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F9: The Fast Saga Review

3 min read

Sometimes a movie series should just know when to give up. Evidently the people behind the Fast and Furious franchise did not get this memo, as they keep on making these movies, and it gets more ridiculous with every single outing.

This movie, as with the others, is plagued with lazy writing, stupid script lines, plot and time holes, as well over the top CGI.

I really struggled to get past the 30 minute mark. I mean, when I watch a movie and it is not based on fantasy or super heroes, but real people and they start defying the laws of physics with cars no less, then I roll my eyes so hard I can see into my sinus cavities.

I’m not even going to try to go into the plot. Something to do with Mr. Nobody’s (Kurt Russel) secret government spyplane being shot down or hijacked (I’m still confused), and the attackers attempting to steal some or other super hacking thingy. Of course the Dominic Torreto and the Fast and Furious crew gets the call, so to speak, only to find out that Cipher (Charlize Theron, with a terrible piss pot hairdo) and a long lost Toretto brother, Jakob Toretto (John Cena, minus the camo cargo pants so we actually see him), is behind it and all manner of ridiculousness ensues. Also…why do these people never carpool, everyone always has their own car…anyway…Here is the trailer:

Enemies can’t shoot point blank, Dominic Toretto pulls a Steven Seagal (mind you I think his straight to video catalogue might have been better than this drivel) and can take on multiple enemies, pull chains out of concrete and other superhuman feats, a car goes into space with someone behind the steering wheel, because you know, that will help in zero gravity situations, and yes, it just gets more ridiculous as you watch on.

Racing dropped, super enhanced cars with 900 speed gearboxes over terrain that I will hesitate to drive a 4 x 4 over is evidently how it is done. That as well as catching a steel cable with your wheel, after you ploughed through a concrete pylon nose first, with no damage to your car mind you, doing a pendulum swing which drops your vehicle into an uncontrollable roll over, without you dying or getting flung out of the vehicle or any real structural damage to the car, as well as racing a vehicle up a collapsing hang bridge and shooting up the other side, because you know, their cars don’t need traction….

Vin Diesel also just looks tired and old in this movie. That is probably the first thing I noticed when I started watching it. Maybe he is also tired of the franchise.

While the over the top scenes might be enjoyable to some people, I found this movie extremely tiresome to watch. I could only roll my eyes so much before getting tired.

The movie was directed by Justin Lin who did a whole bunch of the Fast and Furious movies and stars all the usual people and a very old and tired looking Vin Diesel. I seriously think its all the big names that make these movies a draw for people.

To everyone in the East Rand, Welkom, Chatsworth and Cape Town’s Southern Suburbs, I do apologize, but this is the worst movie I saw this year. This franchise should’ve died after the first movie.

But, hardcore fans of the franchise should enjoy it. Maybe I will watch it drunk and score it better.

Last Updated: August 8, 2021

What a bunch of hooey.
was reviewed on Cinema

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