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F9: The Fast Saga Review

3 min read
22

Sometimes a movie series should just know when to give up. Evidently the people behind the Fast and Furious franchise did not get this memo, as they keep on making these movies, and it gets more ridiculous with every single outing.

This movie, as with the others, is plagued with lazy writing, stupid script lines, plot and time holes, as well over the top CGI.

I really struggled to get past the 30 minute mark. I mean, when I watch a movie and it is not based on fantasy or super heroes, but real people and they start defying the laws of physics with cars no less, then I roll my eyes so hard I can see into my sinus cavities.

I’m not even going to try to go into the plot. Something to do with Mr. Nobody’s (Kurt Russel) secret government spyplane being shot down or hijacked (I’m still confused), and the attackers attempting to steal some or other super hacking thingy. Of course the Dominic Torreto and the Fast and Furious crew gets the call, so to speak, only to find out that Cipher (Charlize Theron, with a terrible piss pot hairdo) and a long lost Toretto brother, Jakob Toretto (John Cena, minus the camo cargo pants so we actually see him), is behind it and all manner of ridiculousness ensues. Also…why do these people never carpool, everyone always has their own car…anyway…Here is the trailer:

Enemies can’t shoot point blank, Dominic Toretto pulls a Steven Seagal (mind you I think his straight to video catalogue might have been better than this drivel) and can take on multiple enemies, pull chains out of concrete and other superhuman feats, a car goes into space with someone behind the steering wheel, because you know, that will help in zero gravity situations, and yes, it just gets more ridiculous as you watch on.

Racing dropped, super enhanced cars with 900 speed gearboxes over terrain that I will hesitate to drive a 4 x 4 over is evidently how it is done. That as well as catching a steel cable with your wheel, after you ploughed through a concrete pylon nose first, with no damage to your car mind you, doing a pendulum swing which drops your vehicle into an uncontrollable roll over, without you dying or getting flung out of the vehicle or any real structural damage to the car, as well as racing a vehicle up a collapsing hang bridge and shooting up the other side, because you know, their cars don’t need traction….

Vin Diesel also just looks tired and old in this movie. That is probably the first thing I noticed when I started watching it. Maybe he is also tired of the franchise.

While the over the top scenes might be enjoyable to some people, I found this movie extremely tiresome to watch. I could only roll my eyes so much before getting tired.

The movie was directed by Justin Lin who did a whole bunch of the Fast and Furious movies and stars all the usual people and a very old and tired looking Vin Diesel. I seriously think its all the big names that make these movies a draw for people.

To everyone in the East Rand, Welkom, Chatsworth and Cape Town’s Southern Suburbs, I do apologize, but this is the worst movie I saw this year. This franchise should’ve died after the first movie.

But, hardcore fans of the franchise should enjoy it. Maybe I will watch it drunk and score it better.

Last Updated: August 8, 2021

What a bunch of hooey.
2.0
was reviewed on Cinema

22 Comments

  1. 2.0 fast 2.0 furious?

    Reply

    • R1ker

      August 6, 2021 at 08:48

      2 soon?

      Reply

      • Original Heretic

        August 6, 2021 at 08:56

        Et 2?

        Reply

        • MonsterCheddar

          August 6, 2021 at 12:06

          Et2 bru2?

          Reply

          • Paraiyar

            August 7, 2021 at 16:02

            Bishop 2-2

    • Original Heretic

      August 6, 2021 at 08:56

      2 right!

      Reply

      • Paraiyar

        August 7, 2021 at 16:01

        A movie 2 avoid?

        Reply

    • MonsterCheddar

      August 6, 2021 at 12:05

      Are you going 2 watch it 2?

      Reply

      • Paraiyar

        August 7, 2021 at 16:02

        Only with 2 bottles of tequila.

        Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        August 10, 2021 at 02:34

        I did, I was proper pissed so it was amusing at least. The fight between Diesel and Cena was like a slap fight between two kids in the first grade compared to the Diesel and Rock fight in the…. um…. 5th movie? They’re all kinda the same by now.

        Reply

  2. Kapitan Balalaika

    August 7, 2021 at 15:22

    A 2? You clearly don’t value family

    Reply

    • Original Heretic

      August 8, 2021 at 03:00

      2 much

      Reply

  3. Emperor Pen

    August 8, 2021 at 05:38

    Oscar winner 2022?

    Reply

  4. Gr8_Balls_o_Fire

    August 9, 2021 at 04:04

    So it wasn’t even F9.

    Reply

  5. MalicE_ZA

    August 9, 2021 at 04:13

    This one was the “Sharknado” of the series. I just watch them to see how much further they will push that ridiculousness envelope, and after this FX: The Furious Chronicles is going to be a doozy….

    Reply

    • KzA

      August 10, 2021 at 03:41

      I prefer the Sharknado series over this one tbh. You gotta be drunk when watching either, but at least Sharknado had the Hoff in and doesn’t take itself too seriously. (And the Hoff went to space first so technically F9 plagiarised from them). I also think Fin Shepard would kick Dom Torreto’s ass one time ekse.

      Reply

  6. WhiteRock

    August 10, 2021 at 03:47

    Yeah this was sh!t…piss poor story and execution.

    Reply

  7. 1smith1

    August 16, 2021 at 07:34

    This is one of the worst movies for 2021, also I don’t why you need apologize to the following area’s East Rand, Welkom, Chatsworth and Cape Town’s Southern Suburbs ( what are you referring too ? )

    Reply

    • MonsterCheddar

      August 16, 2021 at 09:39

      Because they smaak their cars and to drive skurf, eksê. You get what I’m chooning, china?

      Its a joke. 😉

      Reply

      • 1smith1

        August 16, 2021 at 09:42

        yeah I know just checking , everybody cpt loves cars go to sea point on Sunday.
        but with regards to movies , I think suicide squad is the worst for 2021.

        Reply

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