Conspiracy Theory Tuesday – Signs

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I liked Signs back in 2002. To me, that was the movie that first started showing chinks in the M Night Shampoo formula, but it was still a solid film overall. That doesn’t mean that it wasn’t without some stupid moments, but thanks to a pre-crazy Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix as the film leads, at least the lunacy was well acted.

One criticism leveled at the film was the use of aliens as the big bads. But in a movie where religious iconography was everywhere, what of those aliens were less space-based, and more demonic in form?

Think about it for a second. If you’re an alien, then what’s the point of invading a planet where 70% of the surface of that world is bound to kill you? I’m talking about good ol’ H20, water. It’s everywhere in the movie, thanks to little Abigail Breslin and her mental condition that forces half-empty glasses of water to appear in every shot.

So as an invading force, you’ve got a Kryptonite that covers more than two-thirds of the planet, as well as a 60% chance of rainy death later in the afternoon. Did War of the Worlds teach these guys nothing? Aliens are supposed to be smarter than this!

But demons? Now we’re entering some film territory that makes sense. With Mel Gibson being a former preacher in the movie, it ties in perfectly, that his lapse of faith has left him vulnerable to demonic denizens coming for him. And when you’ve spent your entire supernatural life in the pits of hell, water is bound to be one hell of a crutch.

But it gets even better. Because as a man of God, even if Gibson has turned his back on his faith, the water in his house is still technically holy water. Blessed water, which causes that bad reaction to the home invader, leaving them wide open for some faith-based baseball practice on their noggins.

Even if you’re not religious, it’s still a better theory than space aliens with gas-guns in their forearms. Now if only we could find a rational explanation to find out what went wrong with Mel Gibson after making this movie.

Last Updated: March 19, 2013

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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