Between the heart-pumping action of The Magnificent Seven and the popcorn-throwing thrills of Blair Witch, all you adrenaline junkies should be happy with the movies out today.
The Magnificent Seven
Age restriction: 16 V
With the town of Rose Creek under the deadly control of industrialist Bartholomew Bogue (Peter Sarsgaard), the desperate townspeople employ protection from seven outlaws, bounty hunters, gamblers and hired guns – Sam Chisolm (Denzel Washington), Josh Farraday (Chris Pratt), Goodnight Robicheaux (Ethan Hawke), Jack Horne (Vincent D’Onofrio), Billy Rocks (Byung-Hun Lee), Vasquez (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo), and Red Harvest (Martin Sensmeier). As they prepare the town for the violent showdown that they know is coming, these seven mercenaries find themselves fighting for more than money.
With simple story and all the subtlety of a horseshoe to the head, The Magnificent Seven isn’t likely to go down in the history books as a classic. That being said, the action is masterfully done, and the entire cast is top notch (despite the fact that their characters are kind of one-dimensional). There might not be much story to invest in, but the sheer adrenaline will keep you more than entertained.
Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie
Age restriction: 13 D L
Edina ( Jennifer Saunders) and Patsy (Joanna Lumley) are still oozing glitz and glamor, living the high life they are accustomed to; shopping, drinking and clubbing their way around London’s trendiest hot-spots. Blamed for a major incident at an uber fashionable launch party, they become entangled in a media storm and are relentlessly pursued by the paparazzi. Fleeing penniless to the glamorous playground of the super-rich, the French Riviera, they hatch a plan to make their escape permanent and live the high life forever more!
Fans of the original TV show are in for a treat. Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie brings all that and more to the big screen. It’s completely over-the-top ridiculous like the characters themselves, but that’s what the fans will definitely want. If you didn’t enjoy the original show, you might find it lacklustre, as it’s all style over substance.
Age restriction: 16 H L V
A group of college students venture into the Black Hills Forest in Maryland to uncover the mysteries surrounding the disappearance of James’ sister who many believe is connected to the legend of the Blair Witch. At first the group is hopeful, especially when a pair of locals offer to act as guides through the dark and winding woods, but as the endless night wears on, the group is visited by a menacing presence. Slowly, they begin to realize the legend is all too real and more sinister than they could have imagined.
Fun story about Blair Witch – this move stressed me out so much my skin broke out. Seriously. I went in to the cinema last night with no zits, and came out with zits. How does that even happen?! Anyway, Blair Witch is everything you’d expect from the title alone, you know exactly what you’re in for and there are no surprises. Plenty of jump scares though, from what I could tell while I was hiding behind my hands.
Age restriction: 16 L V S
Mike Regan (Pierce Brosnan) is a successful, self-made man who has it all: a gorgeous wife, a beautiful teenage daughter and a sleek, state-of-the-art “smart home”. But he soon finds himself in a deadly, high-stakes game of cat-and-mouse when his I.T. consultant, Ed, starts using his skills to stalk Mike’s daughter and endanger his family, his business, and his life. In a world where there is no privacy, and personal secrets can go viral by the click of a mouse, Mike needs to rely on his old connections to defeat a new kind of nemesis.
I.T. is a decent enough thriller on paper, and comes with an engaging cast. Pity that the plot is completely pedestrian and wholly predictable. There are no twists and turns that you didn’t see coming a mile away, and you might be left feeling that it was, overall, rather stupid.
Book now at Ster Kinekor
Cry of Love
Age restriction: 13 L V
A wise and world-weary woman nurtures the talents of a generation of gifted young artists, who attend the African Performing Arts Centre. This authentic African musical, inspired in part by ‘Fame’ and the spirit of ubuntu, features top local musical talent and celebrates their abilities as they’re encouraged and empowered.
I usually try to be positive about local releases, or at least fair. But it’s damn hard to say anything about a movie that doesn’t seem to exist. After a lengthy search, the most I managed to find is the movie’s Facebook page, and an article from 2011. Consequently, there’s nothing I can say about Cry of Love, other than I wish I knew more.
Book now at Cinema Nouveau, exclusive to Ster Kinekor
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Last Updated: September 23, 2016