Friday Fight Club – Germany and Russia, celebrating 50 years of hating Bond

2 min read
1

For 50 years, James Bond has been exercising that license to kill of his, doing away with villains who seek to conquer the world. And while Bond has had his fair share of great villains, it’s their henchmen that really gave him a run for his money. Who was the deadliest? That’s the question that we’re asking today!

Richard Stamper

Bond has tangoed with plenty of henchmen in his past, dispatching all of them with a nifty gadget and a wry one-liner, but very few of them have been able to physically wallop him, and turn his license to kill into an overdue account to die.

Richard Stamper is one such henchman. He’s got all the prerequisites for villainy, such as serving a megalomaniacal media tycoon, being German, blonde hair and a physical fortitude that makes a Bond endorsed punch feel more like a kiss from the gods.

Interrogation skills aside, this is a ruthless man, a killing machine with an axe to grind, that when standing toe to toe with Bond, makes him wish that he was pushing papers instead of buying contraceptives. And against Red Grant, a man trained to be the equal of Bond?

No contest, because unless Grant can magic up a convenient chain and rocket, he’s going to be choking on chakra torture knives by the time Stamper is done with him.

– Darryn

Red Grant

What do you do when some foppish pom is wiping the floor with all your best agents? You build a better version of him, that’s what! Looking like he just stepped off the Aryan Super-Race assembly line, this Russian anti-Bond doesn’t ascribe to the crazy-eyed theatrics of wannabe Nazis; he’s just there to get the job done. And judging by the fact the was already a convicted mass murderer who had escaped his jailers by the time he was recruited by SPECTRE, and not just some punk with a bottle of bleach and a couple of crazy eyes, he got the job done pretty damn well.

Stripped of all emotion, and boasting a physique that can repel the brass knuckle punches of poison-dwarf women as if they were feather-slaps, Grant has given us one of the greatest fights in Bond and movie history. What has Stamper done? Tried to convince people that stress relieving acupuncture is a form of torture? Please, this fight will be over before you can say SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Torture, Revenge and Extortion.

Besides Grant was portrayed by Robert Shaw, a man who would later get into the Great White Shark wrestling business. Sharks, people.

-Kervyn

Last Updated: October 5, 2012

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

Check Also

Jimmy’s Bastards is a license to thrill in comic book form

Jimmy’s Bastards is James Bond for a new era. God help us all. …