Right, serious journalism time. A couple of weeks ago, I fell in love with Pokken Tournament. Primarily because it included a character by the name of Pikachu Libre. Part electric rat, part top-rope high-flying frog splash, Pikachu Libre was everything I wanted in a game. Basically, the bastard child of Pokémon and the WWE. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted more.
So I got to work. I plotted, I schemed and I came up with the perfect version of the WWE. And the perfect wrestlers to go inside my new Pokémon wrasslin’ federation. All I needed, was to properly photoshop these ideas into existences. Unfortunately, i approached Geoff who promptly told me to go kill myself like CM Punk’s MMA career. And then he spat beer in my face, and hit me with the Stone Cold Stunner on the Spanish announcer’s table that we have in the office for just such occasions.
Which resulted in these abominations, which look like they were put together with the remains of the Punjabi Prison match from the 2006 Great American Bash. And we all know just how catastrophically terrible that was. Sorry lads, no excuses:
Haunter Hearst Helmsley
John Seadra AKA JAAAAAAWN SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEADRA
Ricky “The Dragonite” Steamboat
I am so, so sorry for this. Other ideas thrown around in the office as the lunch lady cleaned my face with steel chairs included:
- Jim “The Haxorous” Duggan
- Chris Jigglypuff
- Vince McMachop
- Eddie Gengaruerro
- Riolu Mysterio
- Zack Rhydon
- Daniel Brhyhorn
- Dolph Zygarde
- Luke Gallade
- Slowmoa Joe
- Banette Corbin
And too many other terrible ideas, that will most likely draw the scoop-slams of WWE attorneys soon. Mah gawh King, I think the D done broke that Photoshop in half. Gawd as mah witness, broken in half! Call a damn ref!
Last Updated: May 12, 2016