The second foray into the world of Pandora is almost here. Borderlands 2 is returning, and if early reports are anything to go by, the sequel looks set to improve on the original with numerous enhancements and additions to the gameplay. The game has just gone gold, meaning that it is finished, has been properly age-rated, and is ready to start shipping soon. And much like the flippant nature of everything that this game has produced so far, the official description is incredibly hilarious.
For those of you who are unaware, before a gold master of the game can be rushed out for mass production in the US of A, the ESRB has to have a look at the final product first, something that is usually accompanied by notes from the developers. Gold stars to Gearbox for the following synopsis then:
This is a first-person shooter in which players join rebel forces to take down an oppressive corporation on the fictional planet of Pandora. As players explore open-world environments, they complete missions to gain experience and increase their characters’ skills/abilities. Players use machine guns, sniper rifles, flamethrowers, explosives, and weaponized vehicles to kill human-like characters and hostile aliens in frequent combat.
Firefights contain realistic gunfire/explosions; injured enemies scream and emit exaggerated splashes of blood. Various weapons result in dismembered limbs or bloody gibs. Some missions depict intense acts of violence: viewing characters getting electrocuted; shooting a man in the face; killing players’ incinerating a cult member as part of a ritual sacrifice.
The dialogue contains jokes/one-liners that reference sexual material (e.g., “I will hang myself from my own tombstone if in you I can’t put my bone,” “If there’s anything they love more than getting to second base with their sisters, it’s cars,” “Bacon is for sycophants and products of incest.”); during some sequences, players can find and collect adult-themed magazines-though no actual nudity is depicted.
One mission requires players to consume three alcoholic beverages from a bar before they can progress. The words “sh*t,” “p*ssies,” and “a*shole” can be heard in the dialogue, in addition to language censored by audible bleeps (e.g., “God-[bleep]-ing-dammit”).
So rest assured concerned parents. While there won’t be any of that horrid nudity showing off the disgusting unmentionables of our various genders, there will still be plenty of blasephemy, gore, violence, midget abuse and bacon with which to wean your children on, and turn them into healthy members of society with a stable personality.
Borderlands 2 is out September 21, on soon to be blood-soaked PC, Xbox 360 and PS3 platforms.
Last Updated: August 20, 2012