So there’s a giant enemy crab in this new trailer for killer crustaceans duking it out with swords, lightsabers and Thor’s hammer

Crabs, nature’s deadliest predator. Known as the king of the jungle in the hushed circles of marine biology, it’s a wonder that the crustacean life form has yet to supersede humanity as the dominant species on the planet. After all, they’re equipped with a jackpot of biological features that superior evolution gifted unto them: A nearly impervious exoskeleton, extra legs and deadly pincers that can pinch you like really really hard if you get too close.

The only disadvantage that this perfect killing machine has? The fact that they’re kind of small…and delicious. Sure they may be unburdened by morality as they dream of ripping you apart limb from limb, but when you have all of the traits necessary for global domination boiled to down to sixth-scale size then you’re already at a severe disadvantage.

Plus, we’ve got thumbs. There’s no way that crab can compete with our ability to hold stuff. Unless the crab menace could learn to grasp swords that is, which is a nightmare scenario that Fight Crab is championing with an interactive look at crabs gone wild with swords, mega-drills and lightsabers. It may sound fun, but maybe studio Nussoft is on to something. Maybe this is a portent of the future. Lock your doors and hide your children, because the crabs are here and they want to fight:

In the words of Earth-2 Tom Jones, that is unusual. Fight Crab currently features around 19 variants of krusty-shelled underwater monsters slugging it out with around 19 different weapons, with the official synopsis from Nussoft driving home just how terrifying a crab armed with the mighty Thor’s hammer can truly be:

In this far-off world, these crabs were granted ultimate strength and intelligence from the generous gods. Using their newfound strength and wit, they armed themselves with human weapons of the finest calibre, and took control of the lands. Immortal beings of unrelenting horror, they cannot be killed with swords or even guns.

However, there is only one principle fact that rules these lands; “Those who are flipped onto their shells, shall be cooked into a crab cake, or mouth-watering rangoon.” Yes,yes…Crabs who have embarrassingly been flipped over onto their shells will have no choice but to submit to the pot. You are a crab. Aiming to be the best around, you embark on a world tour to flip as many crabs as possible.

Somebody call Godzilla, and tell him that we’ve found the real king of the monsters. And get me Michael Bay, so that we can rock up at Georgio Ar. Armani Martin’s home and tell him to go suck a lemon, because this is how you build a world. Fight Crab is currently in Early Access, if you’re brave enough to wield the currently in development might of a crab armed with the power of god and the scuttling ability of Dr Zoidberg on groovy drugs.

Last Updated: August 13, 2019