Star Citizen meets Top Gear

2 min read


Some say, that his nipples are shaped exactly like the Apollo 13 disaster, and that every time Star Citizen crosses another crowd-funding benchmark, his gears get extra oily. All we know is, he’s called the Space-Stig!

Well he will be in my fantasies, as I hope that my favourite show Top Gear manages to run forever and preserve the pillock-headed shenanigans of James May, Richard Hammond and Jeremy Clarkson in Futurama-style glass jars as they review spaceships in the distant future. Sadly, Galactic Gear will most likely never ever be made. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t get an inkling of what such a show would like, thanks to Star Citizen. Check it out:

Chris Robert’s may have an ambitious game on his hands, but it certainly is doing one thing right. And that’s making pure starship porn that deserves to be printed out and hung on the wall. Seriously, look how beautiful those ships are. I’m dying to give the game a bash and explore the cosmos, but unfortunately I happen to have a PC powered by decrepit hamsters and armpit fluff, which means that my rig won’t able to render any of those images.

And much like the real world of high performance cars, the in-game M50 also comes with a stupidly expensive price tag. $100 to be exact. Looks like I might need to go talk to Wesbank to see if I can get some financing for that beauty. But first, I need to see how fast it’ll go round our track…

Read  Crytek is suing Star Citizen developers Cloud Imperium and Roberts Space Industries

Last Updated: September 15, 2014

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

  • JJ the Reus

    Just when I had hope for Star Citizen.

  • Alien Emperor Trevor

    It is stupidly expensive… and it’s one of the cheaper ones hehe.

  • Anon A Mouse

    Are there actually still people that believe that Star Citizen will see the light of day? Even if it does it will be crushed under it’s own weight of expectation.

    • Alien Emperor Trevor

      Yes & no respectively.

      • Anon A Mouse

        I don’t know, this thing is how many years in development already? Look at the bunch of money already thrown at it, I’m completely skeptic.

        • Alien Emperor Trevor

          About 2 years now, not really that long for what’s meant to be AAA quality, and yes while it’s got a lot of cash thrown at it you can only have so many people working on it – and they already have a few 100 across various studios working on the various pieces.

          • JJ the Reus

            Well, at least we have a reference to go on here. Duke Nukem took forever and that game was just pure brilliance. 😛

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            That comparison is a little bit disingenuous 😛

          • JJ the Reus

            I thrive on disingenuity

          • Admiral Chief Assassin

            T-shirt logo material right there!

          • JJ the Reus

            Yes, but can it double up as a tent?

        • UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy

          I think the only difference is the fact that crowd funding was used, but look at how long a Blizzard game takes and we all just accept that.

          I put my pre-order for Star Citizen in and I am confident this is going to be awesome.

          • Mike

            but how much of the full game are you getting, because that’s a lot of extras that you need to pay for

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            There’s a lot you can pay for in advance, you don’t need to. All the ships are available in-game through game play. Think the only things really exclusive right now are fluff things like skins & that kind of stuff. Plus all this stuff only applies to the persistent universe, not the single player campaign, so for someone not interested in the universe all they really need to buy is the base package.

          • Rags

            You can buy the whole game for $35 and earn everything ingame. You just get those fancy ships now as a reward for donating money towards its development. It does not follow a F2P of P2W model. It won’t be a grind fest like other shitty games out there. Buy once, play forever, offline, on private servers or the persistent universe.

          • Mike

            Ah ok sorry I didn’t know that. Most of it seemed liked DLC. In that case I’ll get back onto the hype train. I prefer starting poor and working my way up to those awesome ships in any case.

          • Rags

            Yes, this is exactly why I stopped pledging. I also want to work my way up. 🙂

          • Anon A Mouse

            I do agree somewhat, it’s been in development since 2011 but with Blizzard you do expect to have a set deadline give or take a few months maybe. With SC there are no set deadlines and may be changed at the will of the studio. They’ve also promised a lot of add-ons with each goal achieved. How will all of this be implemented in the game and then there are further transactions in game as well. To each their own I guess but I’m staying skeptical as heck.

          • UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy

            I do live with a generous scoop of skepticism in general and I did apply it to this purchase.

            Crowdfunding comes with it’s own set of risks and I decided I would take the chance.

            It just comes down to them delivering on the promises.

            I honestly believe they should just work on the core game. Get it polished and working perfectly and then after release and all the normal bugs being ironed out THEN move onto the promised stretch goals. Then again I already have my towel hanging in my hangar in game 😛 Totally delivered on that promise already.

