Physicists call Super Mario Galaxy unrealistic

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unrealisticnonsense

Super Mario Galaxy and its sequel are easily some of the very best games released in the last decade. It’s a pity the planet-based platformer isn’t very realistic. According to physicists who have far, far too much time on their hands, the planets in those games would likely implode, settling once and for all the age-old debate about just how grounded in reality games about a transforming, kingdom-hopping, magic-dinosaur battling, fireball-throwing plumber are.

In a genuine, published paper called “It’s a-me, Density!” (Available here in PDF via neoGAF) published in England’s University of Leicester’s Journal of Physics Special Subjects, bored students from the Department of Physics and Astronomy have come to the conclusion that the little planetoids from Super Mario Galaxy and its sequel “would likely explode due to the severe imbalance of gravitational pressure to degeneracy and coulomb pressures.”

“Clearly, the degeneracy pressure far outstrips the gravitational pressure by eleven orders of magnitude,” their finding read.  “The outcome of this discrepancy is that if constructed, the planet would survive for only a very brief moment before violently destroying itself and any short plumbers who happen to be running about on its surface.”

Clearly. The paper also touches on subjects like Mario’s ability to jump, and even his physical appearance thanks to the effects of the short range gravity.

“The slight lack of resistance to upwards blood flow would inflate and redden the subject’s face,” they say. “It is possible that this is the source of Mario’s baby-like complexion.”

While it’s quite obviously light-hearted and tongue-in-cheek, I can’t help but feel they should get back to work trying to figure out how magnets work instead of doing all of those equations. On that note, it’s really, really time for Super Mario Galaxy 3.

Last Updated: November 25, 2014

Geoffrey Tim

Editor. I'm old, grumpy and more than just a little cynical. One day, I found myself in possession of a NES, and a copy of Super Mario Bros 3. It was that game that made me realise that games were more than just toys to idly while away time - they were capable of being masterpieces. I'm here now, looking for more of those masterpieces.

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