This new trailer for JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS isn't even at least a little bit outrageous

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When you’re a kid, cartoons are a gateway drug. Watching the right show and talking about it at school, would earn you friends. But you had to be careful. Because some cartoon shows weren’t meant to discussed.

Like Jem And The Holograms, which was a one-way ticket to shoulder-punch city in my school. Still, I kinda dug the cartoon, and always wished that The Misfits would eventually take over from the bland and boring Jem. Something which I’m still hoping for to this day, after watching the latest trailer for the flick:

As a small-town girl catapults from underground video sensation to global superstar, she and her three sisters begin a one-in-a-million journey of discovering that some talents are too special to keep hidden. In Universal Pictures’ JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS, four aspiring musicians will take the world by storm when they see that the key to creating your own destiny lies in finding your own voice.

Meh. It’s nothing exactly new so far, and more standard than a 1990s boy band at this rate. The funny thing is, some of the biggest performers in the world today are channeling the outrageous spirit of the classic Jem cartoon in their own stage shows, by dressing up as gaudy Japanese fetish-dolls.

And it’s kind of funny that the cinematic adaptation for Jem clearly cannot bottle the magic of the cartoon series, thanks to a ton of cliches and painful dialogue. Also, there’s a robot because of course. If you had to play a drinking game where you’d have a shot every time you spotted a cliche in that trailer, you’d be dead of liver failure within a minute.

Jem and The Holograms is out on October 23 and stars Aubrey Peeples as Jerrica/Jem, Stefanie Scott as Kimber, Hayley Kiyoko as Aja and Aurora Perrineau as Shana, Molly Ringwald, Ryan Guzman, and Juliette Lewis. Jon Chu directs, believe it or not.

Last Updated: August 12, 2015

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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