When Deadpool superhero-landed in cinemas back in 2016, it was a very different time. On the whole, Hollywood had still considered comic book movies to be strictly PG-13 family fare. And then Ryan Reynolds’ perfectly cast homicidal potty-mouthed mutant mercenary used a baby-sized hand to masturbate while employing a stuffed unicorn as a sex toy and still broke box office records, and just like that the whole game changed.
The R-rated superhero action film was like nothing else we had ever seen in the genre. Self-aware, unfiltered, juvenile, grossly violent – a hilarious internet meme in movie form, if you will, strewn far and wide with all varations of F-bombs. True to its comic book source material, Deadpool himself even broke the Fourth Wall, spewing out rapid-fire meta-commentary about everybody and everything in the movie and beyond…
…I said, “in the movie and beyond!…“. Oh come on, Deadpool, where are you? That was your cue!
Oh, a thousand apologies. I thought you had given up on this brain shart of an idea seeing as how it’s about as clever as wearing sirloin steak shorts when diving with great whites. The sharks I mean, not some Donald Trump supporters club.
Hey, we had an agreement, Mr Merc With a Mouth! Unlike my review of the first Deadpool which you just so rudely interrupted uninvited, you said that we could work together this time on my review for the new film. I didn’t get you all those chimichangas for nothing, you know! And what’s wrong with another bit of Fourth Wall breaking fun where Deadpool himself reviews his own movie again?
Firstly, if you want the chimichangas back, then just give me two bottles of prune juice and an hour and I will gladly provide you with a full refund. Secondly, talk about shitballs derivative! So you had some unexpected success with your first review – it may even have got you laid (the finer intricacies of geek mating rituals is a mystery to me) – and now, instead of trying to take things into a fresh new direction, you just want to do the same thing over again? MINIMAL EFFORT!
Hey, wait one doggone minute. Your movie sequel just did exactly that. Despite the fact that original helmer Tim Miller got replaced by John Wick co-director David Leitch, Deadpool 2 is essentially repeating the formula of the first.
You bet your mother-fluffing bottom dollar that we’re sticking to the recipe again, missy! The almost non-stop lavatory gags usually at the expense of the stodgy Colossus and whatever spare X-Men Fox can spare, the blood-drenched action, the cartoonish mania, the side-splitting meta-digs at other film franchises coming through so fast that you miss some of the jokes due to laughing so hard, and even that kinda f—ing gross thing where I have to use my mutant healing factor to regrow appendages after having them lopped off and my new itty-bitty baby limbs are played up for sex jokes. Why else would you show up for a Deadpool movie?! The surprisingly heartfelt nugget of emotion at the core of the film’s central plot as it explores themes about family and the sacrifices we must make for their wellbeing? Well, we got that too, Francis Ford Cockola! We just do it all better and much more ballsy now!
You have a point, but there are some changes though, right?
Well, we don’t have an athletic sex-montage between me and my wife Vanessa (Morena Baccarin) this time around, but instead we have a half-naked Josh Brolin. Well, half-naked and half-cybernetic, a description that may or may not appear in my browser’s search history with alarming frequency. Don’t judge me.
Ah, Cable, Brolin’s grizzled and gruff robot-armed soldier from the future. Here he’s on a rather personal time-travelling mission to kill Russell Collins (Hunt For the Wilderpeople’s Julian Dennison proving his rising talent status again), a young new mutant with an explosive power and troubled past, which puts him on a collision path with Deadpool. And spoilers aside, that is pretty much the plot.
Like I keep assuring you mom, less is more. We intentionally kept the stakes of the story small and manageable, so that there’s no bloat here. I mean, Cable’s comic book backstory is more pretzely than the Kama Sutra – and Vanessa and I should know! – and don’t even get me started on new recruit Domino and her air finger quote unquote luck powers. We don’t need any unnecessary plot around them holding us back.
I actually have to commend you guys on that. While the story actually has its share of surprises and we even get the long-awaited introduction to the X-Force mutant team (which I won’t spoil here), both Cable and Domino (played effortlessly by Atlanta alum Zazie Beetz) work really well in their brevity. From the moment Beetz is introduced on-screen she’s just owning every frame of it through sheer charisma alone. Brolin’s Cable also doesn’t need unnecessarily twisted motivations to be compelling. He just needs a laughably big gun and that “Is he or isn’t he a bad guy” twinkle in his eye, as he plays off the bouncy wackiness of Reynold’s Deadpool with a grim badass air that should leave Cable comic book fans ecstatic.
The two also put on some seriously jaw-dropping action scenes, running the full gamut of action movie setups from sweeping chases to tight hand-to-hand brawls. And through it all I could clearly see that signature slick, bone-crunching close-quarter combat action choreography Leitch used so well on John Wick coming through strong.
Hey, you’re doing it again, just like in your first review, and referring to me in the third person while I’m right here in the flesh and definitely totally 100% assuredly not just a narrative construct you thought up to make your writing stand out a bit.
Know who else stands out though? This David Leitch fellow who sure does know his biff! bam! pow! stuff. And damn, does he put me through the violent wringer here. Though I’m sure this isn’t the worst punishment you’ve seen a red asshole go through, right!
Oh, that joke’s too pornographic for you? I would have thought you were used to having your delicate snowflake sensibilities assaulted, Buttercup, because this movie doesn’t flinch away from anything. If there’s a dirty joke that can be made, we will f—ing make it!
Some would call that a criticism though. Between Leitch’s barrelling action setpieces and the sheer barrage of referential jokes, the movie doesn’t leave itself – nor the audience – with much time to breathe. This entire breathless ride is undeniably better in overall execution though. It ditches some worn-out “save the girlfriend” tropes used by the first film, the joke hit-miss ratio is far higher, and the new cast inclusions are fantastic. Also, it’s just so much damn R-rated fun! Well, if you’ve already bought into this meme-worthy franchise, that is.
Look, if you didn’t like me before, you probably won’t like me now. But for those of you who weren’t born with the genetic defect of having your taste buds reside in your rectum and who are looking for something to match – or even exceed – the zaniness of the first film, well you’ve come to the right f—ing place!
And make damn sure you stay in your seats for my post-credits scene which I can say without any hint of bias may just be the Citizen Kane of superhero movie post-credit scenes. And if you don’t want to believe this crimson douchebag, then listen to another down below.
Last Updated: May 17, 2018