Years back, myself and fellow Movies writer Kervyn penned a weekly post. A post where we would pit movie characters up against each other in a brawl for it all, based on escalating levels of stupidity and ridiculousness. We eventually retired that feature, but much like every horror movie monster from the 1980s, you can’t keep a bad idea down for long.
So we’re bringing it back, here on Lazygamer and The Movies. Bigger! Bolder! About just as stupid as before because baby we were scraping a barrel lid and then some! Once a month, Friday Fight Club will return, with you picking the winner. This week’s theme? Reality TV’s favourite new genre: Little people.
Technically I haven’t been in any movies, so I’m I’m not a valid entry. But this weekend, we’re picking the most furious of the vertically-challenged. Mini-martial arts masters who can shoryuken your kneecaps and follow that up with a devatsating roundhouse kick to the shins.
In fact, it’s a topic we’ve covered before, back in 2012. But we decided to do it again, because Hollywood is always remaking classics, so why can’t we?! So without further ado… LET’S DO THIS!
MINI-ME – Austin Powers
You’d think being exactly one-eighth the size of one of the most evil and deadly dangerous competent criminal mastermind above average person to ever be thawed out from cryogenic sleep would result in something that is at least only one-eighth as evil. But what Mini-Me lacks in size, he makes up for with pure unrelenting malice and hate. Quick, nimble and possessing an entire locker-room’s worth of WWE finishing moves powered by his diminutive loathing for British secret service agents, Mini-Me is an unrestrained force of nature.
And you’d be constantly angry as well, if you had to wear the same unfashionable clothing that Doctor Evil parades around in every day. Mini-Me’s greatest strength however? He’s easily the dirtiest player in the game, a user of moves so illegal that even Ric Flair would call for a timeout. Eye-pokes, nut-shits and a bite-strength that rivals alligators. He’s the complete package.
NICK NACK – The Man With the Golden Gun
We all know that just like his evil boss, Mini-Me can’t resist a good villainous lair, and there’s nobody that can turn a volcano island base into a deathtrap quite like Nick Nack. As long as he has a high chair to reach the controls. Besides acting as the manservant/sidekick to the world’s greatest assassin, Scaramanga actually used Nick Nick to test his skills. That, combined with him preparing to face off against a proper British superspy who has actually heard of dental hygiene, resulted in the diminutive destroyer developing some crazy abilities of his own.
Nick Nack has a keen grasp of deadly gadgets, and is master of the Knife in Mouth style, as well as Wine Bottle Toss no Jitsu. And not to mention he’s also a master of disguise. I mean, did you see his incredible devil statue impersonation? Of course not! He’s a master of disguise! And as long as there aren’t any open suitcases around for him to be stuffed into, he will annihilate you… Your shins. He will annihilate your shins.
Last Updated: May 27, 2016