Games are all about taking you places where you have never been. Like being an elite soldier or the ruler of a vast galactic empire. But that’s all a bit vanilla, isn’t it? If the options are boundless, why stop there? Why not be a robot unicorn, jumping and dashing for its sheer survival. Perhaps you prefer something a bit more realistic, like getting yourself killed in five minutes before getting married. Or maybe it’s about time that you come out to yourself and the world by admitting you are the Lesbian Spider-Queen of Mars. This, and so much more, is the world of Adult Swim Games.
There will be few reading this who aren’t familiar with Adult Swim. Aqua Teen Hunger Force, The Boondocks, Robot Chicken and Moral Orel are just a few of the fantastic and twisted shows from this renegade television outfit. The games are no different: in-your-face offensive and shocking titles that you just can’t get enough of.
The selection jumps through all kinds of genres and styles, but you are guaranteed at least some level of blood and anti-social behaviour. Some will make you think. The Amateur Surgeon series is all about skill, steely nerves and precision. You have to operate on patients, sowing up wounds, removing shrapnel and making sure the guy has a fighting chance. Only, you do it all in some dank back room and with kitchen utensils. Ever wanted to open someone up with a pizza cutter? Here’s your chance!
Other titles require less patience and more sheer speed. In House Of Dead Ninjas you must descend deeper and deeper into a ninja-filled building, seeing how far you can go before the clock runs out. Deal out punishment to those who cross your path and use the time extenders to get further. In contrast there are no shinobi in Robot Unicorn Attack, but in this Canabalt-clone you fight for your right to exist – presumably – by constantly running. Dash into crystals, double-jump off rainbows to reach the next piece of ground and remember that you are always special… No, wait, that’s the wrong slogan. Instead: â€œPersistence is Futileâ€. There is also a metal edition, if the song gets too much for you… Still in the mood for infinite gameplay? Take a trip on Waterslide Inferno, a theme park ride where not being on fire means you are doing well.
Some Adult Swim games are parodies. In Dungeons and Dungeons you are a Dominatrix, dragging along your abused slave to fight off men in gimp masks and ball gags (using a whip, of course). Pick up â€˜toys’ like vibrators, candles and tazers for special attacks. If that is too hardcore, maybe you want to indulge in a bit of kitten fun. Meowcenaries gives you all teh Lolcatz use can has (right down to that retarded writing), but armed with automatic firearms to gun down enemy cats with.
At the bottom of the barrel you’ll find the very best stuff. Yes, the things you only share with friends who can handle it. In the Five Minutes To Kill Yourself series, you have five minutes to figure out how to die before something happens – in the event of the first game it’s to get married. Walk around and interact with the world, uncovering gruesome and painful ways to mutilate yourself. Hopefully it all proves fatal. Less cerebral is Floater, in which you guide a floating corpse down a river by poking it with your stick. The more damage you can do, the better!
And then there is Cream Wolf: you are an ice-cream man by day, fattening up the local kids. Then, when the full moon appears, you turn into a werewolf and go kidnap as many of those kids as you can for a midnight snack.
Totally offensive, downright disgusting and absolutely without any moral compass.
These are just a few ways to describe the catalog of Adult Swim Games.
Why aren’t you over there already?
Last Updated: June 10, 2011