13:49
lol
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 13:50
LOLLLLLL
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 13:50
Janee, nailed
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:52
LOL! Geoff 1 Rince 235
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 13:52
If this wasn’t scored like golf, you’d be in the lead!
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 13:53
HAHAHA
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:57
Your only understanding of balls is limited to your high school locker room experiences to SILENCE!
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 13:58
I will concede to your experience in this area. Truly, your knowledge of balls far surpasses my own. O_o
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 14:00
Also a slow day for you then? Come on ‘guys’, I’d say man up but we know your limits and should respect them. Now, Go to your corner!
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 14:02
That’s what I like about you. Your modesty. I pay you a compliment and you’re just so graceful in accepting it.
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 14:01
Hahaha
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 13:49
Haha, no those are there if Geoff does NO editing. I’ve seen some un-edited things, THAT SHOULD NOT BE SEEN
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:57
0-O I believe you NOT!
JustAnotherGamer
November 20, 2013 at 13:38
LOL
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 13:40
This definitely sways me towards the PS4. Good, meaty review.
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:46
I feel it lacked multiple layers though.
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 13:49
I’m guessing we’ll see the online multipizza review later.
Captain GUZ
November 20, 2013 at 13:40
This was very funny, also want a one of these, looks so good I could eat it
Vampyre Squirrel
November 20, 2013 at 13:43
LOL! Nice one!
TiMsTeR1033
November 20, 2013 at 13:44
Thank you Darryn, now all I want is PIZZA!
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:45
Well done sir! HAHAHA! But sadly, I’ve already had my lasagne, and it’s now in the clouds…
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 13:47
In 1080phew?
Martin du preez
November 20, 2013 at 13:46
LOL kak funny!
John's (JJ's) Annihilation
November 20, 2013 at 13:48
Best review
InsanityFlea
November 20, 2013 at 13:48
Hmmmm, pizza
John's (JJ's) Annihilation
November 20, 2013 at 13:48
Woodfired pizza for life yo
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 13:49
And we know it won’t overheat. Your move Xbox.
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 13:50
I dunno, I’ve seen some burned copies 😛
John's (JJ's) Annihilation
November 20, 2013 at 13:51
Probably going to have bones in it
Vampyre Squirrel
November 20, 2013 at 13:52
It looks like it integrates well with laptops too
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:53
backwards compatibility.
John's (JJ's) Annihilation
November 20, 2013 at 13:56
Come now. That’s just crazy talk
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 13:58
Lol. Sigh, it is 🙁
Alien Emperor Trevor
November 20, 2013 at 14:08
I suspect we might see a PS4 slim soon.
RinceandShrubbery
November 20, 2013 at 14:16
I thought there was supposed to be a PS3 slim and an Xbox360 slim before the year’s end?
TiMsTeR1033
November 20, 2013 at 13:50
Random thought: KICK ASS MODDED XBOX 360!
Unavengedavo(aka. MadeYouLook)
November 20, 2013 at 14:18
Why would there be a product placement for the Xbox in a PS4 review? :O
Edit: Personally, I think he just put all that stuff in the shot to brag and make himself look cool 😛
Gavin Mannion
November 20, 2013 at 14:33
not modded, it’s a Gears of War vault that you put an Xbox into… but it is still kick ass
John's (JJ's) Annihilation
November 20, 2013 at 13:52
Looks like the controllers really can wear out though
Macethy
November 20, 2013 at 13:54
Dumbest article ever on this site!
Gavin Mannion
November 20, 2013 at 14:37
aw it’s funny isn’t it?
Gareth L
November 20, 2013 at 22:03
Dumbest, no. Cheesiest, yes.
RinceandShrubbery
November 21, 2013 at 09:29
You must be a blast to hang about with, Now, go back to 4Chan!
UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy
November 20, 2013 at 13:56
I need a St Elmos that isn’t halaal… Sigh
Deano
November 20, 2013 at 13:57
Has news dried up so bad ?
Martin du preez
November 20, 2013 at 14:52
You must be fun at parties
Kensei Seraph
November 20, 2013 at 14:55
They tell him to come when they want people to start leaving.
Trololol
caponeil
November 20, 2013 at 14:07
Gotta love a serious sense of humor! This made my day and restored trust in humanity, peace and pizza!
Unavengedavo(aka. MadeYouLook)
November 20, 2013 at 14:07
Lol, This reminds me of a joke…
Waar vat jy ‘n blond vir Pizza? Nêrens, jy Piets-ha sommer net daar 😛
Admiral Chief Duke
November 20, 2013 at 14:12
Hehehe
Purple_Dragon
November 20, 2013 at 14:08
Everytime I go back and read this it is still hilarious as hell. Really brightened up a shitty day for me.
I laugh the hardest at the social one!!
DarthofZA
November 20, 2013 at 14:10
You have to be the BATMAN of the week. I don’t care if this isn’t how you rate it, this is the funniest article I have read in a long long time. Well played sir.
Gr8_Balls_o_Fire
November 20, 2013 at 14:10
That pizza looks so good even M Bison is trying to get a bit.
Gr8_Balls_o_Fire
November 20, 2013 at 16:53
I can’t believe noone noticed M Bison on the laptop screen and didn’t get my joke :(( Sniff.. Mmmm pizza
Rock789
November 20, 2013 at 14:15
O_O
Well played sir… Well played. 🙂
Kromas
November 20, 2013 at 14:22
8GB of HAM. Ill wait for the Extreme BACON edition thanks.
DBL_ZA
November 20, 2013 at 14:24
http://goo.gl/BCMoQd
TiMsTeR1033
November 20, 2013 at 14:26
He just broke his arse! LMAO!
oVg
November 20, 2013 at 14:30
It looks a bit pizzelated.
Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim
November 20, 2013 at 16:12
7.5 polygons.
Skoobaz
November 20, 2013 at 16:20
Polony-gons
FoxOneZA
November 20, 2013 at 16:21
8 bits, this thing r awesome!
oVg
November 20, 2013 at 16:24
You also have to blow on it.
Ir0nseraph
November 20, 2013 at 14:34
I have no words, well played
Umar Moe Moe
November 20, 2013 at 14:41
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
L
L
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
GAAAGAAAHAAAGH…so funny, well done Bren….Darryn!
Kensei Seraph
November 20, 2013 at 14:46
That was one of the funniest things I’ve read all year.
Milesh Bhana
November 20, 2013 at 14:49
kitteh!!!!!
fred
November 20, 2013 at 14:56
The cat has lock on ! get outta there
luigi
November 20, 2013 at 15:45
Dam that tutto looks good
ToshZA
November 20, 2013 at 15:48
If there’s one thing we can take out of this article, it’s that Darryn has a twisted sense of humour.
jozilife
November 20, 2013 at 16:10
trolololololololololololololololololol!
Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)
November 20, 2013 at 16:50
LOL! This article is filled to the brim with cheese – PS what about lactose intolerant gamers? 😛 Do they get to chew on an Xbone steak?
Paul Fouche
November 20, 2013 at 19:03
WHAAHA fucken troll! legend
MieLLiePaP
November 21, 2013 at 08:37
Epic!! This review was excellent! When will you guys do a “Xbone” review next? 🙂
Gerhard Davids
November 21, 2013 at 09:37
What the fuck did I just read. It’s 9:40 AM and I already feel like I’ve had enough internet or the day.
hairyknees
November 21, 2013 at 16:46
Such review
Much PS4
Many remote
Wow