Friday Fight Club – Drive fast, drive hard and look good

2 min read
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Breaker breaker good buddy! We got us a 10-14 on a different stretch of competition here, as we’re abandoning fisticuffs for fast cars and even faster madmen behind the wheel. Who do you think can leave the competition in the dust, when these two petrol-heads race off against one another?

The Bandit – Smokey and the Bandit

Back when Jason Bourne was still learning to repress memories of a childhood spent crapping his nappies, there was the Bandit. Tough, manly and moustachoiey to the extreme, he was running bootlegged liquor and distracting cops in an age where the only thing that he could rely on was his instincts, experience and the massive muscle underneath him in the form of his favourite form of transport, the Trans-Am.

Ol’ Bandit could jump a bridge quicker than a redneck chasing a sibling for some lovin’, and he could outmanouevre the best lawmen in the business, no matter how tenacious they were.

And best of all? Bandit did this kind of illegal hot pursuit evading for fun, not because he needed to escape federal agents for being amnesiac.

-Darryn

Jason Bourne – The Bourne series

Driving, just like the internet, is serious business. And nobody knows this better than Jason Bourne. He may not remember who he assassinated last week (Then again, who does, right? Right?), but he sure as hell remembers how to be a badass behind the wheel. And he doesn’t need facial hair to prove it.

While any leadfoot with a mildly steady hand could jump a bridge, it takes a special kind of driver to expertly ricochet a Mini through the serpentine Parisian streets against a fleet of police vehicles. Also, stairs. Beat that, Mr Delivarance.

But he then even went one better by weaponising the boot of a car, instead of just using it to store that moonshine you brewed up with your inbred cousins.

Most importantly though, through the use of a massive wall of concrete and some other poor sod’s ruptured spleen, he demonstrated exactly why you should always buckle up when taking your car out for a spin. Safety first, everybody. Until he kills you, that is.

-Kervyn

Last Updated: September 28, 2012

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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