          • Jeff

            Blizzard take the “It’ll be done when it’s ready” approach, if they do have set deadlines they certainly don’t share them with the general public. None of the big publishers share their dev timeframes until games are nearly done and even then it’s fairly common for a delay to happen which pushes the dates given out a bit further. There is only one instance I know of where the dev timeframe from a big studio has been made public, even then it was “release tentatively scheduled for” and they missed the mark by a year. Now that’s a fully staffed dev studio, working with a big publisher making the type of game they’ve got lots of experience with and are good at making and they added a year onto a 3.5yr timeframe. ED’s currently 6 months behind on a game that was meant to be done within 18 months (14M from the end of the kickstarter)

            So, well I’m being a bit of a tosser at the moment. I’m pretty happy with how SC development is progressing, delays and all, especially considering the level of ambition and fidelity. From my point of view at least, they’ve got a fair way to go before I get concerned about delays.

            With regard to the stretch goals, CIG have said from the start that not all stretch goals will be achieved/ready at launch, and at least one (researching procedural planet generation) might take years to get to the intended quality, if ever. All the add-on kit (battle armor, pistol etc) will be available somewhere in game.

          • Julien

            Good. Stay skeptical. It helps towards buyers remorse and getting burned. SC has No deadlines because they put it to a vote with the community. the choices were. have deadlines and release what you can when you can. or take your time and get i done right the first time. and as for as those “Add-ons” you mentionned… Most of them, if not all, were already planned from the beginning. these thing we unluck are now going to be part of the game at launch instead of later on

        • D0cs

          Just under 2 years, but you have to remember that in the beginning it was only Chris Roberts and one or two other people who helped him put the tech demo together. A lot of 2013 was spent hiring a dev team and getting them up to speed.

          Their team has grown quite a bit though since last year and they now have over 250 people working on it.

        • Ken

          Destiny has been in development since 2009. MMO’s aren’t just spat out quickly unless they’re crap.

    • Spathi

      Are there still people making absolutely ignorant statements on the internet even when the information is right at their fingertips? 😛

  • Sk3tz0

    They see people forkign out money for the crowd funding and they are thinking.. meh We can charge these poor saps what we want and they’ll still buy it.

    I wanna know what happens when they go oh sorry. we not going to publish this game no more. because (Insert stupid reason here)

  • Pandabrander

    At the risk of providing Troll food…

    Downloaded on Saturday, Arena commander is already a better game than some AAA new releases, Was smoothly playing co-op public matches.

    And the racing is very well done, based on actual evidence I don’t believe there will be any issue delivering what they have promised.

    • Rags

      Yeah the new flight mechanics are awesome, and very hardcore sim. The new hangars especially the Revel and York look incredible. And damn the sounds in Arena commander!

      This game is really shaping up to be what it set out to be. And FPS module reveal at PAX Australia. Can’t wait for that 😀

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        After seeing the hanger trailer I’m quite happy with my grimy little Selfland. That’s what a hanger is supposed to look like. The asteroid one looks really cool too, the others just look to clean & neat.

        I’m also really looking forward to see more of the FPS – that little teaser the other day looked badass.

        • Rags

          Yeah, agreed. The selfland and asteroid have the best atmosphere.

  • Admiral Chief Assassin


    • JJ the Reus

      Right up until the Top Gear part, yes. Then they lose me.

      • Admiral Chief Assassin

        Nah, it was an interesting twist, not brilliant, but had me chuckle

  • Lothy

    A famous quote once spoken in a trailer many moons ago (I think it was red alert 2) “sooner or later time will tell” *queue hell march*

    • Rags

      Red Alert 95 :>

      • Lothy

        now u just showing ur age 😉

  • HvR

    Top Gear logo rip-off, but the review is more 5th Gear than Top Gear.

  • Andrew vd Walt

    In the mean time, Elite: Dangerous is coming out soon…

  • CypherGate

    Question is…. Given the amount of money thrown at this game… Will it even make that money back and make a profit? From what i know is that there aren’t many Sci-fi gamers in the world. None of my friends are into sci-fi games like this other than me.

    • Andrew vd Walt

      It’s purely crowd-funded? Therefore it shouldn’t have to make any money back and any sales after launch will be pure profit.

      • Lothy

        yip so the moment the 1st game is purchased they making money. Unless they bored more money on the side or had additional silent investors.

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