We’re going old school today. We’re putting away the laser rifles and computer-guided missiles for a high noon showdown, between two legendary gunslingers, in our Friday Western Duel.
It’s the outlaw Josey Wales, facing off against the legendary lawman Wyatt Earp. Go fetch your popcorn and grab your seat-edges with an iron Kung-Fu grip, because this is going to one tense slobber-knocker!
Josey Wales (The Outlaw Josey Wales)
Unlike certain Civil War soldiers, Wales can not only whistle Dixie, but he can draw his six-shooter quicker than a hummingbird can fart. Precise, deadly and remorseless, Wales is a battle-hardened killing machine driven only by vengeance, and anyone getting in his way soon learns that fact the hard way.
Plus, you’ve got the power of Clint Eastwood and his almighty stare, a crucial factor that will decide who is victorious. Make no mistake, Russell’s Earp may be able to grimace with the best of them, but there’s a fire that burns behind Eastwoods eyes, and that’s what will give him the key to victory when he eventually slaps leather and draws his pistol.
Wyatt Earp (Tombstone)
Yes, Josey Wales may have the patented Eastwood stare, but just look at those eyes of Earp, if you dare. Those are like tiny black holes of pure oblivion, nestled deep in the crags of a face like worn saddle leather. Combine that with a handlebar moustache so epic that it could surely deflect bullets, and you have yourself a one-two combo of undiluted manliness that just cannot be beat.
Josey Wales ain’t nothing but another pissed off gringo with a gun and a grudge, whereas Earp spent his entire legendary life laying down the law from one corner of the US to the next. Feared by criminals (especially swindling casino dealers) and respected by his fellow lawmen, Earp was deadly and unforgiving with all kinds of weapons, from revolvers to rifles TO THE CALLOUSED BACK OF HIS HAND.
So go ahead and skin that smoke wagon, Wales, and let’s see what happens. Or are you just going to stand there and bleed?
Last Updated: June 8, 2012