Home Gaming Counteract load shedding through masturbation with the Wank Band

Counteract load shedding through masturbation with the Wank Band

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wank-band.jpg

We all need to do our part for the environment. It’s hard for countries to keep the lights on, and everyone is jumping onto sustainable energy solutions. From wind and sun to water and geothermics, there are a ton of options for helping to lessen your strain on the grid. Porn Hub wants to help, and their solution is simply genius.

We’ve told you before about bizarre wearables. They’re all the rage at the moment, but tend to be primarily focused on fitness. Even that hilarious SexFit was basically a sexual fitness wearable for your penis. But this latest wearable tech is far more sophisticated and offers an added benefit to an activity that is already ubiquitous.

Meet the Wank Band. Brought to you by Porn Hub, it officially has the best tagline ever: The power is in your hand. The idea is simple – love the planet while you love yourself. The design is simple – thanks to a kinetic charger, the Wank Band creates power when moved up and down. You can then use that energy to charge your devices via USB. There is even this awesome SFW video that explains it all.

You can sign up to be a “Be(a)ta tester” over here if you’re so inclined. I think this is fantastic technology. It’s unisex, although I’m sure the range of motion required for men vs women will impact on how efficiently it generates energy. Either way, it’s wonderful to think that we can counteract load shedding by, um, shedding loads?

Have they finally created the wearable tech that will make our lives better? Could this be the future we needed? Of course it could make extended periods of power outages a bit more awkward as people disappear to charge their devices, but it really is and excellent way to harness people’s existing activities. Welcome to the future, where masturbation is productive and good for the environment.

Last Updated: January 4, 2017

94 Comments

  1. Umar

    March 4, 2015 at 13:34

    Think I need to shed my load

    Reply

    • RinceThis

      March 4, 2015 at 13:34

      Get out of here!

      Reply

      • Umar

        March 4, 2015 at 13:35

        You want me to, beat it?

        Reply

        • RinceThis

          March 4, 2015 at 13:35

          Oh come on! 0_O

          Reply

          • Umar

            March 4, 2015 at 13:36

            Come on where?

          • RinceThis

            March 4, 2015 at 13:38

            Who? 0_O

        • Sgt. M

          March 4, 2015 at 13:52

          LOL
          *refresh

          Reply

        • Ranting Raptor

          March 4, 2015 at 13:54

          *groans*

          Reply

          • Pariah

            March 4, 2015 at 13:54

            Not what she said.

          • Umar

            March 4, 2015 at 13:57

            HNNNG….wait, what’s going on…..

          • Ranting Raptor

            March 4, 2015 at 16:22

            NO! Not that kinda of groan!!!

        • Sgt. M

          March 4, 2015 at 14:01

          Also he gives us advice in the song

          “Don’t Wanna Be A Boy, You Wanna Be A Man
          You Wanna Stay Alive, Better Do What You Can
          So Beat It, Just Beat It”

          Reply

          • Umar

            March 4, 2015 at 14:02

            LOL! I’m probably gonna stay alive for a very long time….*waggles eyebrows*

          • Sgt. M

            March 4, 2015 at 14:04

            Going all Master Roshi on us. Come to think about it I always wondered what his secret was

          • Umar

            March 4, 2015 at 14:07

            Secret must by in the Dragon…balls….

          • Sgt. M

            March 4, 2015 at 14:10

            *Be

          • Umar

            March 4, 2015 at 14:13

            Awww man….That ruined everything πŸ™

          • Sgt. M

            March 4, 2015 at 14:18

            You broke it Umar!! With you 2 minute noodle!!!!

          • Umar

            March 4, 2015 at 14:22

            LOLZ….I R SORRY for my poor spelling.

          • Sgt. M

            March 4, 2015 at 14:25

            #StayStrongUmar #2minuteNoodle

          • Kensei Seraph

            March 4, 2015 at 15:35

            your*

          • Sgt. M

            March 4, 2015 at 15:37

            DAMN

          • Sgt. M

            March 4, 2015 at 15:38

            I thought it would slip by

    • Lothy

      March 4, 2015 at 13:35

      That didn’t take long

      Reply

      • Umar

        March 4, 2015 at 13:38

        Yeah, the struggle is real. Only takes 2 minutes.

        Reply

        • Lothy

          March 4, 2015 at 13:39

          Im sure that makes u a lady killer πŸ˜‰

          Reply

          • Umar

            March 4, 2015 at 13:41

            Yup, they call me, Mr Efficient because I don’t waste no time in dishing out the luuuuurv.

