There’s a new poster out for Lockout, the new Guy Pierce sci-fi action film in which he seems to be channeling every single wise cracking action star of the 80’s. Unfortunately, the poster also seems be channeling every single bad movie poster of the last 10 years as well. They seem to be running the full gambit of mediocrity here; everything from the generic colour scheme to the amateur Photoshop pyrotechnics to the Microsoft Office word-art lettering.
A man wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. is offered his freedom if he can rescue the president’s daughter from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.
I’m still undecided on the film. As much of a fan as I am of Pierce, the film’s attempt to capture that smartass charm of old action heroes has the potential to backfire horribly. I mean it’s very hard for me to not cringe when a character in the film actually says, with a completely straight face, that “he’s the best there is – but he’s a loose cannon.”
Pro tip: If you’re currently serving time in prison for mutilating bodies, then this is not the card you want to be sending.
I have a thing for non-American action films. These films -with the Asian ones in particular – generally beat the snot out of their Hollywood counterparts. So I was quite amped to see this list go up on Movies.com, detailing the Best New Action Classics from around the globe. I would suggest everybody give it a read, as there are some really great suggestions on there. Also that way, I won’t be the only sucker maxing out his credit card on Amazon this weekend.
I’ve always had massive amounts of respect for the guys at Aardman Animation. They have not only created some of the most charming animated properties of the last few years (Wallace & Gromit, Arthur Christmas, Chicken Run) but they’ve also done it using stop-motion animation. And as you can see by this new feature for their next flick, The Pirates! Band of Misfits!, stop-motion animation is not for somebody light on patience.
“I don’t think anybody’s doing it. I know Shia [LaBeouf]’s not doing it. I don’t think Tyrese or Rosie [Huntington-Whiteley] or anybody else is doing it. Whenever these movies make that much money they’re going to make as many as they can. [But] I haven’t heard anything about it.”
Let’s face it, Ryan Gosling’s milkshake brings all the girls to the yard. Just mentioning the words “Note” and “Book” in close proximity together is enough to make most females’ ovaries do the macarena. And ever since his amazingly cool performance in Drive, it’s understandable that some guys might want to be him.
Well now, thanks to Youtube user Joey Thompson, you can:
Disclaimer: if you’re a morbidly obese Puerto Rican with piercings on your forehead, then this may just be a teeny weeny bit more difficult to pull off.
And with that, I am out of here. Being a married man, I have a quiet evening planned. Had I been single though I would have been “up in da club”, sticking out my jaw and non-smiling at every hot girl I see.
Last Updated: February 17, 2012