Before we get into the meat of this article, spoiler warning! This is all based off of the latest episode of Falcon and the Winter Soldier, so consider thine butts educated about the nature of a possible big reveal below. Do not proceed past this image!
Right, we all settled in? Then let’s talk! In last week’s episode of a show that has the weirdest of acronyms (FAWS for thought yo), the middle of that episode saw current Captain America given his marching orders. John Walker may have been desperate to wield the shield as a symbol for the US, but he unfortunately became a little too on the nose with that attitude when he adopted his homeland’s habit of going mad with power and killing an unarmed criminal in broad daylight. Shame.
Nursing a broken arm and a wounded pride after his court martial, that’s when the MCU opened the door for its latest big reveal: Julia Louis-Dreyfus strutting in, and revealing herself to be none other than Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine. There’s a big discussion to be had over just what her character means for the MCU (HAIL HYDRA!), but everyone is missing the big picture here: Now is the time for a Seinfeld reunion.
It has been far too long since one of the best sitcoms of all time went off the air, and in an age where nostalgia rules, it’s weird to see that there hasn’t been a single plan to bring back the old gang for a new spin on a TV show about nothing. Nothing!
The MCU could change that, and with some perfect casting, reuniting the original Masters of Evil back together would make for a Thanos-sized threat to all existence. Here’s our picks for who the rest of Seinfeld’s cast should be playing in that cinematic universe.
Jason Alexander as Dr. Doom
“It’s that damn Richards! Jerry, he’s always there, foiling my plans for world domination!”
The more you think about it, the more it makes sense that Victor von Doom and George Costanza are one and the same. Geniuses who somehow get an absurd number of dates despite having a face for radio, masterminds of a million schemes that are always undone by their very ego, and definitely Penske material.
Doom is a character defined by ambition, success, and inadvertantly cocking everything up at the eleventh hour. If that doesn’t scream George Costanza, then there’s no other single character that he could possibly play in the MCU. Well, maybe Big Wheel. Big wheel Jerry! It’s a really big wheel!
Michael Richards as the Mad Thinker
A hundred different schemes at any given time, a propensity for manic displays if intelligence, and a fashion sense that hasn’t once deviated from the era in which he was created…But enough about Kramer, let’s talk about the Mad Thinker. Out of all the many supervillains whose claim to fame in Marvel is that they can think real good, none can think madder than the man known only as…Julius.
The Mad Thinker has an eidetic memory and can rapidly organise and correlate vast amounts of information and perceive non-obvious patterns, while being very not mad despite his title. Although he’d be infinitely more interesting if was, and slid into every room in a universe where doors are magically unlocked when he’s in close proximity to them.
It’s not mad Jerry, it’s genius!
Jerry Seinfeld as Galactus because screw it why the hell not
I’ve genuinely got no idea who Seinfeld could play, because let’s face it: In his own TV series he was easily the weakest link out of the core gang. But Jerry Seinfeld as Galactus? That serves two purposes: It lets me wrap this post up quicker, and put together a funny photoshop. Job done, I’m clocking off for the day.
At the same time, I’m picturing how hilarious a version of Galactus would be if it had Seinfeld’s signature high-pitched voice. It’d still be way better than the cosmic fart that appeared in Fantasic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and it would leave the door open for Wayne Knight to be cast as Mr Fantastic. Which would lead to the following scene:
A few billion dollars later, and Avatar’s dream of having recaptured the crown as the highest-grossing movie of all time would be an impossible feat once this masterpiece starts raking in the box office cash. Now cue the bass rift when Galactus devours a planet, and we’ve got ourselves a perfect movie.
Last Updated: April 19, 2021