        • Pariah

          March 4, 2015 at 13:39

          If you call that a struggle I feel sorry for your Mrs.

          Reply

          • Umar

            March 4, 2015 at 13:42

            No complaints by the Mrs. Done before 7de laan :O

          • Pariah

            March 4, 2015 at 13:44

            LOL!!!! All’s well that ends well. πŸ˜€

    • Ranting Raptor

      March 4, 2015 at 13:53

      That was terrible

      Reply

      • Pariah

        March 4, 2015 at 13:54

        That’s what she said.

        Reply

    • Dutch Matrix

      March 4, 2015 at 13:59

      • Pariah

        March 4, 2015 at 13:59

        LOOOOOL!

        Reply

      • Umar

        March 4, 2015 at 13:59

        Right…Time to charge my phone….

        Reply

  2. RinceThis

    March 4, 2015 at 13:35

    • Peter Knobloch

      March 4, 2015 at 14:01

      Um…

      Reply

      • Sgt. M

        March 4, 2015 at 14:12

        Looks like he was caught mid cum

        Reply

  3. ReaperOfSquirrels

    March 4, 2015 at 13:35

    lol! What the hell?!?!? The crazy shit people come up with these days.

    Reply

  4. Pariah

    March 4, 2015 at 13:39

    I was expecting this to be a Darryn article. Maybe he was too busy testing it?

    Reply

    • HvR

      March 4, 2015 at 13:46

      Probably the reason why we haven’t had loadshedding for more than a week.
      http://i.imgur.com/eo2b01C.jpg

      Reply

      • Pariah

        March 4, 2015 at 13:46

        HAHAHAHAHA

        Reply

      • The D

        March 4, 2015 at 14:10

        A subscription to a German fetish site, a box of tissues and I’m a cheaper power source than the Medupi station.

        Reply

        • Kensei Seraph

          March 4, 2015 at 15:33

          And more reliable as well.

          Reply

    • Nahuel Graziani

      March 4, 2015 at 14:02

      Darryn’s verdict:

      Gosh, I have no idea how to link a .gif on Disqus, so here’s a damn link πŸ™ [URL]http://i.imgur.com/OJw1tCZ.gif[/URL]

      Reply

  5. RinceThis

    March 4, 2015 at 13:40

    I can think of better ways to “charge” up http://i1046.photobucket.com/albums/b463/mattobv/shake.gif

    Reply

  6. ReaperOfSquirrels

    March 4, 2015 at 13:42

    • RinceThis

      March 4, 2015 at 13:43

      You’ve been internetted!

      Reply

    • Norm

      March 4, 2015 at 13:44

      Best GIF EVAR!

      Reply

  7. Norm

    March 4, 2015 at 13:43

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Reply

  8. Hammersteyn

    March 4, 2015 at 13:51

    My friend wants to know how much it charges in 5 seconds?

    Reply

    • Pariah

      March 4, 2015 at 13:52

      Apparently @umarbastra:disqus knows.

      Reply

    • Umar

      March 4, 2015 at 13:59

      Enough to fill a glass full of disappointment.

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        March 4, 2015 at 14:06

        He says a shot glass O_o

        Reply

        • Umar

          March 4, 2015 at 14:08

          Lol Ouch! *Pats hammer’s back*

          Reply

    • DrKiller

      March 4, 2015 at 14:07

      the cover up story is usually about your “cousin”, not your “friend” πŸ˜›

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        March 4, 2015 at 14:08

        LOL

        Reply

  9. Ranting Raptor

    March 4, 2015 at 13:53

    According to 10 year old kids who shout at a person online all day these devices will only be used 2 seconds at a time… So not enough energy saved there….. Rather ineffective

    Reply

    • Dutch Matrix

      March 4, 2015 at 13:55

      But an old hand like me err my friend can go for at least twenty five minutes…

      Reply

      • Her Highness the Hipster

        March 4, 2015 at 14:10

        “old hand” keeps making me LOL

        Reply

        • Umar

          March 4, 2015 at 14:12

          Same!! LOL

          Reply

        • Dutch Matrix

          March 4, 2015 at 14:16

          I am here all week! *Takes a bow*

          Reply

  10. Her Highness the Hipster

    March 4, 2015 at 13:54

    c’mon guys, you can even get partner’s involved during load shedding
    “don’t worry honey, you can help charge the phone…”

    Reply

    • Umar

      March 4, 2015 at 14:01

      Lol…I’d always keep my phone on 1% battery life then.

