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Physicists call Super Mario Galaxy unrealistic

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unrealisticnonsense

Super Mario Galaxy and its sequel are easily some of the very best games released in the last decade. It’s a pity the planet-based platformer isn’t very realistic. According to physicists who have far, far too much time on their hands, the planets in those games would likely implode, settling once and for all the age-old debate about just how grounded in reality games about a transforming, kingdom-hopping, magic-dinosaur battling, fireball-throwing plumber are.

In a genuine, published paper called “It’s a-me, Density!” (Available here in PDF via neoGAF) published in England’s University of Leicester’s Journal of Physics Special Subjects, bored students from the Department of Physics and Astronomy have come to the conclusion that the little planetoids from Super Mario Galaxy and its sequel “would likely explode due to the severe imbalance of gravitational pressure to degeneracy and coulomb pressures.”

“Clearly, the degeneracy pressure far outstrips the gravitational pressure by eleven orders of magnitude,” their finding read.  “The outcome of this discrepancy is that if constructed, the planet would survive for only a very brief moment before violently destroying itself and any short plumbers who happen to be running about on its surface.”

Clearly. The paper also touches on subjects like Mario’s ability to jump, and even his physical appearance thanks to the effects of the short range gravity.

“The slight lack of resistance to upwards blood flow would inflate and redden the subject’s face,” they say. “It is possible that this is the source of Mario’s baby-like complexion.”

While it’s quite obviously light-hearted and tongue-in-cheek, I can’t help but feel they should get back to work trying to figure out how magnets work instead of doing all of those equations. On that note, it’s really, really time for Super Mario Galaxy 3.

Last Updated: November 25, 2014

32 Comments

  1. Alien Emperor Trevor

    November 25, 2014 at 11:38

    And here I thought the reddish complexion & large nose were a sign of his rampant alcoholism.

    Reply

    • Corrie

      November 25, 2014 at 11:51

      Can already see the next mario game: Super Mario Galacholismxy

      Reply

      • Corrie

        November 25, 2014 at 11:52

        And don’t forget the next year of the Luigi

        Reply

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        November 25, 2014 at 11:57

        It makes sense now. He’s not saying “Issa me, Mario” because he’s Italian, it’s because he’s hammered & slurring.

        Reply

        • Corrie

          November 25, 2014 at 12:06

          Mmmmm definitely onto something there? but then how does he start spitting out fireball’s and turning into a bee and that, could he be taking something that enables him to believe it, could we unknowingly be taking something to see his transformations?

          Also how do we explain where this guy came from?

          Reply

  2. Captain JJ the fair

    November 25, 2014 at 11:42

    Italian plumbers in space. I’d say that was your first hint that it could possibly be unrealistic.

    Reply

  3. Hammersteyn

    November 25, 2014 at 11:43

    Next a physician will tell us that it’s unrealistic to eat mushrooms and expecting that it will make you taller

    Reply

  4. Admiral Chief Wang

    November 25, 2014 at 11:46

    Henceforth I will be known as a theoretical physicist. You know, because theoretically, I’m a physicist!

    Reply

  5. Rock789

    November 25, 2014 at 11:54

    Wait, you mean Mario is a work of fiction?! **plumber dreams shattered**

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      November 25, 2014 at 11:57

      No The Mushroom Kingdom exists. In the back of my friends Daves house

      Reply

    • Alien Emperor Trevor

      November 25, 2014 at 11:57

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Now there’s plumber’s crack everywhere!

      Reply

      • Rock789

        November 25, 2014 at 12:00

        Oh you! 😉 🙂

        Reply

      • Captain JJ the fair

        November 25, 2014 at 12:02

        I’m more worried about the SHATtering.

        Reply

  6. Captain JJ the fair

    November 25, 2014 at 11:54

    At least they don’t say “don’t try this yourself” on a game set in space.
    If your kid can get to space by himself I say he can do whatever the hell he wants.

    Reply

  7. Hammersteyn

    November 25, 2014 at 11:57

    Next investigate why people are so in love with Kim Khardasian. Is it maybe something other than the global population turning in zombies?

    Reply

    • Captain JJ the fair

      November 25, 2014 at 11:57

      Don’t try and make the Earth implode dude.

      Reply

    • Rock789

      November 25, 2014 at 12:03

      If they could explain that, I’d be listening with intrigue… I just don’t get why she is so popular?! She’s not done anything!! Argh!!!

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        November 25, 2014 at 12:07

        Aliens receive signals from our planet, they’ve seen our TV shows, they’ve decide instead of making contact to help our civilization advance light years they’d rather put up a sign on the edge of our galaxy. This way to Planet Derp.

        Reply

    • Quo Vadis?

      November 25, 2014 at 12:14

      do you think the Kim Kardashian video that was leaked, can be classed as fetish porn?

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        November 25, 2014 at 12:16

        I’d say BBW fetish porn if we were to judge it on the size of her ass.

        Reply

        • Quo Vadis?

          November 25, 2014 at 12:24

          I would rather say more like rape porn, since its illegal to engage in any form of sexual conduct with a mentally handicapped person.

          Reply

          • Hammersteyn

            November 25, 2014 at 12:28

            Bwahahahaha!!!

          • Kensei Seraph No DA:I spoilers

            November 25, 2014 at 12:33

            Ouch.

        • RinceThis

          November 25, 2014 at 12:30

          More like BMW porn 😛

          Reply

          • Hammersteyn

            November 25, 2014 at 12:37

            lol

  8. Viking Of Divinity

    November 25, 2014 at 12:11

    I Wonder what gave it away? Was it the Fat Plumber jumping more than his own height?

    Reply

  9. HairyEwok

    November 25, 2014 at 12:20

    Seriously…. Oh boy best they don’t get their hands on any other space game out there. Might just blow their minds.

    Reply

  10. RinceThis

    November 25, 2014 at 12:29

    What the actual.

    Reply

  11. Sir Rants A Lot is a DADDY

    November 25, 2014 at 14:47

    Lol

    Reply

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