      Reply

      • Ranting Raptor

        March 4, 2015 at 16:23

        Find the ultimate balance. Find a game or app that drains the battery as fast as the… charging…

        Reply

    • DrKiller

      March 4, 2015 at 14:15

      I was thinking of a game of Dota, but ok its fine, we don’t want to make things uncomfortable for @hammersteyn:disqus πŸ™‚

      Reply

    • hairyknees

      March 4, 2015 at 14:58

      xD

      Reply

  11. Kensei Seraph

    March 4, 2015 at 13:55

    I’m sure that they could develop a female friendly version.

    Reply

    • Pariah

      March 4, 2015 at 13:56

      This is already female friendly.
      “Hey honey, wanna wub wub now with load shedding?”
      “Go fuck yourself. Here, wear this…”

      Reply

  12. Kensei Seraph

    March 4, 2015 at 13:57

    It occurs to me that there are other actions that have a similiar movement, such as hammering a nail.

    Reply

    • Sgt. M

      March 4, 2015 at 13:58

      Thank you for making me try and emulate that and now my colleagues all wanna know what I just done.

      Reply

      • Spathi

        March 4, 2015 at 13:59

        Bwhahaahahahahah!

        Reply

        • Sgt. M

          March 4, 2015 at 14:02

          Try as I may they won’t believe its a hammering motion.

          Reply

  13. HvR

    March 4, 2015 at 13:57

    Needed one of these in Doom 3.

    Reply

    • Dutch Matrix

      March 4, 2015 at 14:01

      You wank to Hellknights? Sexy!

      Reply

  14. Umar

    March 4, 2015 at 14:00

    Just want to say, thanks to all the filthy minded people of LG. This really is a safe place πŸ˜›

    Reply

  15. Captain JJ the damned

    March 4, 2015 at 14:06

    This seems like it would’ve been a perfectly fine invention to use in the gym actually, or while jogging.

    Reply

    • loftie

      March 4, 2015 at 16:33

      dont you dare bring sensible logic here! πŸ˜€

      Reply

  16. DJSkippy

    March 4, 2015 at 14:06

    LM*AO

    Reply

  17. HvR

    March 4, 2015 at 14:06

    I wonder if you can power a Fleshlight with a Wank Band?

    Reply

    • ReaperOfSquirrels

      March 4, 2015 at 14:20

      You just HAD to go there, didn’t you?

      Reply

  18. DJSkippy

    March 4, 2015 at 14:09

    Please peeps, I’m tying to work here and all these comments are making me LOL sooo bad that the whole office is looking at me.

    Reply

    • Sgt. M

      March 4, 2015 at 14:17

      Yeah that makes two of us

      Reply

  19. DrKiller

    March 4, 2015 at 14:11

    “Of course it could make extended periods”

    Eish, you not selling it there Zoe πŸ™‚

    Reply

  20. Dutch Matrix

    March 4, 2015 at 14:20

    “Honey, have you been watching Porn again?”
    “No Sweetie pie. I swear, I have not watched that stuff. Ever. What makes you think I was watching Porn?”
    “Well, all the other houses in the street’s dark except for ours…”

    Reply

  21. ReaperOfSquirrels

    March 4, 2015 at 14:20

    lol… “dirty power”… lol

    Reply

  22. Umar

    March 4, 2015 at 14:21

    My Wank Band is the Wank Band that will pierce the heavens!!

    Reply

    • ReaperOfSquirrels

      March 4, 2015 at 14:32

      From watching anime for the plot?

      Reply

    • Dutch Matrix

      March 4, 2015 at 14:32

      They should have called it Band Wank. Then they could have a bunch of famous singers write and perform a rousing and inspirational song called “We Love the World, We Love ourselves”
      “We love the WorldWe love ourselvesWe are the ones who makes a better daySo let’s start Wanking”
      Sung to the Tune of Band Aid’s We are the World…

      Reply

  23. hairyknees

    March 4, 2015 at 14:58

    O_O

    Reply

  24. WitWolfy

    March 4, 2015 at 15:16

    • Jack

      March 4, 2015 at 21:58

      and ?

      Reply

      • WitWolfy

        March 5, 2015 at 09:40

        Nevermind. n Hoog graad grappie.

        Reply

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